Tag Archives: writer
cARtOONSDAY: “nOT a-mUSE(D)”
Filed under cartoon by author, CarToonsday
Charlie Brennan – Friday, September 27th – Lee Child, Bestselling Author of Jack Reacher Thrillers; Charlie and Debbie on School Fundraising « CBS St. Louis
Filed under author write up, authors
Monday (morning) writing joke: “Turn of events”
A writer died and was given the option of going to heaven or hell.
She decided to check out each place first. As the writer descended into the fiery pits, she saw row upon row of writers chained to their desks in a steaming sweatshop. As they worked, they were repeatedly whipped with thorny lashes.
“Oh my,” said the writer. “Let me see heaven now.”
A few moments later, as she ascended into heaven, she saw rows of writers, chained to their desks in a steaming sweatshop. As they worked, they, too, were whipped with thorny lashes.
“Wait a minute,” said the writer. “This is just as bad as hell!”
“Oh no, it’s not,” replied an unseen voice. “Here, your work gets published.”
Filed under Monday morning writing joke
cARtOONSDAY: “mURDER mOST fOWL?”
Filed under cartoon by author, CarToonsday
Monday morning writing joke: “Watering hole”
A writer and a pink elephant walk into a bar.
The elephant walks up to the bar and says to the bartender, “The writer that came in with me tells me this is the writers’ favorite watering hole in town.”
The bartender nods. “Like to think so.”
The elephant glances around. “But I don’t see anything odd.”
The bartender points to a woman sitting in back corner where the light was dim. “There sits a poet whose only love left her thirty years ago and that’s all she can writer about. She comes in, drinks, and talks to him as if he never left.”
The bartender points to a young man sitting in a booth, a pile of half smoked cigarettes in a bowl in front of him. “Over there is a novelist whose first book as a bestseller and whose next two books were panned or not reviewed at all. Yet, he keeps saying the next one will be a winner, though he’s yet to write a word of it.”
The bartender points to yet a third person and relates his story, then a fourth, a fifth, a sixth, and was about to tell about the deaf, mute, and blind from birth writer sitting next to the elephant at the bar, when the elephant nods.
The elephant walks over to the table where the drunk writer is sitting.
“You win,” the elephant says. “Me seeing you as a delusion at my watering hole is nothing like the things these writers see here.”
Filed under joke by author, Monday morning writing joke
Writing Week in Review
Writing Week in Review
or
Ten minutes You’ll never get back in this lifetime
by DAVID E. BOOKER
Summary: Up and down week for my computer, my Internet connect, and for my writing.
Details: I don’t know if my computer is on its last virtual legs or headed for silicon senility, but it has taken to spontaneously rebooting, and even telling me after it has done so that it has “Recovered from a System Error” or something like that. There is no set time of the day for this to take place. It has happened while I am sitting at the computer and while I am away.
My Internet connection has also been up and down. That was also without a set time of the day, though it tended to happen more after 9 PM. It had been going on for several weeks, building from a spotty event to a continual-though-hard-to-predict-when event. I finally reached the point of exasperation, having done all the things I could do, such as reboot the modem (several times), check the inside connections (again several times), and run the diagnostics provided with the modem, which only tended to confirm that my Internet was down. (Dah, don’t you think I already figured that much out?)
First, an inside guy appeared and checked out everything. It was one of those appointment windows – you know the type – where you get a window of opportunity, as I like to call it. The technician was scheduled to be there “between 4 and 8 PM.” Fortunately, he arrived a little after 4 PM and even called my wife, who was at home, at 4 to say he would be at our house in ten minutes, and he was. He was polite and checked things out and said everything on the inside was fine, that an outside technicians would have to be scheduled to come out. He couldn’t say exactly when that would happen. I guess technicians don’t have a secret handshake – virtual or otherwise – that gets them any more inside information that the rest of us get.
Well, the outside guy arrived the next morning. He called to say he was outside, but nobody was at home at the time he called. The inside technician seemed to think the outside guy might have to replace the line running from the pole to the house, and so would need access to the house. Not likely to happen when nobody’s here. I have heard of one person in my neighborhood who leaves her house doors unlocked when she leaves, but she ain’t me. I lock, lock, and lock again.
Anyway, whatever he did, short of replacing the line, appears to be working. For the past few days the Internet connect has not dropped out at unexpected times for explained reasons. So, I give high marks for the workmanship, the promptness of service (even if one part of it came without a confirmation of the schedule), and for the courtesy of the technicians, including the person at the call center, for whom I’m sure English was not his native language. Or maybe it was my tired ears that couldn’t quite understand him and had to ask, on several occasions, for something to be repeated.
As for my writing, it has been a bit skewed this week. Normally, I get up at 3 AM to write for about 30 minutes or so before going to work. I have a modest goal of 300 words a day on the two novels I am working on. However, due to a change in my work schedule, I am not getting up at 3 AM to get to work. Because of that my modest goal has fallen behind this week. I have tried writing in the late afternoon or early evening when I get home, but there are always chores and family obligations and evening meetings that get in the way. I am trying to adjust. Maybe I can catch up some this weekend.
It is often frustrating how little things and acts of life can get in the way of writing. Of course, I can do a good job of getting in my own way, but that is a topic for another time.
[Author’s note: this is the first time I have done this and it may not be a regular thing. My intention is not to bore and certainly not to call attention to myself as someone special. If anything, it shows how ordinary a person a writer is, except for the desire to accomplish something that looks so easy, but is far from it.]
Monday morning writing joke: “Pregnant pause”
Q.: Did you hear the story about the pregnant woman writer who went into labor during deadline and began screaming, “Couldn’t! Wouldn’t! Shouldn’t! Didn’t! Can’t!”?
A.: She was having contractions.
Filed under Monday morning writing joke
Writing tip Wednesday: “Killer Nashville”
The Writers Conference for Mysteries, Thrillers, Espionage, Suspense, Romance, Young Adult (YA), Fantasy, Adventure, Historical, Science Fiction, Horror, True Crime.
Guests of Honor: Anne Perry and D.P. Lyle
Starting at $119 for full conference
Conference: August 22. 25, 2013
Conference Hours:
Thursday, August 22 — 6 PM – 10 PM
Friday, August 23 — 8 AM – 7 PM
Saturday, August 24 — 7:05 AM – 11:30 PM
Sunday, august 25 — 8 AM – 3 PM
Over 60 session and 7 tracks
9 breakout session for intense small group session
Agent / Editor / Publisher Roundtables — free with registration
Manuscript critiques
Special Sessions: Synopsis Writing: Query Writing
Prizes and free giveaways
Many more things. To find out more,
call: 615-599-4032
contact@killernashville.com
www.KillerNashville.com
Filed under writing conference, Writing Tip Wednesday
Monday morning writing joke: “light bulb science fiction style”
How many science fiction writers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two, but it’s actually the same person doing it. He went back in time and met himself in the doorway and then the first one sat on the other one’s shoulders so that they were able to reach it.
However, a major time paradox occurred and the entire room, light bulb, changer and all was blown out of existence.
Moral of this joke: don’t screw around with time.
Filed under Monday morning writing joke



