There once was a writer whose Christmas /
Was not going too well with the misses. /
He had written a quick ditty /
About how she was still pretty /
But had used the name of his mistress.
Tag Archives: limerick
Monday morning writing joke: “Down for the count”
There once was a writer from down under
Whose editor rent all his things asunder.
Passive verbs and weak nouns
Were found all over the ground
And woe be to each adverbial blunder.
***
A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, “Doctor, doctor, I can’t feel my legs!”
The doctor replied, “I know you can’t; I’ve cut off your arms!”
Filed under 2015, Monday morning writing joke, poetry by author
Monday morning writing joke: “Juggling”
There once was a struggling writer in town /
Who made ends meet by being a clown. /
He could be quite the performer, /
Juggling balls on the street corner. /
But in his stories the balls always dragged the ground.
***
I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn’t find any.
Filed under 2015, Monday morning writing joke, poetry by author
Monday morning writing joke: “Remainders of the Day”
There once was a writer in bookstore /
Who could not find his books anymore. /
When he inquired about his place, /
They said, “Limited shelf space.” /
And pointed to remainders outside the door.
***
Deja Moo: The feeling that you’ve heard this bull before
Filed under 2015, Monday morning writing joke, poetry by author
Monday morning writing joke: “Add vice”
There once was a woman of advice /
Whose words calmed others’ toil and strife. /
Then one day on a dare /
She found her husband having an affair. /
Now, she’s doing twenty to life.
***
A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named “Ahmal.” The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him “Juan.” Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, “They’re twins! If you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Ahmal.”
Filed under 2015, Monday morning writing joke, poetry by author
Monday morning writing joke: “Slow go”
There once was a writer from Glasgow /
Whose writing was always a slow go. /
When turtles would mate /
He could write and relate; /
But for meeting deadlines he was always a no-show.
***
There was a writer who sent twenty different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least ten of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did?!
Filed under 2015, Monday morning writing joke, poetry by author
Monday morning writing joke: “Pseudonym”
There once was a party writer from Beijing /
Who couldn’t get published one thing. /
So, he took an American name /
And tried publishing all the same: /
Suddenly his words had a following.
***
Two cannibals are eating a comedy writer. One says to the other: “Does this taste funny to you?”
The other says: “No, and it doesn’t even taste like chicken.”
Filed under 2015, Monday morning writing joke, poetry by author
Monday morning writing joke: “Mingle”
There once was a woman from Paris /
Who fell in love with an American named Harris. /
Their love life was bilingual /
But their sports lives wouldn’t mingle: /
For each, football broke up their wedded bliss.
***
Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Minnie says to Moo, “I was artificially inseminated this morning.”
“I don’t believe you,” says Moo.
“It’s true, no bull!” exclaims Minnie.
Filed under 2015, Monday morning writing joke, poetry by author
Monday morning writing joke: “Sanity”
There once was a writer from France /
who worked too hard to have her chance. /
Living down by the Seine /
Her friends thought her deranged, /
when insane across the Seine she did dance.
***
A writer walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says, “A beer please, and one for the road.”
Filed under 2015, Monday morning writing joke, poetry by author
Monday morning writing joke: “Boast”
There once was a gossip columnist extraordinaire /
Who told stories that weren’t even there. /
If you called him a liar /
He’d only pile it on higher, /
Because he had a few lies to spare.
***
A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. “But why,” they asked, as they moved. “Because,” he said, “I can’t stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer.”
Filed under 2015, Monday morning writing joke, poetry by author
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