At the party last night, I accidentally drank a bottle of food coloring. The doctor says I’ll be fine, but I feel like I’ve dyed a little on the inside.
Tag Archives: humor
Boxed in
by DAVID E. BOOKER
I will not put her in a box
I will not use one with a lock.
I will not bury her beneath the blocks
nor stuff her in the freezer with the lox.
I will not ship her far, far away.
I said I won’t, no, no not today.
But my patience is running thin
and should she try it, yet once again…
I will not be responsible for what I do.
My five-year-old could do it to you, too.
Return postage not included.
Filed under cartoon by author, poetry by author, Silly Saturday
Monday morning writing humor: “Prattle”
Have critics said of your work: “He never gets to his last word.”? This is called Prattlitus or Prattlitous.
Or perhaps it was phrased this way: “His conclusion is longer than his discussion.” This is called Inconclusivity.
Or, when asked to write a summary of your latest novel, has you agent said to another: “His summary is longer than the original.”? And this is called Conclusionaires Disease.
If so, you may be a prime candidate for the Authors School of Pith, or ASP for short.
As ASP you will learn the two routes to pith: No! and Hell no!
We will tone your flabby vowels, strengthen your grammatical ganglia, and brief your brevity so that you can once again find your soul of wit.
So call today for your free 30-day trial. 1-888-ASP-WIPE. Try it, risk free, and see as we teach you the pleasure of the last word, how to conclude with brevity and dignity, and most important of all, we will teach you the value of summary when you see our final bill.
Monday morning writing humor: “The Captain said”
What the Captain said
The boat is fine, the captain said;
he said it to our face.
The boat is fine, the captain said,
the river sets the pace.
The boat is fine, the captain said,
and then he said no more.
The boat is fine, the captain said
as we sailed away from shore.
The boat is fine, the captain said,
as the river tossed us about.
The boat is fine, the captain said,
as some of us wanted out.
The boat is fine, the captain said,
steering for the roughest part.
The boat is fine, the captain said;
he’d said it from the start.
The boat is fine, the captain said
as the waves thumped into the boat
The boat is fine, the captain said
as some of us tried to float.
The boat is fine, the captain said,
Come back again next year.
The boat is fine, the captain said —
but captain, I hope you’re not here.
The first, fall flush of success.
Filed under Monday morning writing humor, poetry by author
cARtOONSDAY: “gREAT eXPECTATIONS”
Some ideas take flight; others don’t.
Filed under cartoon by author, CarToonsday
Monday morning writing joke: “Too ugly to be seen.”
There once was a man so mean /
his face was too ugly to be seen. /
He was banned from sight /
so as not to give fright — /
except for the night called Halloween.
The man and his amulet.
Filed under Monday morning writing joke, poetry by author
Monday morning writing joke: “double take”
It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally.
Filed under Monday morning writing joke
cARtOONSDAY: “nOT a-mUSE(D)”
Looking for the next best thing.
Filed under cartoon by author, CarToonsday
Monday morning writing joke: “Rhetoric”
What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?
Filed under Monday morning writing joke
Booker's Blog 