Tag Archives: humor

A bit of dialogue: “Encounter in Fine Print”

The other day, an acquaintance on Facebook wrote about an “encounter” with a couple of mice that had invaded her second story writing office. She “inflated” the encounter here and there to give it a little fun.

Below is my response to her posting. The encounter told from the point of view of the mice.

Told all in dialogue. You can be the judge if it works.

I call it, Encounter in Fine Print.

“Brian. Hey, Brian, you think it’s workin’? Think we’re scaring her?”

“Yeah, Pink, I think if we stare at her long enough through this magnifying thing we found she’ll think we are four times our size with fangs and claws six inches long. Just keep staring at her.”

“But Brian….”

“Yes, Pink?”

“How do we eat and stare at the same time?”

“We don’t, Pink.”

“Why do you call me Pink? My name’s Gerald.”

“Gerald won’t get us anywhere.”

“Are we goin’ somewhere? I thought we came here for snacks. You know, cheese bits and stuff.”

“Never say ‘and stuff.’ Just say cheese bits.”

“Why?”

“Because I said so.”

“So, I have to be Pink because you said so, and I can’t say ‘and stuff’ because you said so.”

“That’s right.”

“I don’t think I like this game.”

“It’s not a game, Gerald. It’s … it’s … ah … okay, it is a game, but it is a game to make us famous.”

“I want snacks.”

“When we become famous, you will have all the snacks you can handle. I’ll even give you one of mine, Pink.”

“Really!” Pink said.

“Really.”

“Really?”

“Really,” Brian said.

“But when do we get snacks?”

“After we scare this woman. She’s a writer. We scare her, she will put us in one of her stories, her fantastical tales.”

“My tail is nice, but I wouldn’t call it fantastic.”

“It’s not about your tail.”

“If it’s not about snacks and it’s not about my tail. What is it about?”

“Gerald….”

“I thought it was Pink.”

“Pink, I will say it one last time. It’s about being famous. This lady writer writes a story about us in which we are monsters out to take over the world. We’re fifty foot—No, 100 foot rats with fangs like Mammoth tusks and we eat everything in sight. Men, women, children.”

“And they’re our snacks?”

“Yes, Pink, they are our snacks.”

“But I don’t want to eat children.”

“You don’t have to.”

“When do we eat? I’m starving.”

“Not yet, because we have to have to take the story to a Hollywood director, who will want to turn it into a screenplay with lots of special effects that he will use to splash the story across the big screen.”

“And we’ll be movie stars and get snacks?”

“Yes.”

“The Hundred Foot Rat starring Pink and Brian.”

“Brian and Pink”

“Pink and Brian.”

“I think you need a new name.”

“Brian’s a good name.”

“So’s Gerald. But you won’t let it be Gerald and Brian.”

“Okay. Maybe we can use an anagram.”

“Aunt Gram? I think your name would be silly. Aunt Gram.”

“Anagram. Anagram. You rearrange the letters to spell something else.”

“Oh, is that how you got Pink out of Gerald?”

“Ah … exactly.”

“Then what would your Aunt Gram be?”

“Brian … Brian … An rib? No. Hummm. Brian … Brian. Brain. That’s it – Brain.”

“So, we’ll be Pink and Brain.”

“Oh, okay. Your nom de guerre can be first.”

“Now it’s going to be Name the gear and Brain?”

“Pink for short.”

“So Pink for short and Brian?”

“Close enough.”

“Hey, where did the lady writer go? The one who was going to make us monsters?”

“Well, Pink for short, I think she went to get help.”

“You mean another writer to help her write our story, Brain? Our story with snacks in it?”

“Not exactly. I don’t think those footsteps sound friendly.”

“You mean no snacks, Brain.”

“I mean no snacks, Pink.”

“And I bet there ain’t no story, either.”

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Filed under 2016, Random Access Thoughts, Silly Saturday, Story by author

Photo finish Friday: “To boldly go … where the winds blow”

Young Captain Kirk battles a Marshmallow Monster.

Young Captain Kirk battles a Marshmallow Monster.

In the next installment of the Star Trek re-boot, a very young Captain Kirk battles a giant Marshmallow Monster in a sailor suit, only to defeat it by kicking the air out of its sails. Barely escaping with his boats still intact, Kirk then faces the giant Balloon Entity of Tritium Two. The title of this movie, Star Trek: Air Apparent, features fifty aliens blown in from all corners of the Milky Way. The exact release date hasn’t been established, but plans are to release it on a Winds-day.

The giant Balloon Entity of Tritium Two.

The giant Balloon Entity of Tritium Two.

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Filed under 2016, Photo Finish Friday

Clog in the cog of life

I’m just a clog in the cog of life,

When things back up, I get nothing but strife.

Whether at work or at home with the wife,

I’m only a clog in the cog of life.

Remodelers came and ripped out my throne

In the last room where I could be alone.

Now all I have is a slop jar and a phone,

And for a cushion a piece of foam.

I’m just a clog in the cog of life.

I get nothing but toil and strife.

Some days it feels sharp, like the stab of a knife.

I’m only a clog in the cog of life.

Even at work I get no peace:

A place for my tensions to find release.

I look at my paycheck and want to yell: “Police!”

To demand they look for my missing piece.

I’m just a clog in the cog of life.

Nobody cares about my struggles and strife.

Not even heaven where they have their slice

Of the piece of the pie in the afterlife.

Oh, God in heaven, how can this be?

Why, oh, why have you forsaken me?

I’ve always tried to serve unto thee,

But you cut me off like a branch from a tree.

I stand on the ledge of total despair.

No throne. No money. In tattered underwear.

People down below, they don’t even care.

They just don’t want me to land there, there, or there.

I’m just a clog in the cog of life.

I’ve said my prayers, left a note for my wife.

When I land it will end all my strife,

Unless I don’t make it into the afterlife.

I’ve endured war, death, and disease;

A boss, a wife, and a bum knee.

Can’t I have just one thing for me?

Is my life “to be or not to be”?

I’m just a clog in the cog of life,

Suffering the outrageous fortunes of strife.

The slings and arrows carve me like a knife

Into a piece of gristle for the cog of life.

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Filed under 2016, poetry by author

Photo finish Friday: “Heat wave”

Some things you shouldn't let slide.

Some things you shouldn’t let slide.

Oh, poor mannequin
let things slip again.
You say because you’re thin
that they just slide.

You stand there headless
and couldn’t regret less
if you create a mess
because of your body pride.

But dear mannequin
though the times are thin
we can’t let you begin
to leave nothing to hide.

So, pull up your bottoms
or starting this autumn
you’ll only flaunt them
in the dumpster outside.

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Filed under 2016, Photo by Beth Booker, Photo Finish Friday, poetry by author

cARtOONSdAY: “cHECK hER pAST dUE”

Best book bar none.

Best book bar none.

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Filed under 2016, CarToonsday

Oh, Mom

[Editor’s note: inspired by a neighbor’s actual event, as reported on Facebook. Happy Mother’s Day to all the mothers reading this.]

Oh, Mom,
I did it again, like when I was ten
And then, in the middle of the night
In panic and fright I committed the sin
Of turning your bedding off-white.

Oh, Mom,
I was queasy then and I am again,
And once more I stand at your door.
Too much to drink, this time I think.
I should’ve stopped instead of saying, “More.”

Oh, Mom,
As I now look in, the light is very thin.
I hear the roar of a brain-jarring snore.
Is that you or Dad? Oh, my achy breaky head.
I pitch in too soon, onto the bed — ka-boom!

Oh, Mom,
I will try again. Oh, where to begin?
I did not mean to do or repeat anew,
But my head went in, like when I was ten,
And turned white into red, white, and “Ouuh!”

Oh, Mom,
I did it again, like I did back then,
When, in the middle of the night,
In panic and fright I committed the sin
Of turning your bedding off-white.

–by David E. Booker

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Filed under 2016, poetry, poetry by author

cARtOONSdAY: “tHE bIG lIFT”

She glared at me as if I were a dumbbell.

She glared at me as if I were a dumbbell.

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Filed under 2016, cartoon by author, CarToonsday

cARtOONSdAY: cASE lOGIC, pART 4″

The eyes have it.

The eyes have it.

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Filed under 2016, cartoon by author, CarToonsday

O’ weekend

Oh, where is my weekend
my kindly ol’ weekend
the one meant to take me away?
I am ready right now
like an old bell on a cow
to clamor and clapper away
to ring in once again
to announce Let Us Begin
the start of a weekend day.
The sunlight upon me
swoops down to taunt me
and lead my old cow astray.
With its bell it’s ringing
and its low moo it’s singing
for the start of some fun today.
So, where are you my weekend
my kindly ol’ weekend
come now and take me way.

–by David E. Booker

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Filed under 2016, poetry by author

Monday morning writing joke: “Adding up — the puns”

Just when you thought it was safe to square your Pi.

Just when you thought it was safe to square your Pi.

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Filed under 2016, Monday morning writing joke