Just when you thought it was safe to square your Pi.
Tag Archives: humor
Monday morning writing joke: “Adding up — the puns”
Just when you thought it was safe to square your Pi.
Filed under 2016, Monday morning writing joke
Random act of poetry: “The ramparts”
I stand on the ramparts of tautology
Forever eschewing any hint of scatology.
But don’t ask me this fine day
To bind my obfuscations away.
For where o’ where would I be
If I could not in confidence convolute thee?
Oh, where o’ where, pray tell
Would my alliterations have place to dwell?
I am but a humble servant of words
Trundling through this world of the absurd.
A land of regret full of monsters who fete
On a mind that will now be quite quiet.
Filed under 2015, poetry by author, Random acts of poetry
cARtOONSdAY: “tHE fUTURE”
Chewed gum and sore knees were not Carl’s idea of the future.
Filed under 2015, cartoon by author, CarToonsday
What Not to Say to Bookstore Employees
Source: http://bookriot.com/2015/07/03/what-not-to-say-to-bookstore-employees-2/
Avoid bookstore faux pas like the following while speaking to the overworked bookstore employees with their smocks and helpful head nods:
- How much does this cost on Amazon?
- How can you work here when Amazon Prime exists? Are you on Amazon Prime?
- I’m a writer and I don’t want to waste my time, so which of these should I actually read?
- I only read signed copies. Where is the signed section?
- I don’t need help. I just come by the bookstore to hit on the smart people buying Ulysses for light, fun reading.
- I don’t need help. I just want to write down all of Giada’s recipes.
- I don’t need help. I’m just figuring out where my book will be shelved once I finish it, get an agent, sell it, and get it stocked here, in this location.
- I don’t need help. I’m just writing notes on page fifteen of every book. I’m creating a treasure hunt for the bookish.
- Which of these is going to be a movie? I want to judge the future movie by the past cover.
- How many teens die in this one? I only respond to mass numbers of teen deaths.
- If I just spilled my coffee on the hardcover book of swimming dogs, should I tell you about it?
Rest of the list at: http://bookriot.com/2015/07/03/what-not-to-say-to-bookstore-employees-2/
Photo finish Friday: “Hippo-naughty-ic”
Dirty Dancing in the wild.
Oh my
the hippopotami
have come to try
and drive me away.
I undressed
to my birthday best
to take my rest
on a hot day.
I did not know
it was no place to go
that I could not show
my full display.
I have caused unrest
put nature to the test
because I undressed
and tried to stay.
One big old brute
did not like my birthday suit
so I gave him the salute
and he huffed my way.
With no pants
I had little chance
to make a stance
or have my say.
I now must leave
but please don’t grieve
and don’t yet believe
I am human filet.
–poem by David E. Booker
Filed under 2015, Photo Finish Friday, poetry by author
An unfortunate juxtaposition
The headline meaning is clear, or is it?
An unfortunate juxtaposition
It was an unfortunate juxtaposition
An editorially poor rendition
And a layout contradiction
Of the work being done that day.
The ladies were up in the air
Arms and legs wide without a care
And the photographer “froze” them there:
A fine photo some might say.
But a headline was then put in place
Above their wide-open pose embrace
Each with a smile upon her face
And things came out another way.
The headline read: “Let’s go, Beavers”
And for those who are “mis-perceivers”
The headline was an overachiever
Of the double entendre sort of sway.
Some members of the fourth estate
To this day cannot contemplate
How such a printing came to state
Something that put such a pun in play.
So let this be today’s object lesson
About laying out a front-page section
And how others can have a perception
Where you place things a certain way.
–poem by David E. Booker
Filed under 2015, poetry by author
Photo finish Friday: “Wedding dress”
An unlucky dress?
Wedding dress
Wedding dress, wedding dress beside the road
In a plastic bag, story untold.
Was it for a marriage gone terribly bad?
Or was the bride free and very glad?
Was it tossed out in spite and anger?
Discarded maybe after he strangled her?
Was she elated to see him go
And she tossed it out just for show?
The button on the bag said it was “EASY”
Was it really or was it simply sleazy?
The dress in question raises questions galore
Some answers we know, for others we want more.
Abandoned in a bag with a red button on the side.
Filed under 2015, Photo Finish Friday, poetry by author
Be gentle upon him
Be gentle upon him, whatever you do
For killing him outright, could leave you in a stew.
Then what will you do for the rest of the cruise?
Hide the body aboard and leave misleading clues?
Will you tell his friends, “Wait, he’s over there.”
Or strolling down the promenade without a care.
You’ll have to make up stories of where he might be
Which may keep you awake to a quarter past three.
And as you tell these stories of his life aboard the boat
Will you see his body out the window afloat?
Will he be smiling at you, his arm high in the air
waving you to join him, to promenade without a care?
And then oh then tell me what will you do
When he gives you the evil eye and thinks you’re a cutie too?
by David E. Booker
Filed under 2015, poetry by author, Random acts of poetry
Photo finish Friday: “Little brown apple”
Apple on a fence.
I don’t know, but maybe I ought not
to have shoved this apple onto this spot.
For here it will remain
with no one to explain
as it shrivels away and begins to rot.
Poor little apple in my lunch
I spiked you away just on a hunch
that that brown spot
looked like food rot
and not something I’d want to munch.
Children are starving in places like China
or just down the street from a nearby diner.
Yet food by the bunches
goes uneaten after brunches
from fast-food shops and places much finer.
Bugs may come and have a heyday,
picking at the remains of the apple’s decay.
Eating away this fine shiner,
once bright as a light to a miner,
it’s soon dull and brown and shapeless as clay.
Good or evil? Oh, what have I done?
I’ve not fed the apple to anyone.
No nutrition for play.
Oh, how I’ve gone astray:
I should had eaten it or given it to someone.
I don’t know, but maybe I ought not
to have shoved this apple onto this spot.
For here it will remain
with no one to explain,
and even a homeless man will leave it to rot.
–by David E. Booker
