Writing tip Wednesday: “Giving books”

Giving the gift of writing takes on many forms.

Giving the gift of writing takes on many forms.

Wait, you may say. How is giving books a writing tip? you may ask.

Answer: You can’t take the reading side of the relationship between writer and reader for granted. You have to help “grow the market,” as it is called in marketing-speak today. With all the options available to occupy people’s dwindling free time, you can’t assume books are the first thing somebody thinks of. In short, if you want people to read your work, you have to help make sure they are reading.

Below is the opening of an article by Alanna Okun. The title of the article is “Books to Give as Gifts for Every Occasion.” You may not agree with all the selections made in the article, and that’s okay. I didn’t. But if you aren’t giving books as gifts, how can you expect others to give yours as a gift?

GRADUATION

The Elements of Style, by Strunk & White

Bonus points if it’s the version of this classic that’s illustrated by the luminous Maira Kalman; that’ll make it feel more like a keepsake and less like a standard-issue textbook (albeit a wonderful one) on the first day of sophomore English Lit.

This Is Water, by David Foster Wallace

This legendary speech was given by the late David Foster Wallace at Kenyon College and contains the kind of simple yet staggeringly important advice that any high school/college/grad school student/actually human, in general, would benefit from thinking about for at least a few minutes.

“It is,” the speech ends, “about simple awareness — awareness of what is so real and essential, so hidden in plain sight all around us, that we have to keep reminding ourselves, over and over: ‘This is water, this is water.’”

For illustrations and more suggestions, go to http://www.buzzfeed.com/alannaokun/books-to-give-as-gifts-for-every-occasion

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cARtOONSDAY: “tUESDAY mORNING”

The Tuesday Morning Terror Don't look behind you!

The Tuesday Morning Terror
Don’t look behind you!

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Monday (morning) writing joke: “It depends”

Diapers

There many be some truth to this.

We will (with apologies to Shakespeare) call this: What’s in a name?

Query: Does anyone know why disposable baby diapers are called Luvs & Huggies, while old people diapers are called Depends?

Hypothesis: Cause if a baby poops in his(her) pants, you are still gonna Luv’em & Hug’em. But if an old person poops in his(her) pants, your love might Depend on if you are still in the will.

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Writing Week in Review

Writing Week in Review

or

Ten minutes You’ll never get back in this lifetime

by DAVID E. BOOKER

Practice, practice, practice.

Practice, practice, practice.

Summary: Up and down week for my computer, my Internet connect, and for my writing.

Details: I don’t know if my computer is on its last virtual legs or headed for silicon senility, but it has taken to spontaneously rebooting, and even telling me after it has done so that it has “Recovered from a System Error” or something like that. There is no set time of the day for this to take place. It has happened while I am sitting at the computer and while I am away.

My Internet connection has also been up and down. That was also without a set time of the day, though it tended to happen more after 9 PM. It had been going on for several weeks, building from a spotty event to a continual-though-hard-to-predict-when event. I finally reached the point of exasperation, having done all the things I could do, such as reboot the modem (several times), check the inside connections (again several times), and run the diagnostics provided with the modem, which only tended to confirm that my Internet was down. (Dah, don’t you think I already figured that much out?)

First, an inside guy appeared and checked out everything. It was one of those appointment windows – you know the type – where you get a window of opportunity, as I like to call it. The technician was scheduled to be there “between 4 and 8 PM.” Fortunately, he arrived a little after 4 PM and even called my wife, who was at home, at 4 to say he would be at our house in ten minutes, and he was. He was polite and checked things out and said everything on the inside was fine, that an outside technicians would have to be scheduled to come out. He couldn’t say exactly when that would happen. I guess technicians don’t have a secret handshake – virtual or otherwise – that gets them any more inside information that the rest of us get.

Well, the outside guy arrived the next morning. He called to say he was outside, but nobody was at home at the time he called. The inside technician seemed to think the outside guy might have to replace the line running from the pole to the house, and so would need access to the house. Not likely to happen when nobody’s here. I have heard of one person in my neighborhood who leaves her house doors unlocked when she leaves, but she ain’t me. I lock, lock, and lock again.

Anyway, whatever he did, short of replacing the line, appears to be working. For the past few days the Internet connect has not dropped out at unexpected times for explained reasons. So, I give high marks for the workmanship, the promptness of service (even if one part of it came without a confirmation of the schedule), and for the courtesy of the technicians, including the person at the call center, for whom I’m sure English was not his native language. Or maybe it was my tired ears that couldn’t quite understand him and had to ask, on several occasions, for something to be repeated.

As for my writing, it has been a bit skewed this week. Normally, I get up at 3 AM to write for about 30 minutes or so before going to work. I have a modest goal of 300 words a day on the two novels I am working on. However, due to a change in my work schedule, I am not getting up at 3 AM to get to work. Because of that my modest goal has fallen behind this week. I have tried writing in the late afternoon or early evening when I get home, but there are always chores and family obligations and evening meetings that get in the way. I am trying to adjust. Maybe I can catch up some this weekend.

It is often frustrating how little things and acts of life can get in the way of writing. Of course, I can do a good job of getting in my own way, but that is a topic for another time.

[Author’s note: this is the first time I have done this and it may not be a regular thing. My intention is not to bore and certainly not to call attention to myself as someone special. If anything, it shows how ordinary a person a writer is, except for the desire to accomplish something that looks so easy, but is far from it.]

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Photo finish Friday: “Up in smoke”

[Author’s note: This is where you write a story, poem, even essay based on a photo. I have placed the photo a little further down in the story, but you are free to write what you want based on the photo. The photo is mine, so if you use in a blog or other publication, please give me credit: David E. Booker. Thanks.]

by DAVID E. BOOKER

It was almost the end of his shift when homicide detective C. Sparks got the call to go to possible homicide on East S. Ave. He had plans for his evening, a nice dinner with the victim of another murder case he had worked and solved only three weeks ago. The widow was so grateful that after four months he had not given up on the case and actually figured out who the murdered was and built a solid case with which the D.A. could easily prosecute … and win.

He turned from N. Center St. onto East S. and saw a blue SUV in the middle of the road, a prowl car on the other side of it. Both were in the middle of the street. Both were holding up traffic.

Detective Sparks pulled up behind the SUV. No, he’d block traffic from the N. Center side. He opened his car door and stepped out. The summer heat, even the evening version, was more than any reasonable person should stand, particularly – especially because it was being reflected back up by the baked street asphalt.

The beat cop was talking to a very animated man. Sparks glanced around. There was no body. There were no crime scene technicians. What the hell was going on? Was there a body or was somebody just trying to get him?

The beat officer saw him about the same time he saw her. She broke away from the animated man and met Sparks about halfway from his car to the blue SUV.

“What’s this about?” He looked at the name plate above left breast pocket, then added, “V. Slims.”

“It’s Virginia. Most people call me Virgy.”

“Okay. Virgy, what’s up?”

“This man claims he turned the corner on the E. Scott and out of nowhere this man appears, stops in the middle of the road to light a cigarette and before he could anything, he ran into the guy. He was sure of it. But then he stopped the car and got out and the guy was gone.”

“Yeah, it was as if he disappeared in a cloud of smoke,” the man said.

He had walked up and Sparks hadn’t noticed. Sparks knew then he had been working too many hours.

“And you are?” Sparks asked.

“Leonard M. Bold,” Officer Gordon said. “I checked his ID when rolled I up.”

“Most people call me Leo,” Bold said, extending his hand.

Sparks stared at it for a moment before taking it.

“What were you doing on this street,” Sparks asked.

“I’m in real estate and was driving through this historic neighborhood seeing if there were any houses for sale. See who has them listed. I have a client who might be interested in a historic house.”

Sparks nodded. He then walked up and around the SUV. No sign of dents or broken headlights, or any indication that it had even collided with a house fly let alone a body. The SUV gleamed so brightly, it even hurt his eyes to look at it.

Up In smoke

Up In smoke

He raised his hand to shield his eyes from the sun and that’s when he saw it. Lying on the ground by a front tire, a pack of cigarettes, partially opened.

He squinted a little harder to make out the brand of cigarettes: L, M, Bold. He looked up at the man, then back down at the cigarettes, then up at the man again.

“This is a joke, right? You think you’re funny, calling me out here, Leonard M. Bold.”

“But it’s true, what I said.” Leonard walked over to where Sparks was.

“Yeah, right.” Sparks looked over at Slims. “How much you in on this, Virginia Slims? If that’s your real name. What the hell is going on here.”

Sparks was angry, but even he was surprised when sparks started flying out of his mouth. The first ones hit Officer Virginia Slims and she caught on fire and was burning up. This couldn’t be happening. He turned to look a Leonard, who was already running away.

Sparks yelled after him and flames shot out of his mouth and hit Gold squarely in the back. Gold caught on fire like a book of matches or a pack of cigarettes.

The air smelled like burned tobacco, and Sparks realized how much he actually missed smoking. Even after six years, the craving still seized him every now and then. Right now it was suddenly so strong he might just kill for a cigarette.

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I Hate L.A.!

LA the land of … well, you decide. Maybe this blog posting will help.

Tom Dupree's avatarYou and Me, Dupree

LAfreeway

Hate New York City, it’s cold and it’s damp…

Who didn’t enjoy the “cold open” to the 2013 Rock & Roll Hall of Fame induction ceremony? It happened a few weeks ago, but HBO preemed it to the nation late last month. In the midst of La-La Land, where the remaining top-down portion of the music business truly resides (sorry, Clive), Randy Newman tickled the ivories and teased about my town. By the time “Rand” acquired tempo, there were Tom Petty, Jackson Browne and John Fogerty standing up there with him, ready to help blast out the lyrics to a ditty so rockin and ultra-ironic that it almost got voted the official song of Los Angeles, however it is you do that. However…

[LITTLE SANTA MONICA?!]

Muchacho, I hate L.A.!

Now, I have some perfectly rational friends, lovely people all, who live and even thrive in La-La…

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Haiku to you Thursday: “Patches”

Fog and night entwined;/

weavers obscuring the light./

Patchworked day unfolds.

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Writing tip Wednesday: “Making your own ‘cloud'”

by DAVID E. BOOKER

I hope as a writer you know the importance of backing up or saving in a different location copies of your work.

Typewriters had carbon paper. (Yes, I am old enough to have used that.) Early computers had floppy disks. (Yep, I used those, too.) Now there are thumb drives and external hard drives and even back up services such as JustCloud or Dropbox. Many of the cloud services offer free storage up to a set amount, often 5 GB (gigabytes) or something like that. While 5 GB doesn’t sound like much, you have to understand that stories, novels, poems, essays, and articles don’t take up much space. I used to keep many short stories on one 1.44 MB (megabyte) diskette.

But say you don’t have the time or inclination to store backups in the cloud and you can’t afford thumb drives or even an external hard drive. You still have a relatively inexpensive option for saving backup copies of your work simply by sending it to yourself.

You can make your own storage "cloud."

You can make your own storage “cloud.”

After you have completed your writing for the day, send an e-mail to yourself and attach the Word, Text, Open Office, etc. document you have been working on. You can create a folder in your e-mail account for each writing project or one folder for all the projects. You could probably even create a separate e-mail account to which you only send copies of the writings you are working on.

Setting up an e-mail account is not hard and it’s usually free, and as I said, documents heavy only with words don’t take up much space and should be easy to send as an attached file. For example, a novel I am working on entitled Dead Man Love is only 161KB for roughly 25,000 words, and it takes 1024 KB to equal 1 MB.

Plus, the one advantage of sending yourself a copy is that you have a snapshot of where you were on that particular draft on that particular day, so if you date the e-mails you send to yourself, you could find an earlier copy with something that you might have removed that you now want to put back.

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Monday morning writing joke: “political speech writers”

Q.: How may political speech writers does it take to change a light bulb?

A.: 28

Two to write a position paper on changing the light bulb.

Three to write the speech encouraging the American public to change the light bulb.

Four to write the bill that will get sent to Congress proposing new light bulb legislation.

Five to write the speeches explaining why the light bulb should be changed and why now the country needs big light bulb change.

Six to write the rebuttals from the United Light Bulb Coalition as to why the light bulb shouldn’t be changed.

And four to write the brief comments the President will make after signing the Light Restoration and Rectifying Act.

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In honor of National Doughnut Day, June 7

There once was a man with doughnuts
who suffered so many, he had a glut
It was food for thought
about the things he ought not
as he packed another dozen into his gut.

Nature abhors a doughnut hole, so eat a doughnut and please Nature.

Nature abhors a doughnut hole, so eat a doughnut and please Nature.

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