Willard the Writer had but one goal in life, and despite his wife’s requests, then pleas, and finally order, it was not to take out the trash “Now!”
Monday morning writing joke: “blood money”
Q.: What did one English vampire writer say to another English vampire writer?
A.: “All this bloody writing is sucking the life out of me.”
Filed under Monday morning writing joke
The blathering idiot and the sign
The blathering idiot was not sure what to make of the new rest room sign.
There had been complaints about how some of the blathering idiot’s co-workers had been mistreating the restroom facilities, so management had devised a new sign to help everyone understand. It was all in pictures in the hopes that there would be no confusion. Still, the blathering idiot had a few questions.
He understood that an “X” through the drawing meant do something or that is was wrong to do something. And from the new chart, he saw that it was okay to sit on the commode. Though all it looked the man was doing was sitting there and resting. His pants did not look pulled down and he was sitting too erect to be doing anything. A man needed to lean forward a little more when he pooped. And good luck if he tried to pee while sitting that way.
The second drawing puzzled the blathering idiot. Why would a man pour marbles into a commode?
Then there was the third drawing. Was that man praying?
As for the fourth drawing, he wondered why any man would try to ride a commode like a jockey. Had somebody at work really done that?
And then there was fishing in the commode. He had never thought of that. But certainly what was in there was not usually worth fishing for to begin with. Even he knew that. Unless, maybe, you accidentally dropped something in before doing anything else. What do yo do then? Call your supervisor?
As for the last drawing, it was the oddest of them all. It looked like a man squatting back from the commode and taking aim with an object or some sort, maybe even a child’s toy like a missile or torpedo, and trying to aim it at the commode. Did he mean to blow up the commode? Was he trying to throw into the commode something that he hadn’t been able to get to come out until he gave up sitting on the commode the way the man in the first drawing was? He did look a little like he was squatting, after all.
The blathering idiot pondered this poster until he couldn’t come up with any answers that made sense. He went to his supervisor for guidance, but all his boss would say is that it was being used in the Olympics and that if it was clear enough for them, it should be clear enough for everybody working for him.
The blathering idiot felt it was going to be a long shift.
Filed under blathering idiot
Experience Just How Big the Universe is, in One Mind-Blowing Interactive – PolicyMic
Experience Just How Big the Universe is, in One Mind-Blowing Interactive – PolicyMic.
Recently, NASA scientists combined data from the Spitzer and Hubble Space Telescopes to discover the most distant galaxy known to date. The galaxy, named Abell2744 Y1, was formed around 13.2 billion years ago when the universe was extremely young. As the universe is expanding, Abell2744 Y1 is currently closer to 40 billion light years away from us, an astounding distance.
Filed under size
Photo finish Friday: “Fix me!”
I need help.
Forlorn and sitting on the couch
a friend in need about the house.
A note, a fix, a hope today
that the friend can still play.
Attempts are made but none work.
Attempts are made but dog inert.
Forlorn and sitting on the couch
a friend in need about the house.
A note, a fix, a hope today
that the friend can still play.
Filed under Photo by author, Photo Finish Friday, poetry by author
Haiku to you Thursday: “Oak leaves”
Autumn bats hanging down /
painted white with falling snow /
clutching hope for spring.
Autumn bats hanging down
Filed under Haiku to You Thursday, Photo by author, poetry by author
Writing tip Wednesday: “The End”
Dos and Don’ts for the Last 10,000 Words of Your Story
By James V. Smith Jr.
DON’T INTRODUCE ANY NEW CHARACTERS OR SUBPLOTS.
Don’t introduce anything new. Any appearances within the last fifty pages should have been foreshadowed earlier, even if mysteriously. What this means: If you bring in a new character this late, your audience will feel cheated, as if you’ve been holding back important information for a cheap surprise. They want clues throughout the novel so that way, even if they couldn’t solve it early, they can look back and say “Oh yeah, now that makes sense.”
DON’T DESCRIBE, MUSE, EXPLAIN, OR PHILOSOPHIZE.
In other words, keep the author out of the story, and don’t let it drag. By this point in the story, setup is done, complication is wrapping up, and resolution should be entirely uncluttered so you and the reader can make an unimpeded dash to the finish line. Keep description to a minimum, action and conflict to the max.
What this means: No long details about the setting or sudden dishing about backstory. This is what your story is all about. Your protagonist has sacrificed and made wrong turns to get to this moment. Make these pages as face-paced as possible.
DO CREATE THAT SENSE OF OH, WOW!
Once or twice on every page, if possible, more frequently.
What this means: Stories that play out “Then this happened. Then this happened. Then this happened.” in the final moments aren’t memorable. It’s better to put in an “But unexpectedly …” as the final chapters close up your story, especially if it ties up moments you’ve foreshadowed earlier in your novel.
DO ENMESH YOUR READER DEEPLY IN THE OUTCOME OF YOUR STORY.
Make her unable to put down your novel to go to bed, to work, or even to the bathroom until she sees how it turns out.
What this means: Like in sports, the most captivating part is the final minutes or innings of a close game. You can’t take your eyes off of it because you not only want to know the outcome, you feel like you need to know the outcome—and you need to know it immediately. Think of your ending in those terms.
To learn more, go to: http://www.writersdigest.com/how-to-improve-your-writing-skills-the-last-10000-words?et_mid=656501&rid=239626420
Filed under writing tip, Writing Tip Wednesday
Monday morning writing joke: “eaten”
Q. If a writer were turned into a zombie, whose brains would he eat first?
A. His critics’.
Filed under Monday morning writing joke
New words to live by: “obsolute”
It is the second weekend of the month and time again for a new word to live. This is a word or phrase not currently in use in the U.S. English lexicon, but should be considered. Other words, such as obsurd, crumpify, subsus, flib, congressed, and others, can be found by clicking on the tags below. The new word for February is obsolute. This is a combination of obsolete and absolute.
Obsolete, adj. has several variations of meanings, but in general means: no longer in general use or fallen into disuse or a discarded or outmoded type, even something out of date.
Absolute, adj. also has several variations of meanings ranging from free from imperfection, complete or perfect.
2. not mixed or adulterated, pure.
3. complete or outright, such as an absolute lie; an absolute denial.
4. free from restriction or limitation.
5. unrestrained or unlimited by a constitution, counterbalancing group, etc.
Obsolute, adj. something completely or thoroughly no longer in general use.
2. a pure, unadulterated discard.
3. a complete or outright outdated mode of thinking, believing, speaking, or reasoning.
Examples: Often something obsolute is still believed or held by a few. An obsolute religion, an obsolute lie. Creationism or Intelligent Design are examples of an obsolute idea. Belief that President Obama was born in Kenya is an obsolute lie. Belief that the earth is flat is an obsolute belief.
Filed under new word, New words to live by
Never Put Two Spaces After A Period – Business Insider
Never Put Two Spaces After A Period – Business Insider.
Can I let you in on a secret? Typing two spaces after a period is totally, completely, utterly, and inarguably wrong.
And yet people who use two spaces are everywhere, their ugly error crossing every social boundary of class, education, and taste.
You’d expect, for instance, that anyone savvy enough to read Slate would know the proper rules of typing, but you’d be wrong; every third e-mail I get from readers includes the two-space error. (In editing letters for “Dear Farhad,” my occasional tech-advice column, I’ve removed enough extra spaces to fill my forthcoming volume of melancholy epic poetry, The Emptiness Within.)
The public relations profession is similarly ignorant; I’ve received press releases and correspondence from the biggest companies in the world that are riddled with extra spaces. Some of my best friends are irredeemable two spacers, too, and even my wife has been known to use an unnecessary extra space every now and then (though she points out that she does so only when writing to other two-spacers, just to make them happy).
What galls me about two-spacers isn’t just their numbers. It’s their certainty that they’re right. Over Thanksgiving dinner last year, I asked people what they considered to be the “correct” number of spaces between sentences. The diners included doctors, computer programmers, and other highly accomplished professionals.
Everyone—everyone!—said it was proper to use two spaces. Some people admitted to slipping sometimes and using a single space—but when writing something formal, they were always careful to use two. Others explained they mostly used a single space but felt guilty for violating the two-space “rule.” Still others said they used two spaces all the time, and they were thrilled to be so proper.
Read more: http://www.slate.com/articles/technology/technology/2011/01/space_invaders.2.html#ixzz2sjI4n4vN
Filed under writing tip
