There once was writer of plays /
who could not get his character his way. /
“Oh, no,” they said. /
He shook his head in dread /
and he’s stuck in Act I to this day.
Tag Archives: writing
Monday morning writing joke: “Passing the buck”
[Editor’s note: the below article is true. No names were changed, not even the filing location: Bulls Gap. In the words of Mark Twain: “Truth is stranger than fiction, but it is because Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities. Truth isn’t.” — Following the Equator, Pudd’nhead Wilson’s New Calendar. Now, as a writer, what can you make of this bit of news?]
Woman hospitalized to remove stolen $5,000 from rectum
by JEFF BOBO
BULLS GAP — A theft charge is pending against a Hawkins County woman who allegedly stole $5,000 from her boyfriend and was then hospitalized for injuries suffered attempting to remove the cash from her “hiding place.”
Around 1 a.m. Tuesday, the Hawkins County Sheriff’s Office was dispatched to the home of Bobby Gulley, 249 North Ridge Road, Bulls Gap, on a complaint that his girlfriend was stealing from him.
Gulley told HCSO Sgt. Michael Allen he’d “set a trap” for Christie Black, 43, also of that address, by placing two envelopes containing $4,000 and $1,000 in $100 bills in an old medicine bag.
The medicine bag was then placed on a foosball table and Gully went to bed.
Gulley said that when he woke up, he noticed Black was still awake, but the medicine bag and cash were missing.
When Gulley confronted Black with the theft, Black reportedly vomited up a baggy containing partially dissolved pills.
“He then asked her where the money was, and she admitted to him she’d wrapped it up and stuck it in her rectum,” Allen stated in his report. “Black admitted (to Allen) to taking the money and medication because Mr. Gulley was going to kick her out and she needed money for a place to live.”
Source and the rest of the story: http://www.timesnews.net/article/9066805/woman-hospitalized-to-remove-stolen-5-000-from-rectum
Filed under Monday morning writing joke
Photo finish Friday: “The torch is passed”
The “safe” Olympic flame
With concern over security growing and the cost of the 2014 Winter Olympics in Sochi, Russia mounting, the Olympic Committee has taken the unprecedented step and decreed that the Olympic torch will be made out of construction paper, as well will the resting place of the Olympic flame.
“This should reduce security concerns on several fronts,” said an Olympic official, who asked that his name be kept out of the press until the official announcement is made. “It will also be lighter, easier to protect, and it will never go out. The only thing we have to fear is a sudden bucket of water of freak thunderstorm.” The official went on to say that the cost savings we have an immediate positive impact on the bottom line. “And if it works well enough for the Olympic flame, we may just start building our future Olympic villages out of cardboard, crepe paper, and the like.”
[Editor’s note: Now it is your turn. What bit of writing silliness or seriousness is inspired in you by this photo. Be as creative as you want.]
Filed under Photo by author, Photo Finish Friday
Writing tip Wednesday: “Cat got your keyboard?”
by DAVID E. BOOKER
To be or not to be stuck…
1) Write a letter
Put what you want to say in letter form. The writer Tom Wolfe once was stuck on an article he was doing on stock car racing. He had spent time researching and talking with drivers, mechanics, and any number of people. He had the information, but he couldn’t quite figure out how to write. His deadline was fast approaching, but he couldn’t get traction. Finally, he called the editor at the magazine where the article was to appear and explained he couldn’t write the article. He would type up his notes and send them in and the editor could find somebody else to write the piece. So, he wrote up the information in a letter form and sent it in. When the editor received it, he immediately saw that it was an almost complete article just the way it was. The editor and Tom Wolfe made a few edits and adjustments to the piece and it was published pretty much as Tom Wolfe had written – that is, like a letter.
2) Keep several things going
The late Isaac Asimov, author of over 500 books (fiction and non-fiction), used to keep two or three writing projects going at the same time. That way, if he got stuck on one, he would turn to work on another. Once when asked what would he do if he was told he had only six months to live, he replied, “Type faster.” Keeping two or three things going at once can help prevent you from getting stuck on any one piece of work.
3) Free writing
Free writing is writing what comes to mind without regard to how it fits into what you “need” to be writing or even what may be the next sentence. Sometimes to get going in the “write” direction, you need a little gibberish to get you going. Maybe even write a silly poem, like
Roses are red
violets are blue
I suck at writing poetry
how about you?
Do free writing for about fifteen minutes and see if gets you going.
These are not the only ways to get your writing unstuck, but whatever you use, I hope you realize from these examples that even published and prolific authors can get stuck, too.
Filed under article by author, Writing Tip Wednesday
Writing Week in Review
Writing Week in Review
or
Ten minutes You’ll never get back in this lifetime
by DAVID E. BOOKER
Practice, practice, practice.
Summary: Up and down week for my computer, my Internet connect, and for my writing.
Details: I don’t know if my computer is on its last virtual legs or headed for silicon senility, but it has taken to spontaneously rebooting, and even telling me after it has done so that it has “Recovered from a System Error” or something like that. There is no set time of the day for this to take place. It has happened while I am sitting at the computer and while I am away.
My Internet connection has also been up and down. That was also without a set time of the day, though it tended to happen more after 9 PM. It had been going on for several weeks, building from a spotty event to a continual-though-hard-to-predict-when event. I finally reached the point of exasperation, having done all the things I could do, such as reboot the modem (several times), check the inside connections (again several times), and run the diagnostics provided with the modem, which only tended to confirm that my Internet was down. (Dah, don’t you think I already figured that much out?)
First, an inside guy appeared and checked out everything. It was one of those appointment windows – you know the type – where you get a window of opportunity, as I like to call it. The technician was scheduled to be there “between 4 and 8 PM.” Fortunately, he arrived a little after 4 PM and even called my wife, who was at home, at 4 to say he would be at our house in ten minutes, and he was. He was polite and checked things out and said everything on the inside was fine, that an outside technicians would have to be scheduled to come out. He couldn’t say exactly when that would happen. I guess technicians don’t have a secret handshake – virtual or otherwise – that gets them any more inside information that the rest of us get.
Well, the outside guy arrived the next morning. He called to say he was outside, but nobody was at home at the time he called. The inside technician seemed to think the outside guy might have to replace the line running from the pole to the house, and so would need access to the house. Not likely to happen when nobody’s here. I have heard of one person in my neighborhood who leaves her house doors unlocked when she leaves, but she ain’t me. I lock, lock, and lock again.
Anyway, whatever he did, short of replacing the line, appears to be working. For the past few days the Internet connect has not dropped out at unexpected times for explained reasons. So, I give high marks for the workmanship, the promptness of service (even if one part of it came without a confirmation of the schedule), and for the courtesy of the technicians, including the person at the call center, for whom I’m sure English was not his native language. Or maybe it was my tired ears that couldn’t quite understand him and had to ask, on several occasions, for something to be repeated.
As for my writing, it has been a bit skewed this week. Normally, I get up at 3 AM to write for about 30 minutes or so before going to work. I have a modest goal of 300 words a day on the two novels I am working on. However, due to a change in my work schedule, I am not getting up at 3 AM to get to work. Because of that my modest goal has fallen behind this week. I have tried writing in the late afternoon or early evening when I get home, but there are always chores and family obligations and evening meetings that get in the way. I am trying to adjust. Maybe I can catch up some this weekend.
It is often frustrating how little things and acts of life can get in the way of writing. Of course, I can do a good job of getting in my own way, but that is a topic for another time.
[Author’s note: this is the first time I have done this and it may not be a regular thing. My intention is not to bore and certainly not to call attention to myself as someone special. If anything, it shows how ordinary a person a writer is, except for the desire to accomplish something that looks so easy, but is far from it.]
Writing tip Wednesday: “A, An, and H”
Which is correct usage?
A. James joined an historical society in Atlanta during his years living in Georgia.
B. James joined a historical society in Atlanta during his years living in Georgia.
PenPal says:
If you chose the second sentence (B), you are correct. The only time you use the article “an” before a word starting with an “h” is when that words starts out with a silent “h” and thus a vowel sound. If the “h” is audible, then the article before it should be “a.”
Examples:
I have an hour to waste while I wait for my ride. (“hour” starts with a vowel sound)
She appears to be a happy person. (“happy” starts with an audible “h”)
Martin has a huge chip on his shoulder these days. (“huge” starts with an audible “h”)
Kim received an honorary degree from NYU. (“honorary” starts with a vowel sound)
Simple as A, B…H!
________
Cathy Kodra a/k/a PenPal
Cathy Kodra works as an independent editor in Knoxville, TN. Her poetry and short stories have appeared in numerous journals and anthologies including Roanoke Review, New Millennium Writings, Common Ground Review, Now & Then, Cavalier Literary Couture, Slow Trains, Still Crazy, The Medulla Review, Prime Mincer, Yemassee, and others. She is a contributing editor for New Millennium Writings and past guest poetry editor for The Medulla Review. She was first runner up in Prime Mincer’s 2011 Poetry Contest, judged by Rodney Jones, and took first place in the 2012 Old Gray Cemetery Poetry Contest. Cathy’s first poetry chapbook, Thin Ice, was published in 2011 by Medulla Publishing.
Cathy is a member of the Knoxville Writers’ Guild and of two local writing groups. An avid reader and writer, she is currently working on two poetry collections and a collection of short stories. Her hobbies include gardening and vegan cooking, and she lives happily with her husband Ron, two dogs, and a cat. She can be reached at www.cathykodra.com.
Filed under Writing Tip Wednesday
Writing tip Wednesday: “New Millennium Writings”
New Millennium Writings
$4,000 offered in Literary Grants and Awards, Plus Publication
$1,000 for best Poem
$1,000 for best Fiction
$1,000 for best Nonfiction (Nonfiction includes humor, memoir, creative nonfiction, travel, opinion, essay, interview, features, investigative reporting, etc.)
$1,000 for best Short-short Fiction
Visit www.newmillenniumwritings.com for user-friendly guidelines and much more, or jump straight to www.writingawards.com and employ our simple submissions process.
To apply online, follow these guidelines
1. No restrictions as to style, content or number of submissions. Enter as often as you like.
2. Winners announced beginning in September. All contestants will receive our high-quality 2014 anthology.
3. Send between now and June 17, 2013, Midnight, all U.S. time zones.
4. Simultaneous & multiple submissions welcome. Previously published material welcome if under 5,000-circulation or if previously published online only.
5. Each fiction or nonfiction piece is counted as a separate entry, and should total no more than 6,000 words except Short-Short Fiction (no more than 1,000 words).
6. Each poetry entry may include up to three poems, not to exceed five pages total per entry. All poetry Honorable Mentions will be published.
7. Save cover sheet or letter with the submission you’ll be uploading and send as one file. Should you forget to include such covers, however, it’s OK, as contact information is automatically forwarded to us when you pay online.
8. Payment is $20 per submission in order to cover our many expenses and reserve your book. Payment will be by credit card or echeck through PayPal
9. Each entry must be in a separate file (up to 3 poems in one file (See #6)). Many file formats are accepted.
Filed under writing contest, Writing Tip Wednesday
KWG Contests deadline is April 30, 2013
Contests deadline April 30th.
You don’t have to live in Knoxville, TN and you don’t have to be a member of the Knoxville Writers’ Guild in order to enter. But time is running out.
Filed under Knoxville Writers' Guild, writing contest
Mental Reps
In sports when an injured player can’t practice, he can still get “mental reps,” the coach says.
For a writer, that would be called day dreaming.
Filed under current events, writing, writing humor
Writing tip Wednesday: What lies at hand
Our main business is not to see what lies dimly at a distance but to do what lies clearly at hand.
—Thomas Carlyle
Thomas Carlyle, philosopher, satirist, essayist. 1795 – 1881
While not aimed at writers exactly, this quote is germane to the writing process. The end of a story, novel, essay, or poem may seem something dim and in the distance, and while we have to be mindful of it, we need to focus clearly on next words before us and how they fit and carry forward our thoughts, ideas, and emotions, how they advance the story at hand as it lies clearly before us on the page.
For example, writing three pages a day, you can have the entire draft of a 547 page novel written in six months. If you take off weekends off, that is still approximately 328 pages, double-spaced. Not a long novel, but certainly a respectable amount.
Granted, that doesn’t take in all the preparation work you have to do beforehand or along the way. Or the rewriting afterwards. But it is a way of thinking of a long piece of writing as manageable steps and helping you to see more clearly what lies at hand, or at the edge of your fingertips and imagination.
Filed under Writing Tip Wednesday
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