Q.: How many screenwriters does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A.: Why does it have to be changed?
Tag Archives: writing humor
Monday morning writing joke: “Hording the light”
Q.: How many cover blurb writers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A.: A VAST AND TEEMING HORDE STRETCHING FROM SEA TO SHINING SEA!!!!
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Monday morning writing joke: “Guess work”
A male romance novelist was hiking in the mountains, and he came upon a shepherd who was tending a large herd of sheep that were grazing in the alpine meadow. The writer took a fancy to the sheep, and asked the shepherd: “If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I have one?”
The shepherd thought this was an odd request, but thought that there was little chance that the man would guess the exact number of sheep, so he said, “Sure.”
The writer guessed, “You have 297 sheep.”
The shepherd was astonished, since this was exactly how many sheep he had.
The writer got excited and asked, “Can I pick out my sheep now?”
The shepherd grudgingly gave his permission. The writer selected his sheep, bent over, and swung the sheep over his shoulders, to carry home with him.
The shepherd then asked, “If I guess what your occupation is, can I have my sheep back?”
The novelist was a bit surprised by this, but figured that it was unlikely that the shepherd would be able to guess his occupation, and went along with the deal.
The shepherd then guessed “You’re a romance novelist, aren’t you?”
The writer was very surprised and asked, “How did you know?”
The shepherd responded, “Just put the dog down and we’ll talk about it.”
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Monday morning writing joke: “All ‘choked up”
Sometimes his writing “chokes” me up.
I’m a writer and I don’t get no respect. I was at a holiday party for writers the other night when I heard someone say of my latest work: “Reading his novel is like eating an artichoke: you have to go through so much to get a little.”
I wasn’t hungry after that.
Monday morning writing joke: Let me preface this
Let me just preface my remarks by saying I shouldn’t have prefaced my remarks.
My critique group can be rather direct. I turned in the first part of the novel, including the preface. One member said he doesn’t read prefaces or preludes or prologues of any kind.
Another one wrote this on in the margin of her critique: “Your preface states that the characters bear no resemblance to any person living or dead. That’s precisely what’s wrong with this story.”
I guess an epilogue is out of the question.
Monday morning (evening) writing joke: the long and short of it
Giving short (story) shrift to a novel idea.
The other day I overheard two people in my writing workshop group talking about my work. One person said she wasn’t sure why, but she would prefer to read something else.
The other person said, “He’s putting everything he knows into his novel. It’s sure to be a short story.”
“And I probably still won’t like it,” the first person said.
Monday morning writing joke: bird’s eye view
A bird’s eye view of literature.
I’m a writer and I don’t get no respect. Just the other day my mother-in-law came to visit. She asked for one of my stories and I gave her the latest one I had written. The next day I had to go and visit her. I asked her how she liked the story. She said it wasn’t long enough.
“Long enough?” I asked.
“Yeah,” she said. “There weren’t enough pages to line the bottom of my parrot’s cage. He’s not happy.”
Ripped from the headlines
Mrs. Emma Jeane Johnston was buried by her husband and son, who preceded her in death.
I think the word to use in this case is “beside” and not “by,” but I don’t think Stephen King could have written it any creepier.
[Editor’s note: The above is an actual headline title or sentence from an article. Like a puca, every now and then and here and there these will appear. Just something to consider when you are writing.]
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Monday morning writing joke: Let there be light
Q.: How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?
A.: Two – one to do most of the turning and the other to give it a final twist at the end.
The mystery began in the most unlikely of places, and it was a shock to hear about.
[Editor’s note: Okay, so this one is a riddle. What would you expect for a mystery?]
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Monday morning writing joke: My agent
A screenwriter comes home to a burned down house. His sobbing and slightly-charred wife is standing outside. “What happened, honey?” the man asks.
“Oh, John, it was terrible,” she weeps. “I was cooking, the phone rang. It was your agent. Because I was on the phone, I didn’t notice the cooker was on fire. It went up in seconds. Everything is gone. I nearly didn’t make it out of the house. Poor Moggie is…”
“Wait, wait. Back up a minute,” the man says. “My agent called?”
Filed under joke, Monday morning writing joke, writing humor
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