The “Past Due” ones were often the toughest to slay.
Filed under absurdity, cartoon by author, CarToonsday
There once was a writer from Minsk /
who wrote once, but couldn’t write since /
Writers block, he would say, /
chipped his confidence away /
or so that was his pretense.
Filed under Monday morning writing joke, poetry by author
An alien crash lands on earth, wanders into a small town, finds the only house with a novelist in it and knocks on the door.
The novelist answers and after the initial shock of seeing such a strange creature, the creature hands him a note. It reads: “In your language, I have come to invade and conquer.”
The novelist scribbles something on a piece of notebook paper, tears it out, and hands it to the alien: “Why?”
The alien types in something on his keyboard and out prints his response: “Because you are weak and we are strong and this world has many things to offer us.”
“Does that include the asteroid on a collision course toward earth?” the novelist asks.
The alien thinks about that. After a moment, the alien turns and leaves.
The novelist turns back to his writing, knowing nobody would believe him if he put this incident in his novel: an alien with good grammar. Unbelievable. After all, fiction had to be believable.
Filed under Monday morning writing joke
This Christmas season.
Santa Claus to a writer: “What do you want for Christmas?”
Writer: “A bestseller.”
Christmas morning the writer wakes up to find the latest New York Times bestseller wrapped and under his tree.
Next Christmas season.
Santa Claus to the same writer: “What do you want for Christmas?”
Writer: “My own bestseller.”
Christmas morning the writer wakes up to find the latest New York Times bestseller autographed to him by the author wrapped and under his tree.
The Christmas season after that.
Santa Claus to the same writer: “What do you want for Christmas?”
Writer: “A bestseller that I wrote.”
Santa looks at the writer for a minute then says: “You’ve come to the wrong place. I bring presents not miracles.”
Filed under Monday morning writing joke
Q.: What does a clock do when it’s hungry?
A.: It goes back four seconds.
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Class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there’s no pop quiz.
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I know a guy who’s addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop anytime.
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Q.: How does Moses make his tea?
A.: Hebrews it.
Filed under Monday morning writing joke
Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
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A soldier survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
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This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I’d never met herbivore.
Filed under Monday morning writing joke
A chicken and a detective-fiction writer waited in line to see Santa Claus.
When the chicken got up on Santa’s lap, it immediately laid an egg, which it gave to Santa.
When the writer sat on Santa’s lap, he also laid an egg.
“That’s amazing!” Santa said.
“Nah,” said the writer. “That’s just a copy of my latest work, a hard-boiled mystery. It’s pretty good, but it does tend to crack toward the end.”
Filed under Monday morning writing joke
Why writers don’t work for tips.
Filed under cartoon by author, CarToonsday
Exceeding egg-spectations.
Some days, the eggs are sunny side up.
Other days, the eggs are over easy.
Some days, you get egg all over your face.
Other days, your eggs are a face.
Either way, some days, the yoke’s on you.
Filed under Photo by author, Photo Finish Friday
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