Tag Archives: words

Found story: Frank and Ike

“Frank, what are we?”

“We’re pumpkins, Ike.”

“But if we’re pumpkins, how come we’re white?”

Frank and Ike

Frank (left) and Ike (right) discuss life as a pumpkin.

“Halloween came and went, and when Christmas came along, they decorated us up as snowmen. Or at least the heads of them.”

“Oh, nice, Frank.”

“If you say so.”

“What do you mean?”

“Ike, just wait and see.”

#

Ike Closeup

Ike tells Frank they're changing.

“Frank, are you still there?”

“Yes, Ike.”

“We’re changing. I feel it on the inside.”

“If you say so.”

#

“Frank, look at you.”

“I can’t see myself, Ike. I can’t even see you now.”

“Frank, I’m scared.”

“I know.”

Ike undone

Ike becoming undone.

“Frank, what are we?”

“We’re friends.”

“I mean, what are we? What are we becoming?”

“We’re pumpkins, Ike. We’ve been pumpkins. We are pumpkins. We will always be pumpkins.”

“Are you sure?”

“I’m sure.”

“That’s good to know, Frank. Good to know.”

“Good bye, Ike.”

“Frank, don’t leave me.”

“Frank … Frank ….”

Frank undone

Frank undone.

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Writing Tip: Successful Revision

[Editor’s note: the essay below is taken from an e-mail newsletter sent out by the writer Bruce Hale. you can find his web site at: http://www.brucehalewritingtips.com/. You can also sign up for his e-newsletter at that site. Each electronic newsletter comes with other information, including a writing joke.]

5 ELEMENTS OF A SUCCESSFUL REVISION

By Bruce Hale

So you’ve finished that first draft and let your story marinate in its own juices for a while, and now it’s time for revision. Only question is: where to start?

With a picture book, that’s not too terribly daunting. But with a longer novel, you’d be well served to devise a strategy before plunging into those narrative hickets that can swallow the unwary writer. I suspect everyone has his or her own favored approach to revision. Here’s the one I’ve found most useful…

1. FIRST READ
First time through, the hardest thing is to *just* read your story and take notes. No line edits, no grammar corrections, no paragraph revisions — just reading. But if you want to be able to see the whole forest, instead of the individual trees, this approach is vital.

By all means, take copious notes. “Tighten the opening on page 43;” “wonky sentence on page 12, first paragraph;” “fix the plot logic in Chapter 18.” These are all helpful. And they prepare the way for…

2. FIRST REVISION
Once you’ve waded through your story and taken copious notes, congratulate yourself. It’s not as bad as you thought, right? (We hope.) With this optimistic thought, it’s time to roll up the sleeves and plunge into wholehearted revision.

The first time through, work on larger issues: plot holes, character inconsistencies, gaps in story logic, slow scenes that need to be trimmed, and so forth. You can always do the fine polishing later.

Revise sequentially if you can, rather than skipping around. For any sections that require you to write new material, use the same method you would in a first draft: write it fast and sloppy. After all, you can always fix it in the NEXT revision.

3. READ-ALOUD REVISION
Taking the time to read your work aloud may seem redundant at this point, but it’s necessary. You won’t believe how many errors you’ll catch. Homonyms, awkward phrasing, missing words, echoes (unintentionally repeated words) — all these will pop out at you like Halloween skeletons at a haunted house.

This is the revision where you can really focus on the sound and rhythm of your writing. Listen for those areas that sound clunky and don’t really roll off the tongue — that’s your cue to break out the belt sander and make things smooooth.

4. DIALOG REVISION
Once the story is as good as you can make it, and you’ve read aloud to catch hidden glitches, it’s time to turn the microscope on your dialog. First, make sure each character speaks differently. Have them use different idioms, word choice and catch phrases — otherwise, they’ll all sound like each other (or like you).

Top-notch authors like Elmore Leonard vary their character dialog so deftly, they don’t even need attributions (he said/she said). It’s that clear who’s speaking. In real life, we all have our own ways of putting things. So just make sure your fictional characters possess that same distinction.

5. FINAL CHECK
Before I send my story off to agent or editor, I usually try to let it sit for a week or so, then do one last read-through, to make sure all my changes fit, and to smooth out any remaining rough edges. This is an ideal time to search for words you overuse. (And we *all* overuse certain pet words.)

For example, I know that I tend to drop in “just” and “only” too often, and I tend to have too many characters shrugging and nodding. A quick search for these words shows me where I’ve overdone it, and a quick fix guards against too much sameness in the manuscript.

And that’s about all I can bear to write on the subject of revision right now. I think you know why. Yes — time to get back to revising my latest story.

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Found story: Santa takes on extra work

Santa hit man bounty hunter

Santa hit man bounty hunter

Finding work in the off season hard to come by, Santa takes a job as a bounty hunter and hit man. Using his naughty list, he tracks down the not-so-nice folks and brings them to justice or brings them down.

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The Writing Life: The point of the long and winding sentence

Pico Iyer says writing longer phrases is a way to protest the speed of information bites people are subjected to each day.

By Pico Iyer, Special to the Los Angeles Times

January 8, 2012

“Your sentences are so long,” said a friend who teaches English at a local college, and I could tell she didn’t quite mean it as a compliment. The copy editor who painstakingly went through my most recent book often put yellow dashes on-screen around my multiplying clauses, to ask if I didn’t want to break up my sentences or put less material in every one. Both responses couldn’t have been kinder or more considered, but what my friend and my colleague may not have sensed was this: I’m using longer and longer sentences as a small protest against — and attempt to rescue any readers I might have from — the bombardment of the moment.

When I began writing for a living, my feeling was that my job was to give the reader something vivid, quick and concrete that she couldn’t get in any other form; a writer was an information-gathering machine, I thought, and especially as a journalist, my job was to go out into the world and gather details, moments, impressions as visual and immediate as TV. Facts were what we needed most. And if you watched the world closely enough, I believed (and still do), you could begin to see what it would do next, just as you can with a sibling or a friend; Don DeLillo or Salman Rushdie aren’t mystics, but they can tell us what the world is going to do tomorrow because they follow it so attentively.

Yet nowadays the planet is moving too fast for even a Rushdie or DeLillo to keep up, and many of us in the privileged world have access to more information than we know what to do with. What we crave is something that will free us from the overcrowded moment and allow us to see it in a larger light. No writer can compete, for speed and urgency, with texts or CNN news flashes or RSS feeds, but any writer can try to give us the depth, the nuances — the “gaps,” as Annie Dillard calls them — that don’t show up on many screens. Not everyone wants to be reduced to a sound bite or a bumper sticker.

Enter (I hope) the long sentence: the collection of clauses that is so many-chambered and lavish and abundant in tones and suggestions, that has so much room for near-contradiction and ambiguity and those places in memory or imagination that can’t be simplified, or put into easy words, that it allows the reader to keep many things in her head and heart at the same time, and to descend, as by a spiral staircase, deeper into herself and those things that won’t be squeezed into an either/or. With each clause, we’re taken further and further from trite conclusions — or that at least is the hope — and away from reductionism, as if the writer were a dentist, saying “Open wider” so that he can probe the tender, neglected spaces in the reader (though in this case it’s not the mouth that he’s attending to but the mind).

“There was a little stoop of humility,” Alan Hollinghurst writes in a sentence I’ve chosen almost at random from his recent novel “The Stranger’s Child,” “as she passed through the door, into the larger but darker library beyond, a hint of frailty, an affectation of bearing more than her fifty-nine years, a slight bewildered totter among the grandeur that her daughter now had to pretend to take for granted.” You may notice — though you don’t have to — that “humility” has rather quickly elided into “affectation,” and the point of view has shifted by the end of the sentence, and the physical movement through the rooms accompanies a gradual inner movement that progresses through four parallel clauses, each of which, though legato, suggests a slightly different take on things.

Many a reader will have no time for this; William Gass or Sir Thomas Browne may seem long-winded, the equivalent of driving from L.A. to San Francisco by way of Death Valley, Tijuana and the Sierras. And a highly skilled writer, a Hemingway or James Salter, can get plenty of shading and suggestion into even the shortest and straightest of sentences. But too often nowadays our writing is telegraphic as a way of keeping our thinking simplistic, our feeling slogan-crude. The short sentence is the domain of uninflected talk-radio rants and shouting heads on TV who feel that qualification or subtlety is an assault on their integrity (and not, as it truly is, integrity’s greatest adornment).

If we continue along this road, whole areas of feeling and cognition and experience will be lost to us. We will not be able to read one another very well if we can’t read Proust’s labyrinthine sentences, admitting us to those half-lighted realms where memory blurs into imagination, and we hide from the person we care for or punish the thing that we love. And how can we feel the layers, the sprawl, the many-sidedness of Istanbul in all its crowding amplitude without the 700-word sentence, transcribing its features, that Orhan Pamuk offered in tribute to his lifelong love?

To pick up a book is, ideally, to enter a world of intimacy and continuity; the best volumes usher us into a larger universe, a more spacious state of mind akin to the one I feel when hearing Bach (or Sigur Rós) or watching a Terrence Malick film. I cherish Thomas Pynchon’s prose (in “Mason & Dixon,” say), not just because it’s beautiful, but because his long, impeccable sentences take me, with each clause, further from the normal and the predictable, and deeper into dimensions I hadn’t dared to contemplate. I can’t get enough of Philip Roth because the energy and the complication of his sentences, at his best, pull me into a furious debate in which I see a mind alive, self-questioning, wildly controlled in its engagement with the world. His is a prose that banishes all simplicities while never letting go of passion.

Not every fashioner of many-comma’d sentences works for every one of us — I happen to find Henry James unreadable, his fussily unfolding clauses less a reflection of his noticing everything than of his inability to make up his mind or bring anything to closure: a kind of mental stutter. But the promise of the long sentence is that it will take you beyond the known, far from shore, into depths and mysteries you can’t get your mind, or most of your words, around.

When I read the great exemplar of this, Herman Melville — and when I feel the building tension as Martin Luther King’s “Letter from Birmingham Jail” swells with clause after biblical clause of all the things people of his skin color cannot do — I feel as if I’m stepping out of the crowded, overlighted fluorescent culture of my local convenience store and being taken up to a very high place from which I can see across time and space, in myself and in the world. It’s as if I’ve been rescued, for a moment, from the jostle and rush of the 405 Freeway and led back to something inside me that has room for certainty and doubt at once.

Watch Dillard light up and rise up and ease down as she finds, near the end of her 1974 book “Pilgrim at Tinker Creek,” “a maple key, a single winged seed from a pair. Hullo. I threw it into the wind and it flew off again, bristling with animate purpose, not like a thing dropped or windblown, pushed by the witless winds of convection currents hauling round the world’s rondure where they must, but like a creature muscled and vigorous, or a creature spread thin to that other wind, the wind of the spirit which bloweth where it listeth, lighting, and raising up, and easing down.”

I love books; I read and write them for the same reason I love to talk with a friend for 10 hours, not 10 minutes (let alone, as is the case with the average Web page, 10 seconds). The longer our talk goes, ideally, the less I feel pushed and bullied into the unbreathing boxes of black and white, Republican or Democrat, us or them. The long sentence is how we begin to free ourselves from the machine-like world of bullet points and the inhumanity of ballot-box yeas or nays.

There’ll always be a place for the short sentence, and no one could thrill more than I to the eerie incantations of DeLillo, building up menace with each reiterated note, or the compressed wisdom of a Wilde; it’s the elegant conciseness of their phrases that allow us to carry around the ideas of an Emerson (or Lao Tzu) as if they were commandments or proverbs of universal application.

But we’ve got shortness and speed up the wazoo these days; what I long for is something that will sustain me and stretch me till something snaps, take me so far beyond a simple clause or a single formulation that suddenly, unexpectedly, I find myself in a place that feels as spacious and strange as life itself.

The long sentence opens the very doors that a short sentence simply slams shut. Though the sentence I sent my copy editor was as short as possible. No.

Iyer is the author, most recently, of “The Man Within My Head,” published this month.

Copyright © 2012, Los Angeles Times

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Epic fight to put awesome in its place

http://www.latimes.com/news/local/la-me-holland-20120106,0,2183189.column

Trying to drive a stake through a conversational staple

British-born poet and journalist John Tottenham says that saying ‘awesome’ in his presence is like ‘waving a crucifix in a vampire’s face.’

Gale Holland, Los Angeles Times

January 6, 2012

“Awesome,” according to one dictionary of slang, is “something Americans use to describe everything.”

The linguistic overkill horrifies John Tottenham. So the British-born L.A. poet, painter and journalist has launched what he calls the Campaign to Stamp Out Awesome, or CPSOA.

“Saying the word in my presence is like waving a crucifix in a vampire’s face,” Tottenham says. “It’s boiled down to one catchall superlative that’s completely meaningless.”

I met with Tottenham last week at CSPOA headquarters inside Stories, the Echo Park bookstore he is trying to turn into the world’s first awesome-free zone. “Ground zero for a quiet revolution,” Tottenham calls the cafe and shop, where he has a day job. The group’s manifesto is posted at the counter, and no-awesome stickers with the usual diagonal slash are on sale, with T-shirts to follow, Tottenham said.

“It’s a matter of semantic satiation,” Tottenham told me. “Sometimes I’m sitting in a crowd and I hold my breath until someone says it. Seldom do I die of asphyxiation as a result.”

There’s no arguing with Tottenham’s premise that “awesome” is seen and heard everywhere, from the sign on the tchotchke aisle at the 99-cent store to the lips of supermarket cashiers. UC Santa Barbara linguist Mary Bucholtz says that from its dusky origins, perhaps in 1970s surfer slang, it’s spread to Australia and English-speaking India.

But Tottenham failed to convince me it’s a bad thing. What’s wrong with bathing everything in the sunny light of superlativity? I asked him.

I admire the “awesome” generation’s ability to talk at all with only a few words at its disposal.

The economy of expression is poetic, I argued. The conversations go like this:

Caller 1: Dude?

Caller 2: Dude.

Caller 1: Whadup?

Caller 2: Chillin.

Caller 1: Awesome. Want to kick it?

Caller 2: I’m down.

Caller 1: Now?

Caller 2: Awesome. I’m out.

Caller 1: Peace.

Somewhere, DEA agents are holed up in a hotel room listening to this for hours on end and going out of their minds.

But there’s a subtle genius in language that has been wiped clean of almost all content. Nobody has to risk expressing a real thought or sentiment. Bland affirmation is an impenetrable defense. No one can object. As Syme, the language specialist in charge of shrinking the dictionary in George Orwell’s dystopian novel “1984” put it, “It’s a beautiful thing, the destruction of words.”

Tottenham was having none of it.

“The bogus sense of positivity has a demoralizing effect,” he said. “People resent it if you don’t say you’re doing great.”

Bucholtz, the linguist, pointed out that every generation thinks the next one is wrecking the English language. Tottenham, an old punk rocker who fled dreary old England for the Wild West, gave that point some consideration. But in the end, he rejected it.

“I hated it when I was young, ” Tottenham said. “It is the most irritating word.”

Tottenham said his linguistic cleansing movement has mostly been embraced, at least within “the two-block radius of Echo Park where I am a minor celebrity.” One Stories customer bristled when he tried to get her to honor the awesome ban, though.

“But I’m from California,” she said. “I can’t help it.”

As we chatted, a man in a cowboy shirt came up to congratulate Tottenham on his recent performance of an anti-awesome screed at a local gallery.

“That was awesome,” the man said, grinning widely.

Tottenham smiled back sourly.

“I know I’m setting myself up as a target to be churlishly bombarded by people who use the word to irritate me,” Tottenham said. “People who know about the campaign and want to further express their lack of verbal ingenuity….They do it because they think it’s witty, which it isn’t.”

“But I’m willing to take it on the nose in an honorable cause,” he said.

Tottenham already is looking toward other cliches to conquer.

“Other words will be addressed once we get rid of awesome,” Tottenham promises. “‘It’s all good.’ That’s definitely crying out to be done.”

But as with all social engineering movements, Tottenham has hit unexpected obstacles. As we chatted, we walked to a nearby cafe that had posted his no-awesome sticker in the window. The waitress stopped by to say the restaurant had been forced to take the sign down.

“The staff vetoed it,” she said. “They’re afraid people are going to think the restaurant is not awesome.”

gale.holland@latimes.com

Copyright © 2012, Los Angeles Times

[Blog editor’s note: The title of this blog entry is mine, and is done a bit tongue-in-cheek. I approve this poet’s efforts, as all writers should. Poor and inadequate as they are at times, words are all we have to build our stories, poems, essays, novels, and other word constructs for examining life and who we are. Words are our tools and they deserve our respect.]

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Parting shot: Mary Christmas

Mary Christmas

Mary Christmas, wherever you are.

Let us Harold in a New Year.

Commentary: in case you are wondering, this is an actual sign in the small city where I live. I could not win a spelling bee if thrown into one, but I do know that Merry can be Mary, and Mary Christmas could be the name of somebody, but usually it Merry before Christmas, and maybe after Christmas, too. I also know we all have our crosses to bare, and some of them can be more of a bear than others, but sometimes we bare our crosses in ways that might make Mary merry, especially with Harold around. Here’s hoping we can all find a dictionary in 2012 when we need one.

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I, the mirror

There are days when I peek in the mirror

and see only the empty stare of a fallen reality….

I stand on the street corner outside a crooked church,

steeple cocked as if listening for a lost repent.

Dressed in a seek sucker suit,

the stripe in it as deep

as the cerulean sky above,

I cup brown rice in my hand,

my pockets bulging with it.

I hear the processional wedding march.

The battered door on the landing above me creaks.

I fling my rice high in the air

and it susurrates to the Earth

as rain and then as my tears.

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Some words to live by

On the political front:
A member of Parliament to Disraeli: “Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease.”
“That depends, Sir,” said Disraeli, “whether I embrace your policies or your mistress.”
[Editor’s note: Only the line “Sir, I knew Jack Kennedy and you’re no Jack Kennedy” comes close to this in recent U.S. politics. Too bad we don’t have more of it.]

“He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts… for support rather than illumination.”
Andrew Lang (1844-1912)

Do opposites attract?
“He had delusions of adequacy.”
Walter Kerr

“He is a self-made man and worships his creator.”
John Bright

“He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.”
Winston Churchill

Words for the dead and dying:
“I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.”
Mark Twain

“I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.”
Clarence Darrow

“I’ve just learned about his illness. Let’s hope it’s nothing trivial.”
Irvin S. Cobb

On the literary front:
“He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary.”
William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)

“Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I’ll waste no time reading it.”
Moses Hadas

Literary point and counterpoint:
George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill:
“I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend, if you have one.” –
Winston Churchill, in response:
“Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second …. if there is one.”

Musical accompaniment:
“He has Van Gogh’s ear for music.”
Billy Wilder

Instead of saying your mother wears army boots:
“His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.”
Mae West

“He loves nature in spite of what it did to him.”
Forrest Tucker

For the man (or woman) who has everything:
“He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.”
Oscar Wilde

“I feel so miserable without you; it’s almost like having you here.”
Stephen Bishop

“He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others.”
Samuel Johnson

“He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up.”
Paul Keating

“In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily.”
Charles, Count Talleyrand

When the evening has come and gone not the way you hoped:
“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.”
Oscar Wilde

“I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn’t it.”
Groucho Marx

The last word, or not:
“Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?”
Mark Twain

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The Devil’s Dictionary: then and now: abasement

Every now and then, it is good to revisit a classic, or even a curiosity from the past. The Devil’s Dictionary by Ambrose Bierce was originally published in newspaper installments from 1881 until 1906. You might be surprised how current many of the entries are.

For example, here is a definition for the word abasement. The first definition is Bierce’s. The second one is mine. From time to time, just as it was originally published, we will come back to The Devil’s Dictionary, for a look at it then and how it applies today.

Abasement, n. A decent and customary mental attitude in the presence of wealth or power. Particularly appropriate in an employee when addressing an employer.

Recent chart showing what a CEO makes versus the average worker makes in several developed nations throughout the world:

Pay ratio

Comparison of pay rate ratio in U.S. and other countries

Abasement, n. Where we are all going to be living as the wealthy 10 percent in the U.S. accumulate even more wealth beyond the 2/3 percent of the net wealth they already have, and the rest of us have to go live in a basement somewhere.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/04/05/us-inequality-infographic_n_845042.html#s261411&title=Wage_Inequality

http://motherjones.com/politics/2011/02/income-inequality-in-america-chart-graph

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I have a haunted bathroom

I have a haunted bathroom,
A sink that runs with blood.
I have a haunted bathroom,
It’s full of grime and crud.

I have a haunted bathroom,
From toilet nary a stink.
I have a haunted bathroom,
Because a ghost there stops to drink.

I have a haunted bathroom,
Its walls are cracked and old.
I have a haunted bathroom,
It’s a place too scary for mold.

I have a haunted bathroom,
A bathtub full of red.
I have a haunted bathroom,
An alien bathes there it is said.

I have a haunted bathroom
A cracked mirror in which to stare.
I have a haunted bathroom.
It is beyond repair.

I have a haunted bathroom
With a curtain nice and thick.
I have a haunted bathroom,
If you open it, you’ll say, “Ick!”

Haunted bathroom photo

I have a hauted bathroom....

I have a haunted bathroom.
Enter, if you dare.
I have a haunted bathroom,
If you look, the word is there.

I have a haunted bathroom,
With a picture of my home.
I have a haunted bathroom,
A place I like to roam.

I have a haunted bathroom,
Come visit me on Halloween.
I have a haunted bathroom,
The spookiest you’ve ever seen.

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