If someone gives you half a chance and you have half a mind to take it, does that mean you are a quarter of the way there?
Tag Archives: words
The sleeve to which she was bound
Sleaze stood still, but kept losing ground
As a precipice formed around.
The coat might save him,
If only the girl gave him,
The sleeve to which she was bound.
Filed under humor, limerick, poem, poetry, Random Access Thoughts, story, story poem, word play, words, writing
Between them grew an ugly abyss
Sleaze ranted and yelled and let out a hiss:
“This is mine, you dirty little miss.”
She pulled one sleeve on;
The other was gone.
And between them grew an ugly abyss.
Filed under humor, poem, poetry, portmanteau, Random Access Thoughts, story poem, word play, words, writing
“And I’ll go insane”
“O’, hex a mubble skibble fritz
Without the coat I can’t break it.
The curse will remain
And I’ll go insane.
O’, hex a mubble skibble fritz.”
Filed under humor, limerick, poem, poetry, portmanteau, Random Access Thoughts, story poem, word play, words, writing
The seam ripped open into a breach
The Sleaze ran fast along the beach.
He grasped the coat hard like a leach.
He pulled it his way;
She pulled it to stay.
And the seam ripped open into a breach.
Filed under humor, limerick, poem, poetry, portmanteau, Random Access Thoughts, story poem, words, writing
Much alarm, great harm, and all fright
The girl ran with all her might,
Aiming for the coat, then aiming for out of slight.
For the Sleaze had seen her
And he would mean her
Much alarm, great harm, and all fright.
Filed under humor, limerick, poem, poetry, portmanteau, Random Access Thoughts, story poem, words, writing
Playing with words
Modern Atlas holding up an Atlas.
Here are the winners:
1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
2. Ignoranus: A person who’s both stupid and an asshole.
3. Intaxicaton: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
5. Bozone ( n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high
8. Sarchasm : The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn’t get it.
9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
10. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease.
(This one got extra credit.)
11. Karmageddon: It’s like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it’s like, a serious bummer … like….
12. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
13. Glibido: All talk and no action.
14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you’ve accidentally walked through a spider web.
16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
17. Caterpallor ( n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you’re eating.
The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.
And the winners are:
1. Coffee (n.): The person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted (adj.): Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.
3. Abdicate (v.): To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade (v.): To attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly (adj.): Impotent.
6. Negligent (adj.): Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.
7. Lymph (v.): To walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle (n.): Olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence (n.): Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash (n.): A rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle (n.): A humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude (n.): The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. Pokemon (n.): A Rastafarian proctologist.
14. Oyster (n.): A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism (n.): The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Circumvent (n.): An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.
Turn your heart into glass or to stone
The gnome said to leave it alone
That the coat was not of this zone.
“If you mess with it, dear one
Twilight will come near one
And turn your heart into glass or to stone.”
Filed under humor, limerick, poem, poetry, portmanteau, story poem, words, writing
The girl turned reckless and bold
The weather turned suddenly cold.
The coat was threadbare and old.
But when she saw it appear –
Even with the Sleaze near –
The girl turned reckless and bold.
Filed under humor, limerick, poem, poetry, portmanteau, Random Access Thoughts, story poem, words, writing
Learned what true giving meant
The portmanteau was content
To be helping by being bent
Into a safe place
For the three with no space.
It learned what true giving meant.
Filed under limerick, poem, poetry, portmanteau, Random Access Thoughts, story poem, words, writing
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