Mrs. Emma Jeane Johnston was buried by her husband and son, who preceded her in death.
I think the word to use in this case is “beside” and not “by,” but I don’t think Stephen King could have written it any creepier.
[Editor’s note: The above is an actual headline title or sentence from an article. Like a puca, every now and then and here and there these will appear. Just something to consider when you are writing.]
Filed under Uncategorized
Nothing in the vows says to have and to hold until imagination does you part.
My wife told me I had to stop writing. She said I was having more fun with my imaginary friends than I was with her. I said, So? Big mistake. Big mistake. I forgot what a wallup a real person packs. My oral surgeon said one or two more surgeries and I’ll be almost as good as new. I’ll only have to take the dentures out once a day.
Cute as hell, she said.
Figure of speech, she said.
I figured as much.
Filed under poetry by author, Workshop weekend
Every now and then there comes a need for a new word. Toward that end, we here at Booker’s Blog will from time to time put forth new words for consideration. We hope you will give them their proper consideration, and if you find them useful, bring them like a new friend into your daily life.
New word: festidious:
A combination of fastidious and fetish.
Fastidious, adj., hard to please; excessively particular, critical, or demanding
Fetish, n., any object, idea, etc., eliciting unquestioning reverence, respect, or devotion: to make a fetish of high grades.
Festidious: a fastidious fetish, near irrational adherence to rules, ideas, persons, body parts, etc.
Used in a sentence: He was festidious to the point of obsurdity (another new word) in the way he folded and put away his underwear. If there was any woman who could understand him and please him in this area, he would marry her, even if he had to festidiously force her into it.
Filed under new word, New words to live by, words, Words to live by
It can be difficult figuring out your characters’ just desserts.
Filed under cartoon by author, CarToonsday
Sometimes, plot happens.
[Editor’s note: Apparently, in addition to needing talent, I can also use an editor. I had an extra “y” dangling in the earlier version, which I only caught a little while ago. Possibly the best letter to have dangling at the end of a word considering the subject. Above is a slightly updated version, sans extra “y.”]
Filed under cartoon by author, CarToonsday
The blathering idiot darts up to a stocking clerk in a grocery store.
“You’re Spotted Dick, where is it?”
The male stocking clerk looks at him. “Come again?”
“Your Spotted Dick,” the blathering idiot said. “I need your Spotted Dick.”
“But I don’t have one.”
“One? One what?”
“Spotted dick, sir.”
“But you’ve advertised that you do.”
The clerk’s face turns red.
“I have not!”
“Yes, you have.”
“No I haven’t!”
“Yes, you have advertised that you have Spotted Dick.”
The clerk blushes. “That’s not what I advertised, sir.”
The blathering idiot stops, looks at the young man, a couple of small clusters of acne on his check and chin, and slowly realizes he may have been misunderstood.
He spots another clerk. This time a woman. He walks up to her. “Have you Spotted Dick?”
“Have you tried aisle nine?” she says and then quickly walks away.
Canned Spotted Dick; find it at your local grocery store. Just be careful whom you ask.
“Thank you.” The blathering idiot walks over to aisle nine. It is an aisle of coffee and tea and some drinks in pouches, but there is no Spotted Dick. He stomps up and down the aisle twice and is about the curse this store, the earth, even the universe itself when a woman walks by, Spotted Dick in her cart, near the top, the name in plain view.
His face lights up. He points at the can. “Madam, do you know what you have?!”
She looks him up and down. “It’s not what you think.”
“I know what it is.”
“It’s not disgusting or lewd.”
“Where … did … you … find it? I must have it.”
“It’s the last can and you can’t have it.”
“It’s the last can and I can’t have it?”
“That’s right.”
“No it’s not. It’s the last can and I can have it.” He reaches forward, snatches it out of her cart, and runs to the front of the store. He hears the woman wailing and sobbing, screaming to anybody and everybody that somebody has her Spotted Dick.
The blathering idiot is almost out of the store when he is stopped by an off duty police officer working as a security guard. The blathering idiot has his Spotted Dick firmly clutched in his hands. He told the checkout clerk he didn’t need a bag. Zoey was waiting. It was all she wanted to patch things up between them. It was British, she said, and she wanted to help celebrate the Olympics. She showed him the ad and off he dashed to the store, barely getting his clothes on.
“Sir, I need to see some ID,” the security guard says.
“What?” the blathering idiot asks. “I paid for it fair and square.”
The guard nods. “I’m sure you did, but I still need to see some ID. I’m afraid I am going to have to cite you.”
“For what?”
The guard looks down at what the blathering idiot has clutched in his hand. Then he looks down below that. “Sir, your fly is open and several people have spotted … have seen your spotted….”
Filed under blathering idiot, Saturday story, Workshop weekend
Sometimes it’s hard to do a good cartoon.
Thought I would try this version. You can decide which one you prefer, if either. The earlier one appeared on Tuesday, July 17, 2012. You can also click on CarToonsday in the links below and it will bring up that CarToonsday cartoon as well as others.
Filed under cartoon by author, CarToonsday, writing
In our continuing quest to revisit a classic, or even a curiosity from the past and see how relevant it is, we continue with The Devil’s Dictionary by Ambrose Bierce. Originally published in newspaper installments from 1881 until 1906. You might be surprised how current many of the entries are.
For example, here is a definition for Abdomen. The Old definition is Bierce’s. The New definition is mine or somebody else contemporary. From time to time, just as it was originally published, we will come back to The Devil’s Dictionary, for a look at it then and how it applies today. Click on Devil’s Dictionary in the tags below to bring up the other entries.
OLD DEFINITION
Abdomen, n. The temple of the god Stomach, in whose worship, with sacrificial rights, all true men engage. From women this ancient faith commands but a stammering assent. They sometimes minister at the altar in a half-hearted and ineffective way, but true reverence for the one deity that men really adore the know not. If woman had a free hand in the world’s marketing, the race would become graminivorous.
NEW DEFINITION
In this case, it’s more of an augmentation of the original definition than revision of the original.
Augmentation 1:
Beer Belly, n. The temple of the god Stomach after a regular and continual ingesting of liquid graminivorous forms. These graminivorous forms include ale, pale ale, stout, larger, and lite forms of these and other similar liquids.
Augmentation 2:
Six-Pack Abs, n. The flip side (so to say) of the beer belly in which attempts are made to make the temple appear like the packaging of the liquid graminivorous content and not the liquid graminivorous contents themselves.
[Editor’s note: In case you are wondering, graminivorous is a word and it is a word that Bierce used in his definition. I did not add it to show off. It means: feeding or subsisting on grass.]
Filed under Ambrose Bierce, definitions, Devil's Dictionary, dictionary
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