The programmer’s wife tells him: “Run to the store and buy a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, get a dozen.”
The programmer comes home with 12 loaves of bread.
Tag Archives: word play
Monday (morning) writing joke: “Dead again,” part 2
In honor of all the zombie movies over the past year, and books about zombies and other dead creatures, here is the second of two or three “dead” jokes, puns, bits of humor. Groan as you see fit.
Q.: What do you call…
…a race between zombies?
A.: A dead run.
…a warm day for zombies?
A.: A dead heat.
…a zombie who ate his girlfriend?
A.: A dead ‘n’ ate her.
…a zombie in an explosion?
A.: Dead bone air.
…somebody killed by a medieval zombie?
A.: Dead of knight.
…a zombie politician too long in office?
A.: A deadencated public servant.
.…a lobbyist?
A.: Dead weight.
…500 zombie lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?
A.: Habeas corpses.
Monday (morning) writing joke: “Dead again, ” part 1
In honor of all the zombie movies over the past year, and books about zombies and other dead creatures, here is the first of two or three “dead” jokes, puns, bits of humor. Groan as you see fit.
Q.: What do you call…
…a dead psychiatrist?
A.: A dead head.
…a dead musician?
A.: A dead beat.
…a dead twin bell musician?
A.: A dead ringer.
…a dead sailor?
A.: Dead lee
…a dead radio personality?
A.: Dead air
…a dead royal radio personality?
A.: Dead air apparent.
…a dead conservative?
A. Dead to rights
…a dead writer’s last sentence?
A. A deadline.
Filed under Monday morning writing joke
Monday (morning) writing joke: “Under a spell (checker)”
Ode to the Spell Check
Eye halve a spelling chequer
It cam with my pea sea
It plainly marques four my revue
Miss steaks eye kin knot sea.
Eye strike a key and type a word
And weight four it two say
Weather eye am wrong oar write
It shows me strait a weigh.
As soon as a mist ache is maid
It nose bee fore two long
And eye can put the error rite
Its rare lea ever wrong.
Eye have run this poem threw it
Filed under Monday morning writing joke
Sunday silliness: “The Ewe Conundrum”
by DAVID E. BOOKER
Said the lama to the llama,
“I know not where ewe stands.”
Said the lama to the llama,
“To know would be rather grand.”
Said the lama to the llama
As they stood under the ewe tree,
Said the lama to the llama,
“O’ beast, can’t you tell me?”
Said the lama to the llama,
“You’re not like the little ewe.”
Said the lama to the llama,
“I could tell her what to do.”
Said the lama to the llama,
“Won’t you please enlighten me?”
Said the lama to the llama,
“To enlighten is to set free.”
Said the lama to the llama,
“Just one simple, single sign.”
Said the lama to the llama,
“One little sign would be just fine.”
Said the lama to the llama,
“Oh why, oh why, oh why?”
Said the lama to the llama,
“My patience you do try.”
Said the lama to the llama,
“I want an answer now!”
Said the lama to the llama,
“I should have brought a cow.”
Said the lama to the llama
After the llama spit in his eye,
Said the lama to the lama,
“I guess this means good-bye.”
Filed under poetry by author, Sunday silliness
New Word: “Face tedious”
It is the first Saturday of the month and time again for a new word to live. This is a word or phrase not currently in use in the U.S. English lexicon, but might need to be considered. Other words, such as obsurd, crumpify, subsus, flib, congressed, and others, can be found by clicking on the tags below. Today’s New Word is actually a phrase instead of word maybe by merging two other words as has been the case before. Still, without further chattering is the new word for the month of July:
Face tedious, n. what you become to others when you spend too much time on Facebook and other social media commenting and posting too often with too little to actually say. In short, a virtual bore, or “vore.”
Example: Bob kept commenting on Sam’s vacation photos posted on Facebook. He had commented so much and so often that he was a face tedious to all of Sam’s other friends who had liked or commented on the photos, because they kept getting notifications that Bob had commented yet again. None of them “liked” Bob’s comments any more and many of them wished for a “vore” symbol to click to send Bob a message.
Filed under new word, New words to live by
Monday (morning) writing joke: “That’s the spirit”
A ghost walks into a bar and asks for a gin and tonic.
“Sorry,” says the bartender. “We don’t serve spirits.”
Filed under Monday morning writing humor
New word: “subsus”
In this day and time health experts across the country are telling Americans that the average American diet is a wreck: two low in fiber, too high in fat, too high in salt, too many calories, etc. What is needed is a word to capture all this, and here it is: subsus.
Subsus is a combination of
Substandard: adj., meaning below standard or less than adequate.
and
Sustenance: n., means of sustaining life, nourishment.
Now, your doctor or health professional, when he or she tells you to lose weight and eat better, can sum it all up with one word: subsus. “Fred, as you know, your subsus will be your undoing, first of your belt, then your pants’ button, and then your very health.”
Fred then will heave a big sigh and promise to do better, but after several mornings of nothing but one poached egg, one piece of plain, un-buttered toast, and one cup of tepid, black coffee, Fred may feel he is suffering subsus of a different sort.
Filed under new word, New words to live by
Would you buy this novel?
Steve’s a potato and Stephanie’s carrot in a food porn novel entitled The Boiling Stew.
One reviewer said: “This novel is full of heat, with p(l)ot and sub-p(l)ot bubbling over at every turn. The range of emotions ignited in this novel will eave your blood boiling, you mouth watering with anticipation, and your mind consuming the meat of the story as the characters get their just deserts. No glass of water is safe! … Two oven mitts up!”
Filed under absurdity
Monday morning writing joke: “Strike while hot”
Sometimes the white hot heat of passion is misleading.
Filed under cartoon by author, Monday morning writing joke
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