Tag Archives: pun

Monday morning writing joke: “Numbers”

A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, watching his wife, who was looking at herself in a mirror. Since her birthday was not far away, he asked her what she’d like.

“I’d like to be eight again,” she said, still looking in the mirror.

On the morning of her birthday, he arose early, made her a big bowl Captain Crunch and then took her to the nearby theme park. He put her on every ride in the park: the Slide of Death, the Wall of Fear, the Roller Coaster of Doom just to name three.

Five hours and 17 rides later, they stagger out of the park. She said her head was spinning and her stomach felt upside down. Still, he took her to McDonald’s for a Happy Meal with extra fires and a large chocolate shake.

Next was a movie with popcorn, cola, and M&M’s.

Finally, exhausted and late into he evening, they wobbled home and collapsed into the bed.

After a moment, he leaned over her and with a big smile on his face asked, “Well, honey, what was it like being eight again?”

Her eyes slowly opened and a snarl crept across her face. “I meant my dress size, you idiot!

Leave a comment

Filed under 2016, Monday morning writing joke

Ring leader

Ring leader

Phone, phone has rung, /
but you were not among /
those who heard the sound /
as from the phone it bound /
searching for your ear /
but, alas, it is clear /
you were not here to hear /
oh, dear, oh, dear, oh dear.

Leave a comment

Filed under 2016, poetry by author

Monday morning writing joke: “Fishy”

Q.: What do you call a fisherman who can cast a rod with either her left or right hand?

A.: Bi-poler.

***

I went to a seafood disco last week… and pulled a mussel.

Leave a comment

Filed under 2016, Monday morning writing joke

Monday morning writing joke: “Bummed out”

A sixty-ish woman was at home jumping on her bed and squealing with delight.

Her husband watches her for a while and then asks, “Do you have any idea how ridiculous you look?”

The woman continues bouncing on the bed and says, “I don’t care. I just came home from having a mammogram and the doctor said I have the breasts of an 18-year-old.”

The husband asks, “What did he say about your 65-year-old bum?”

“Your name never came up.”

Leave a comment

Filed under 2016, Monday morning writing joke

Haiku to you Thursday: “Message scent”

Blooms in Spring’s desires. /

Companion to construction. /

Scent not of flowers.

A pot to "plant" in.

A pot to “plant” in.

Leave a comment

Filed under 2016, Haiku to You Thursday, poetry by author

Monday morning writing joke: “Joint pain”

A writer sitting on a stool in the corner bar looks over at the bartender. “I’ve tried everything for my joints. Pain medications, homeopathic remedies, strange herbs. I’ve swallowed Glucosamine tablets, Turmeric powder, and honey and cinnamon for my aching joints, but nothing relieves my pain.”

Bartender: “When is it at its worst?”

Writer: “When I’m asked to pay my bar tab.”

The bartender immediately felt a bit of joint pain himself.

Leave a comment

Filed under 2016, Monday morning writing joke

Monday morning writing joke: “Purrfect”

A striped cat writer to a spotted cat writer:

Striped cat: “I’m having a hard time writing this scene.”

Spotted cat: “How does it begin?”

Striped cat: “Tabby, or not Tabby.”

Leave a comment

Filed under 2016, Monday morning writing joke

Monday morning writing joke: “Cluck luck”

Q.: Why did Mozart kill his chickens?

A.: Because he asked him who the best composer was and they all said, “Bach, Bach, Bach.”

Chicken out.

Chicken out.

Leave a comment

Filed under 2016, Monday morning writing joke

Photo finish Friday: “Lights out”

Traffic indecisive.

Traffic indecisive.

There once was a light in town
that folks just couldn’t get around.
Red, yellow, and also green:
all colors could be seen.
It glowed all day and night —
strong was the town’s light plight.
They couldn’t get anywhere
with that light hanging in the air.
Stuck at a standstill they were;
no thought or action could occur.
Nobody knew what to expect
or which color light to select.
Green meant they should go,
yellow meant I don’t know,
And red meant do no more,
keep your brake down to the floor.
So there were wrecks and bottlenecks
and people who couldn’t trek.
The town was in full mess.
What to do was anyone’s guess.
Then one day in the dead of night
with hoods on to block the light
people stumbled and bumbled around
until they cut the light Hydra down.
They hung it in the town museum
where folks now can come and see them:
all three bright lights —
glowing both day and night.
But they attached a timer switch
so even those caught in its twitch
have a chance to get away
on this, April Fool’s Day.
So, if you ever come to town
and feel life has you down,
go where others have already gone
and watch the lights shine on and on.

–photo and poem by David E. Booker

Leave a comment

Filed under 2016, photo by David E. Booker, poetry by author

cARtOONSdAY: “tHE bIG lIFT”

She glared at me as if I were a dumbbell.

She glared at me as if I were a dumbbell.

Leave a comment

Filed under 2016, cartoon by author, CarToonsday