Tag Archives: no respect

June 9, 2014 · 8:36 am

Monday morning writing joke: “A-musing”

Simply a-musing

Simply a-musing

I’m a writer and I don’t get no respect. Not even from my muse.

The other day my muse showed up after leaving me high and dry for months.

He said, “Guess what? To make it up to you I’ll grant you three wishes.”

I said, “Okay, first, I want this novel manuscript to be done. Second, I want it to be a best seller and make lots of money. Third, I want it to be made into a movie and make even more money and fame. Go it?”

My muse nodded.

I waited. Three days. Three weeks. Three months. Three years. It did not happen.

When I finally saw my muse again, I asked why my wishes hadn’t come true.

“But they will,” my muse said, “but first you have to die.”

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March 10, 2014 · 8:54 am

Monday morning writing joke: “Dog gone.”

Writers and leaves.

Writers and leaves.

Last night I walked into a bar, followed by a dog.

“Hey,” the bartender barks out, “we don’t serve your kind.”

I pointed to the dog and said, “He’s not with me.”

The bartender stared at me. “I ain’t talking about him.”

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January 20, 2014 · 10:08 am

Monday morning writing joke: “second opinion”

Sometimes, it's harder to catch a break form a doctor than to catch a cold.

Sometimes, it’s harder to catch a break form a doctor than to catch a cold.

I went to see my doctor the other day and he said he had bad news.

I said, “What, doctor? Are you moving away?”

He said, “No. But you only have six months to live.”

I said, “Doctor, I want a second opinion.”

He said, “Okay. Your writing won’t outlive you.”

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December 2, 2013 · 10:44 pm

Monday (morning) writing joke: “Worn out”

Who gives a sock?

Who gives a sock?

I’m a writer and I don’t get no respect. The other day, a critic said of my latest work: “His story is as loud and useless as my worn-out socks.”

I wrote the critic and asked him how can worn out socks be loud?

He wrote me back saying he was taking poetic license.

I wrote back asking why he buys his socks from a poet? I must have said something adverse, because I haven’t heard back from him. But he did send me a bill for four pairs of socks.

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November 4, 2013 · 10:04 am

Monday morning writing humor: “Registered failure”

Even the registered mail doesn't recognize me.

Even the registered mail doesn’t recognize me.

I’m a writer and I don’t get no respect. Just the other day I went to pick up a registered letter addressed to me from an agent, but the post office wouldn’t let me have it because they said I wasn’t the writer the letter was addressed to.

I showed them by driver’s license. Not good enough.

I showed them my Social Security Card. Not good enough.

I showed them my library card. Not good enough.

Only when I showed them a box full of rejection slips did they believe me.

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June 4, 2013 · 4:47 am

cARtOONSDAY: nO rESPECT: “eNLIGHTENMENT”

The light of my words.

The light of my words.

I’m a writer and I don’t get no respect. My wife held our first cook out over Memorial Day weekend, but it almost didn’t happen. She couldn’t get the coals to light. Then she did. And just before the guests arrived. After the cook out, I asked her what she’d used. She said she used one of my novels.

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December 24, 2012 · 10:25 am

Monday morning writing joke: “Best seller”

Sometimes "coal" comes in strange forms.

Sometimes “coal” comes in strange forms.

I’m a writer and I don’t get no respect. Just the other day, I saw Santa Claus. I said, “Hey Santa, I want a best seller. Just one best seller. That’s all I ask. That’s all I work for. Can you help me out?”

On Christmas morning I found a Stephen King novel under my tree. A used one at that.

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December 3, 2012 · 10:14 pm

Monday (morning) evening writing joke

Sometimes, good things take time; and awful things can take even longer.

Sometimes, good things take time; and awful things can take even longer.

I’m a writer and I don’t get no respect. A few months back at a writing conference, I happen to talk to an agent and I asked her what was the most important thing she looked for in a manuscript. She said, “Good writing.”

When I got home I immediately sent her my manuscript.

Then I heard nothing.

And after a few more months, I still heard nothing.

Eventually I caught up with the agent at another writing conference and I was about to ask her why I hadn’t heard from her, when she raised a hand and said two words: “Still looking.”

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October 8, 2012 · 9:42 am

Monday morning writing joke: dead end

Writer, no respect

Sometimes the photocopied note is a dead give away.

As a writer, I don’t get no respect. Just the other day I received a note from a publishing company on my submission. It read: “As a mystery novel, it’s just run-of-the-morgue.”

Shows you how much they read. There’s no morgue in my novel.

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October 1, 2012 · 8:48 pm

Monday (morning) writing joke: hair of the dog

Writer, no respect

Writing tip: keeping tabs on your favorite writer can be surprising.

I’m a writer and I don’t get no respect. I went into a bar that caters to well-known writers.

I told the bar tender, “Give me what your best writer has most often in here.”

She promptly handed me the tab.

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