There once was a man so mean /
his face was too ugly to be seen. /
He was banned from sight /
so as not to give fright — /
except for the night called Halloween.
The man and his amulet.
Tag Archives: Monday
Monday morning writing joke: “Too ugly to be seen.”
Filed under Monday morning writing joke, poetry by author
Monday morning writing joke: “A programmer’s dozen”
The programmer’s wife tells him: “Run to the store and buy a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, get a dozen.”
The programmer comes home with 12 loaves of bread.
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Monday morning writing joke: “double take”
It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally.
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Monday morning writing joke: “baggage”
A photon checks into a hotel.
The bell hop asks, “Any luggage?”
“Nope,” says the photon, “I’m traveling light.”
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Monday morning writing joke: “Rhetoric”
What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?
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Monday (morning) writing joke: “Stuck”
There once was writer of plays /
who could not get his character his way. /
“Oh, no,” they said. /
He shook his head in dread /
and he’s stuck in Act I to this day.
Filed under Monday morning writing joke
Monday (morning) writing joke: “Turn of events”
A writer died and was given the option of going to heaven or hell.
She decided to check out each place first. As the writer descended into the fiery pits, she saw row upon row of writers chained to their desks in a steaming sweatshop. As they worked, they were repeatedly whipped with thorny lashes.
“Oh my,” said the writer. “Let me see heaven now.”
A few moments later, as she ascended into heaven, she saw rows of writers, chained to their desks in a steaming sweatshop. As they worked, they, too, were whipped with thorny lashes.
“Wait a minute,” said the writer. “This is just as bad as hell!”
“Oh no, it’s not,” replied an unseen voice. “Here, your work gets published.”
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Monday morning writing joke: “the vote”
Two writers are sitting at a bar, as writers are sometimes want to do.
One writer sips his drink and says, “I’m thinking of make a run for the U.S. Congress. If I do, will you vote for me?”
The other writer puts down his drink and says, “No.”
The first writer hesitates, looking visibly taken aback, but then asks, “Why not?”
The other writer says, “Because I already know all your lies.”
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Cobbling Together Concepts and Loglines
Filed under writing tip
Monday morning writing joke: “Passing the buck”
[Editor’s note: the below article is true. No names were changed, not even the filing location: Bulls Gap. In the words of Mark Twain: “Truth is stranger than fiction, but it is because Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities. Truth isn’t.” — Following the Equator, Pudd’nhead Wilson’s New Calendar. Now, as a writer, what can you make of this bit of news?]
Woman hospitalized to remove stolen $5,000 from rectum
by JEFF BOBO
BULLS GAP — A theft charge is pending against a Hawkins County woman who allegedly stole $5,000 from her boyfriend and was then hospitalized for injuries suffered attempting to remove the cash from her “hiding place.”
Around 1 a.m. Tuesday, the Hawkins County Sheriff’s Office was dispatched to the home of Bobby Gulley, 249 North Ridge Road, Bulls Gap, on a complaint that his girlfriend was stealing from him.
Gulley told HCSO Sgt. Michael Allen he’d “set a trap” for Christie Black, 43, also of that address, by placing two envelopes containing $4,000 and $1,000 in $100 bills in an old medicine bag.
The medicine bag was then placed on a foosball table and Gully went to bed.
Gulley said that when he woke up, he noticed Black was still awake, but the medicine bag and cash were missing.
When Gulley confronted Black with the theft, Black reportedly vomited up a baggy containing partially dissolved pills.
“He then asked her where the money was, and she admitted to him she’d wrapped it up and stuck it in her rectum,” Allen stated in his report. “Black admitted (to Allen) to taking the money and medication because Mr. Gulley was going to kick her out and she needed money for a place to live.”
Source and the rest of the story: http://www.timesnews.net/article/9066805/woman-hospitalized-to-remove-stolen-5-000-from-rectum
Filed under Monday morning writing joke
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