Q.: What did the French zombie waiter say to his customers?
A.: “Brain appetite.”
A zombie went to a zombie doctor for his yearly checkup. The doctor asked him what he had been eating lately.
The zombie said, “Writer’s brains.”
The zombie doctor told him to quit before he got “Clogged authories.”
Filed under Monday morning writing joke
Oh, Monday, I feel none of your promise /
and all of the life left to me lies bundled up /
in bed dreaming and believing /
in a Monday yet to be.
Filed under poetry by author
Q.: What is the capital of the United States of Zombies?
A.: Brainerd, Minnesota.
//
Q: What’s the nickname of the United States of Zombies?
A: The Brain Drain.
//
Q.: What do you call a Zombie sink?
A.: A Brain Drain.
Filed under Monday morning writing joke
Q.: What did a zombie engineer say to a non-zombie engineer about an engineering problem he was working on?
A.: “I’ve come to pick your brains.”
Q.: Why was the zombie disappointed with his date with a leggy blond woman?
A.: She was already brainless.
Filed under Monday morning writing joke
First joke writer: I can’t quite come up with a finish for this joke: “You know you’re an older writer when….” and that’s as far as I get.
Second joke writer: “You know you’re an older writer when your wife surprises you with a box of 20-pound bond paper and it excites you in ways you hadn’t thought possible.”
First joke writer: Sounds like that happened to you.
Second joke writer: It did. Then the reality of having to fill all those blank pages sank in and dulled it all.
Filed under Monday morning writing joke
John D. MacDonald
Pulp Serenade: John D. MacDonald on Words and Writing (2).
Recently, I came across an in-depth article on John D. MacDonald from around the time of the movie adaptation of Darker Than Amber. “The man who writes those Travis McGee stories: A look at John D. MacDonald” was written by Mike Baxter and was published in The Washington Post Times Herald on Feb 1, 1970. It was a fairly lengthy article, but below are excerpts of some of the most insightful parts:
[Mickey] Spillane visits [John D.] MacDonald’s home at intervals, and both write mysteries. As craftsmen, however, they are as close as Eldridge Cleaver and Sam Spade. Even Spillane can recognize the gulf. “I am a writer; you are an author,” The Mick once told MacDonald. There is more in that than semantic nonsense.
MacDonald writes on a beige IBM Selectric as if Doom were about to unplug it in the last great denouement…He devotes a business-like seven-to-nine hours a day writing, doing it until the lunch hour, then doing it again until the cocktail hour. Fast subtraction shows that this leaves “too little time, dammit” for other pursuits.
More at: http://www.pulpserenade.com/2011/10/john-d-macdonald-on-words-and-writing-2.html
Filed under John D. MacDonald, writing tip, writing tips
An experienced writer was showing his house to a novice writer when they passed by a door marked “R&D.”
Novice writer: “Wow. I didn’t know you had your own R&D room.”
Experienced writer: “You, too, may have one one day.”
Novice writer: “You mean my own Research and Development room?”
Experienced writer: “No, your own Rejected and Dejected room where your failed manuscripts go.”
“Oh,” the novice writer said, suddenly not quite so excited.
Filed under Monday morning writing joke
Two comedy writers sitting in a diner.
First writer: “I went to see a shrink yesterday for my writer’s block.”
Second writer nods between forkfuls of fried potatoes. “What did she say?”
First writer: “She asked me to spell money backwards.”
Second writer: “Did you?”
First writer nods as he puts his napkin down: “D-e-b-t.”
Filed under Monday morning writing joke
Q.: How many narcissists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A.: One. He holds it up, and the world revolves around him.
Filed under Monday morning writing joke
Simply a-musing
I’m a writer and I don’t get no respect. Not even from my muse.
The other day my muse showed up after leaving me high and dry for months.
He said, “Guess what? To make it up to you I’ll grant you three wishes.”
I said, “Okay, first, I want this novel manuscript to be done. Second, I want it to be a best seller and make lots of money. Third, I want it to be made into a movie and make even more money and fame. Go it?”
My muse nodded.
I waited. Three days. Three weeks. Three months. Three years. It did not happen.
When I finally saw my muse again, I asked why my wishes hadn’t come true.
“But they will,” my muse said, “but first you have to die.”
Filed under Monday morning writing joke, no respect
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