Q.: What do you call five writers marching in a single line through a war zone?
A.: A writers’ column
Filed under Monday morning writing joke
“I’m stuck in Frozen Prison and time keeps draggin’ on.”
Frozen Prison
I hear the sleet a comin’
It’s rollin’ ’round the bend
And I ain’t seen the sunshine
Since, I don’t know when.
I’m stuck in Frozen Prison
And time keeps draggin’ on
But frozen rain keeps a-fallin’.
Oh, when will you be gone?
Why it was just yesterday
The weatherman told me, “Run!
Tomorrow won’t be a good day
And you won’t see the sun.”
But I walked around the town
Because I thought he lied
Now I hear that sleet a-fallin’
and hang my head and cry.
I bet there’s salt trucks rollin’
Up and down streets near and far.
Wrecker drivers drinkin’ coffee
And waitin’ for wrecked cars.
Well, I know it’s now a-comin’
I know it will be a big freeze.
Yet people keep a-movin’
And that’s what frightens me.
I saw the KUB truck rollin’
Easin’ down my street
Lookin’ for those wires
Hangin’ heavy with that sleet.
Well, if they freeze me in this prison
If that freezin’ rain falls fine
I bet it’ll be for days
I’ll have broken power lines.
Far from Frozen Prison
That’s where I want to stay
And I’d let that warmer weather
Blow all that blue away.
But I’m stuck in Frozen Prison
And time keeps draggin’ on.
That frozen rain keeps a-rollin’.
Oh, when will you be gone?
[–with apologies to Johnny Cash. Parody of “Folsom Prison,” which was written and sung by Johnny Cash. Parody by David E. Booker.]
Filed under 2015, absurdity, parody, poetry by author, Random acts of poetry
Q.: What do you call a cab with three writers stuck in traffic while on the way to a writing conference?
A.: Writers blocked.
Filed under Monday morning writing joke
Q.: What do you call a vehicle that seats a mummy, a zombie, a werewolf, and a vampire?
A.: A Monster truck.
Filed under Monday morning writing joke
Charles Dickens walks into a bar.
The bartender says, “What’s wrong, Chuck? You look glum.”
Dickens says, “I’ve got the worst writer’s block I have ever had. I can’t even think of a title for my book.”
Bartender says, “Bummer. Can I get you a drink?”
Dickens: “Yeah. Make it a good stiff martini.”
Bartender: “Okay. Olive or twist?”
Filed under Monday morning writing joke
A zombie and a vampire went out on a date.
Somebody didn’t have the brains to realize the relationship sucked.
Filed under Monday morning writing joke
There once was a writer from Minsk /
who wrote once, but couldn’t write since /
Writers block, he would say, /
chipped his confidence away /
or so that was his pretense.
Filed under Monday morning writing joke, poetry by author
An alien crash lands on earth, wanders into a small town, finds the only house with a novelist in it and knocks on the door.
The novelist answers and after the initial shock of seeing such a strange creature, the creature hands him a note. It reads: “In your language, I have come to invade and conquer.”
The novelist scribbles something on a piece of notebook paper, tears it out, and hands it to the alien: “Why?”
The alien types in something on his keyboard and out prints his response: “Because you are weak and we are strong and this world has many things to offer us.”
“Does that include the asteroid on a collision course toward earth?” the novelist asks.
The alien thinks about that. After a moment, the alien turns and leaves.
The novelist turns back to his writing, knowing nobody would believe him if he put this incident in his novel: an alien with good grammar. Unbelievable. After all, fiction had to be believable.
Filed under Monday morning writing joke
Their three kids, all successful, agreed to a Sunday dinner in their honor.
“Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad,” gushed Son No. 1. “Sorry I’m running late. I had an emergency at the hospital with a patient, you know how it is, and I didn’t have time to get you a gift.”
“Not to worry,” said the father. “Important thing is we’re all together today.”
Son No. 2 arrived. “You and Mom look great, Dad. I just flew in from LA between depositions and didn’t have time to shop for you.”
“It’s nothing,” said the father. “We’re glad you were able to come.”
Just then the daughter arrived. “Hello and happy anniversary! Sorry, but my boss is sending me out of town and I was really busy packing so I didn’t have time to get you anything.”
After they had finished dessert, the father said, “There’s something your mother and I have wanted to tell you for a long time. You see, we were really poor, but we managed to send each of you to college. Through the years your mother and I knew we loved each other very much, but we just never found the time to get married.”
The three children gasped and said, “WHAT? You mean we’re bastards?”
“Yep”, said the father, “Cheap ones too.”
Filed under Monday morning writing joke
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