Tag Archives: LinkedIn

Sign of times: Quality Used Furniture

While the photo is not the clearest it could be, in its own way it may match the hand-painted sign that reads “Quality Used Furniture,” and underneath it are sections of firewood. Could the sign be referring to the birds that once nested in the tree’s branches? To the squirrels, rodents though they may be, that once frolicked about from sturdy limb to sturdy limb as they ventured forth from their squirrel nest? Or is this type of furniture what is meant by rustic or roughing it? Possibly this is a Platonic set of furniture. Furniture glimpsed obliquely and incompletely in its state of perfection.

What do you think it is? Make up your own caption and send it my way. I may list the most interesting ones.

Quality Used Furniture

The sign read: Quality Used Furniture

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Filed under bird, Commentary, furniture, humor, nature, Plato, sign of the times, tree, Uncategorized, word play, words, writing

Are you smarter than…

Pew News IQ quiz here.

Eleven questions. No tricks.

Interesting and simple test. It’s astonishing that so many people got less than half right.

These results say that 80% of the (voting age) public doesn’t have a clue – and that’s pretty scary.

Test your knowledge with 11 questions, then be ready to shudder when you see how others did.

There are age and demographic breakdowns at the end.

No wonder politicians and fear mongers take such advantage, or maybe they are as ill-informed as those they attempt to “inform.” An even more frightening thought.

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I am what I am, and that’s all that I am

# I live in my own little world but it’s OK, everyone knows me here.

# I don’t do drugs ’cause I find I get the same effect just by standing up really fast.

# Money can’t buy happiness but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

# If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the “terminal”?

# I don’t approve of political jokes. I’ve seen too many of them get elected.

# The most precious thing we have is life, yet it has absolutely no trade-in value.

# I am a nobody; nobody is perfect, and therefore I am perfect.

# No one ever says, “It’s only a game!” when their team is winning.

# How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you’re on.

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The Blathering Idiot and Discovery

The blathering idiot went to work for an advanced scientific and technology firm. One day, when he passes the door of a leading scientist of the firm, he found a note tacked to the door.

Upon further examination, he saw it was not a note, but a memo, on official company letterhead, from the legal firm that this company used when discussing patent and invention issue.

In short, the memo said: All discoveries must be registered with this firm before they are discovered. All inventions must be registered with this firm before they are invented. No patents will be issued unless the proper form has been filled out in triplicate and registered with this firm. We must be notified at least six months in advance of any discoveries, inventions, ideas, or potentially patentable issues. Those who fail to follow this memo will be properly punished.

The Blathering Idiot and Discovery

After all, he needed the work.

The blathering idiot then had an idea. He wondered if his idea was a patentable issue he had to register with the firm. But since he already had the idea, it was too late to file it without being violation of the memo. Therefore, he decided from that day forward that he would see no ideas, hear no ideas, and speak no ideas. After all, he needed the work.

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The Blathering Idiot and the Bowl Museum

The blathering idiot was helping Xenia get her breakfast. Xenia was his on again, off again, on again girlfriend’s six-year-old daughter. Why Xenia’s name didn’t begin with a “Z,” like her mother’s – Zelda – the blathering idiot didn’t understand, but he didn’t and it was a school day, so it was a question for another time.

While helping her with breakfast, the blathering idiot thought he would impress Xenia. He found a one-serving box of her favorite cereal, and the box had perforations on one side of the outside that formed an “I.” When he opened the box using the perforations, it instantly turned the box into a bowl.

Dinosaur on the way to the Bowl Museum

Dinosaur on the way to the Bowl Museum

As he poured milk into the disposable bowl, the blathering idiot talked about how when he was a kid, his parents always had these when the family went on long trips, including one to see dinosaurs in a museum.

Xenia looked at the box with the flaps folded back and the cereal floating in milk. Then she looked up at the blathering idiot. “So, this was what you used before they invented bowls?”

The blathering idiot was dumbfounded.

Xenia had a piece of toast for breakfast.

Later that morning, when the blathering idiot was walking Xenia to school, he told her stories about his walking to school, and he often had to do it all by himself and how it was a long walk full of wild animals and dark places and not nearly as easy as it is today.

Xenia nodded, and as they stood outside the front door of the school, she looked up at the blathering idiot and asked, “Did you see many dinosaurs back then?”

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A thought on the computer

“Buying the right computer and getting it to work properly is no more complicated than building a nuclear reactor from wristwatch parts in a darkened room using only your teeth.” —Dave Barry

To learn more about Dave Barry, American writer and humorist, go to Dave Berry’s Official Website

Computers can be a pain to get to work right

Buying the right computer is often a challenge.

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Four Clues to Writing a Mystery

[This is taken from an e-newsletter sent out by the writer Bruce Hale. You can find more information at Bruce Hale Writing Tips.]

When I wrote my first mystery, I had no idea how to do it. I
actually had characters tell my detective riddles that would lead
him to the next thing he needed to discover. To be honest, I had
no clue how to construct a clue.

But after you write a few of these things, you start to see how the
mystery is made. Herewith, four helpful hints on writing a mystery:

1. Play fair with the reader
Mystery readers hope that you’ll surprise them, but that surprise
must be a fair one. You can’t tease readers with three suspects
throughout your story, and then suddenly reveal that a character
they’ve never met is responsible. That’s not playing fair.

A Typewriter

Don't forget the unwritten rule: write!

Many mystery readers try to figure things out as they go along. To
play fair with these people, you need to plant a clue or two that
points toward your real culprit. Make it subtle, a throwaway line
perhaps, but make sure it’s there.

2. Keep your reader’s age in mind
Obviously, the mystery in a Cam Jansen chapter book is going to be
just a tad simpler than that in a Raymond Chandler tale. You want
to keep your reader guessing, but you don’t want things to be so
convoluted that he or she gets completely lost — especially in a
children’s book.

Your story should be just a little trickier than readers think they
can handle. If you have any doubts, ask a reader in your target
age range to take a look at the story. If your story leaves her
completely clueless, it’s time to simplify.

3. Merrily misdirect
One of the keys to successful mystery writing is misdirection.
Your readers should suspect every possible culprit but the real
one.

How do you do this? Make your clues point strongly toward one
character, then show that he’s innocent. Make your suspects take
actions that can have two interpretations, and let the reader and
detective erroneously assume the worst.

4. Write from the ending
Most mystery writers I talk with say that they figure out the
ending first — what’s the crime, who’s the culprit, why’d they do
it? — before plotting the rest of the book. Once you’ve got that
sorted out, it’s a matter of concealing it.

You’ll want your detective to take a circuitous route, often
running into brick walls. You’ll want her to think she’s got it
all solved, only to have the rug pulled out from under her.

Mysteries are all about the progressive unraveling of the unknown.
But it’s the *way* you unravel it — using misdirection, considering
your reader, and playing fair — that makes for a satisfying read.

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Writing Quote for the Day

“Don’t get it right, just get it written.” —James Thurber

And if you don’t know who James Thurber is, I suggest starting here: The Thurber House.

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Humor and the art of capitalization

In this world of hi-tech, I have noticed that many who text message and email, have forgotten the “art” of capitalization. Those of you who fall into this world, please take note of the following statement.

I cannot stress enough that capitalization is important.

Capitalization is the difference between…
… helping your Uncle Jack off a horse.
or
… helping your uncle jack off a horse.

End of lesson

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The Blathering Idiot and the Call of Nature

The blathering idiot and his girl friend, Zelda, decided that the first day of Spring was the perfect time to go out into Nature, to experience the Wilds. Except, it was not as easy as either one of them would like. As the blathering idiot found out, Zelda was allergic to rag weed, tree pollen, broad-leaf grasses, and short-leafed flowers just to name a few of the offending items. The blathering idiot, too, was finding he had allergies to many wild animals with fur or feathers or scales, as well as a strong allergic reaction to poison ivy.

They had both also heard of the smog alert creeping up even into the mountains, the need for more sunscreen due to increased global warming, and the invasion of fire ants and even killer African Bees.

At first, the blathering idiot didn’t know what to do. And after a while, it was beginning to look more and more like the trip into Mother Nature wasn’t going to happen. Then the blathering idiot had an idea. It took him a while to fashion on the pieces of the idea into one final whole, but when he was done, both he and Zelda agreed that it was the only way they could both get out into Nature.

Blathering Idiot and the Call of Nature

"Honey, isn't Nature wonderful?! We really should get outside more often."


His only regret was that he drank too much water before going out into Nature and he hadn’t put a convenience zipper in the front of his.

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