There once was a woman named Liberty
who had a tough time in Puberty.
Her friends said, “Slow down.
You don’t have to go to town.
The men will find you, indubitably.”
[Editor’s note: Yeah, I took a little “liberty” with the notion of Liberty, but maybe you’ll find it fun if not enlightening. Happy July 4th. Be safe.]
Filed under liberty, limerick, poetry by author, political humor
Spent yesterday preparing a short story, a novella, and three poems for writing contests. Deadline for entry was midnight. I had the last of them turned in by 9 PM. Now it is up to the judges, the skill of the writing, some luck, and whether or not I scared off enough other potential entrants. Yes, I am kidding about the last part. I have no idea who else entered. I wanted to enter a non-fiction writing contest, but did not have my entry ready in time. Oh, well, maybe another time.
So, here is a bit of silliness for a Sunday morning (at least morning where I am right now), a limerick inspired by someone who suggested they should be naughty.
There once was a woman from Port Townsend
who traveled quite far and came home again.
Now by day she styles hair
and by night styles with care
words about her “new” life with family and friends.
I know, it’s not naughty. Maybe the next one.
Filed under limerick, poetry by author, Sunday silliness, Workshop weekend
There once was a man named Zuckerberg
for whom listening to people seemed quite absurd.
So he took the word “face”
stuck it out in virtual space
and added “book,” because he was such a nerd.
Filed under limerick, poem, poetry by author
Sometimes it’s not the elephant in the middle of the room that’s the problem, it’s what the elephant has in his trunk.
There once was an elephant from Nantucket
whose trunk was so long he could suck it.
With full force it went in,
bending time and again.
Until election day, he’s just stuck with it.
Filed under cartoon by author, limerick, poetry by author, political humor
There once was a woman from Knoxville. /
Who couldn’t quite get her pot full /
Of coffee, she’d say, /
“There’s not enough today. /
And that makes my way just awful.”
For Kristina, who inspired this full pot of silliness; and for my daughter, who posed with a coffee pot to give me an idea of how to do this.
Filed under cartoon by author, limerick, poem, poetry
There now is a man named Santa
who lives somewhere north of Atlanta.
He’s in a tub today;
soon will be coming your way —
so don’t take being good for grant-ah.
There once was a man with waders
Who thought he might find him some gators
down at his creek,
where the trash did seep
left often by unkind invaders.
Man trying on waders, getting ready for First Creek Greenway Cleanup, Saturday, September 24th, 9 AM to noon,
It was Saturday, September 24th
when the man and his friends set a course.
from nine until noon
and not a moment too soon
to put an end to this trashy discourse.
So come to First Creek and discover
“treasures” left by some unkind others:
shopping carts and flat tires,
pay phones, couches, and wires
and stuff that the creek tries to smother.
Bring tools and gloves for your hands;
pick up trash for as long as you can.
Once done, we will eat
Magpies cupcakes, Three Rivers treats
and be glad we helped the creek and the land.
Magpies cupcakes and Three Rivers Market treats will be served up after the cleanup.
Filed under cleanup, creek, First Creek, fun, Greenway, humor, limerick, Magpies, Old North Knoxville, poem, poetry, story poem, Three Rivers Market, trash, waders, water, word play, words, writing
Killer Nashville badge
Two pieces of advice, one I have said before: Practice the pitch and make it as natural as you can. Two: Think of a pitch as a spoken version of the back-cover blurb you read on many paperback books.
The Painted Beast
Ex-cop Stephen York was once a hero. Decorated and lionized from uncovering corruption in the police department and bringing down a criminal enterprise, he now works two or three menial jobs in order to hold body and soul together, not only for himself but also his thirteen-year-old step-daughter and eight-year-old daughter. One night his ex-wife, who has escaped from prison, returns home and terrorizes him. He escapes from her and she from him, but shortly thereafter she kidnaps their daughters. In order to save them, Stephen has to kill her, which puts him under suspicion for murder and under the thumb of a police detective who has personal as well as professional reasons for wanting to grind Stephen down further. In addition, his step-daughter’s biological father steps forward to kidnap her with the intention of leading her into a life of child pornography and prostitution in order to get money to help re-establish the criminal empire that Stephen had helped take down. This time, in order to save his step-daughter, Stephen, who has not been a particularly good father, has to offer his life in order to save his step-daughter’s. In so doing, he learns another definition of hero. At its core this novel’s theme asks and answers the question: Can a fallen hero be a hero again?
Limerick version:
There once was an ex-cop who did poorly
At being a father and what’s more he
Killed his ex-wife,
Then offered up his life
To save his daughter from a life in pornography.
***
A Small Resurrection
Is believing in what you see the same thing as seeing what you believe in?
Knoxville, Tennessee, is the last place T. Xavier Gabriel wants to be. But the director of the 8th highest grossing film in Hollywood has come to town to ask his ex-wife for forbearance in paying the large alimony and possibly also for a loan to help restart his fallen career. She, however, has other plans. She wants him to
Use conversational voice when talking about your novel
Limerick version:
There once was a director named Gabriel
Whose life was a broken down fable
Then along came Rod Serling
And an offer so sterling
That it could save Gabe if he was able.
Two final notes:
1) The limerick versions were not something I pitched, though I thought about it. It was my way of have a pitch that could be done in 15 seconds or less.
2) Some pitch advice says you need to have antecedents as part of your pitch. Antecedents are novels that are like yours. Something similar to your novel. This is supposed to show that you know about your novel’s market and where it might fit. While I had that prepared for The Painted Beast, it did not seem to be something those I pitched to at Killer Nashville were interested in. That could have been a mistake on my part. But I had the feeling that these agents wanted to be the ones to decide where it belongs.
There once was an ex-cop who did poorly
At being a father and what’s more he
Killed his ex-wife
But then offered up his life
To save his daughter from a life in pornography.
[Editor’s note: this is a distillation of my novel The Painted Beast into a short limerick form. It does not capture all the twists and turns of the novel, but if I had to describe at least one main feature of it in 50 words or less, this would probably do.]
But at night in that big ol’ house,
When everybody’s in bed, even a mouse,
The portmanteau will open,
As if magic words were spoken,
And out will waltz a little girl to Strauss.
#The End#
Filed under characters, hero, humor, limerick, poem, poetry, portmanteau, Random Access Thoughts, story poem, words, writing
Booker's Blog 