Tag Archives: left behind

“No popcorn, no pets”

No popcorn, no pets

No popcorn, no pets,

No baseball, no regrets,

Rapture to heaven

Is no Seven / Eleven.

No Slushies, no Mars bars,

No pizza, no beer bars.

In heaven, the best

Beat their bloody chests

And sing hosanna

At the absence of fauna.

Nothing to make you sneeze

As you fall to your knees.

Fluffy’s on Earth

About to give birth

And if you want us to care,

Put your money there

On the web site line,

So Fluffy will be fine.

When to heaven you go

But your pets are a no-no,

We will watch them with love

While you’re in heaven above.

We atheists who remain

Or Hindus or Jaynes,

Or Jews or Buddhists

Or even the occasional nudist,

We will take care of your pets

So you’ll have no regrets,

No guilt on your soul,

Because you will know

Your Fuffy is fine

As long as your dimes shine.

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Filed under 2022, humor, poem, poetry, Poetry by David E. Booker, satire, Saturday, Silly Saturday

The blathering idiot has questions

Door is a jar

How can a door be a jar?

Just the other day, the blathering idiot had some time to kill, though he wasn’t sure it was alive to begin with, and while pondering the philosophical depths of life, came across questions for which he could not find answers. Below are a few of them.

How can a door be ajar?

How come left behind means you’ve lost it, but right behind means it is still with you?

How come you can be told to sit down and shut up, but never sit up and shut down?

How come you can give a nod, but never take one?

How come when you are taking a bow, you are giving it to somebody else?

How come a house warming doesn’t involve starting a fire?

How come you can give somebody the shirt off your back, but you have to beat the pants off him?

How come politicians run for office, but stand for re-election?

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Filed under absurdity, blathering idiot, Cartoon, humor, satire