A Brit, American, Korean, Frenchman, Australian, German, Israeli, Saudi, Malaysian, Columbian, and Japanese walk into an elegant bar for a drink.
“Sorry,” says the bartender. “I can’t serve you without a Thai.”
Tag Archives: joke
Monday morning writing joke: Hot spot
Not exactly the hot spot I had in mind.
I’m a writer and I don’t get no respect. Just the other day my mother came over for a visit. She’s a religious woman of sorts. She said she had something that she thought would help me write. She asked if she could hang it in my office. I thought maybe it was a poster with some writing quotes on it. I said okay. She hung it and then left.
When I entered the office, I found the item. It was a plaque. It read: “You are cordially invited to the theological place of eternal punishment.”
Below that she had placed a sticky note that read: “Love, Mom.”
Filed under cartoon by author, Monday morning writing joke, no respect
Monday morning writing joke: I’m a writer and I don’t get no respect
Nothing in the vows says to have and to hold until imagination does you part.
My wife told me I had to stop writing. She said I was having more fun with my imaginary friends than I was with her. I said, So? Big mistake. Big mistake. I forgot what a wallup a real person packs. My oral surgeon said one or two more surgeries and I’ll be almost as good as new. I’ll only have to take the dentures out once a day.
Monday morning writing joke: Re-view
Have you heard about the two literary agents who saw one of their writers on the other side of the street?
One of them said, “There’s the b@$t@^d who gets 75% of our earnings.”
[Comment: Sometimes life’s a matter of how you view things.]
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Monday morning writing joke: The best laid lines
The Queen was touring a Scottish hospital. She approached the bed of a patient who shouted out: “Fair fa’ your honest, sonsie face, Great chieftain o’ the pudding-race!”
Another patient staggered up to her and sang “Should auld acquaintance be forgot.”
Turning to a doctor she asked if she was in a ward for mental patients.
“No ma’am,” he said. “This is the Burns Unit.”
[Editor’s note: look up the works of Scottish poet Robert Burns if you have trouble getting this pun. But, hey, it’s the closest joke I have that is in any way related to writing and the Olympics, which used to have poetry competition as an event. Sadly, no more. Not in the modern Olympics, which I like could use a little literary lift.]
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Monday morning writing joke: Let there be light
Q.: How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?
A.: Two – one to do most of the turning and the other to give it a final twist at the end.
The mystery began in the most unlikely of places, and it was a shock to hear about.
[Editor’s note: Okay, so this one is a riddle. What would you expect for a mystery?]
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Monday morning writing joke: Lion about
When writing, the main thing is to not let the lion cramp your style.
A hungry lion was roaming through the jungle looking for something to eat. He came across two men. One was sitting under a tree reading a book; the other was typing away on his typewriter. The lion quickly pounced on the man reading the book and devoured him. Even the king of the jungle knows that readers digest and writers cramp.
Filed under Cartoon, cartoon by author, Monday morning writing joke
Monday morning writing joke: interesting characters
Q. Where does a writer find interesting characters at the breakfast table?
A. In a cereal novel.
Just make sure it is a whole grain cereal, so you get well-rounded interesting characters.
Filed under Monday morning writing joke, writing humor
Monday morning writing joke: My agent
A screenwriter comes home to a burned down house. His sobbing and slightly-charred wife is standing outside. “What happened, honey?” the man asks.
“Oh, John, it was terrible,” she weeps. “I was cooking, the phone rang. It was your agent. Because I was on the phone, I didn’t notice the cooker was on fire. It went up in seconds. Everything is gone. I nearly didn’t make it out of the house. Poor Moggie is…”
“Wait, wait. Back up a minute,” the man says. “My agent called?”
Filed under joke, Monday morning writing joke, writing humor
Monday morning writing joke: The double negative
A linguistics professor was lecturing to his English class one day. “In English,” he said, “a double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative.”
A voice from the back of the room piped up, “Yeah, right.”
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A little writing humor on the day that often feels a bit like a double negative.
Filed under Monday morning writing joke, writing humor
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