Diapers
There many be some truth to this.
We will (with apologies to Shakespeare) call this: What’s in a name?
Query: Does anyone know why disposable baby diapers are called Luvs & Huggies, while old people diapers are called Depends?
Hypothesis: Cause if a baby poops in his(her) pants, you are still gonna Luv’em & Hug’em. But if an old person poops in his(her) pants, your love might Depend on if you are still in the will.
Filed under Monday morning writing humor
Q.: How may political speech writers does it take to change a light bulb?
A.: 28
Two to write a position paper on changing the light bulb.
Three to write the speech encouraging the American public to change the light bulb.
Four to write the bill that will get sent to Congress proposing new light bulb legislation.
Five to write the speeches explaining why the light bulb should be changed and why now the country needs big light bulb change.
Six to write the rebuttals from the United Light Bulb Coalition as to why the light bulb shouldn’t be changed.
And four to write the brief comments the President will make after signing the Light Restoration and Rectifying Act.
Filed under joke by author, Monday morning writing joke
Q.: How many screenwriters does it take to change a light bulb?
A.: Ten.
1st draft: Hero changes light bulb.
2nd draft: Villain changes light bulb.
3rd draft: Hero stops villain from changing light bulb. Villain falls to death.
4th draft: Lose the light bulb.
5th draft: Light bulb back in. Fluorescent instead of tungsten.
6th draft: Villain breaks bulb, uses it to kill hero’s mentor.
7th draft: Fluorescent not working. Back to tungsten.
8th draft: Hero forces villain to eat light bulb.
9th draft: Hero laments loss of light bulb. Doesn’t change it.
10th draft: Hero changes light bulb.
Filed under Monday morning writing joke
In the hedge lay adventure.
Robbie said, “Ain’t so.”
“Is too,” Ray said back.
Robbie and Ray were each six years old. Robbie was a few months older, and on occasions like this, he like to remind Ray of that. They just weren’t sure what this occasion was. Still, Robbie was asserting his role as elder statesman to tell Ray he was wrong.
“It’s like Nose legend.,” Ray said “You know, that great fight called Rag in a rock.”
“This got nothin’ to do with that,” Robbie said. “Ain’t nothin’ more than a strange cut in the hedge for that box.”
“It’s a portal, I tell you. And those Nose gods will come pourin’ through it to do battle with them frost giants and there will be an army of Gideon.”
“Who’s that?” Robbie asked.
Ray shrugged. “Some guy who can pour armies.”
“Ain’t no army goin’ to come pourin’ out of that hole in the hedge. It don’t even go all the way through.”
“It’s still a portal,” Ray said, “and if you go and sit in it for six hours, you will see it: happening. I dare ya’. I double dog dare ya!”
Not one to turn down a double dog dare, Robbie snuck up on the rectangular. And to show he wasn’t scared at all, he climbed into the hole in the fence. He tried several different poses and a few words he wasn’t supposed to.
After thirty minutes, Robbie fell asleep in the portal. After another ten minutes had passed, Ray left and walked back to the family picnic where he immediately ate his ice cream allotment and Robbie’s, too.
Filed under humor, Photo by author, Story by author
Q.: How many screenwriters does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A.: Why does it have to be changed?
Filed under Monday morning writing joke
Q.: How many cover blurb writers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A.: A VAST AND TEEMING HORDE STRETCHING FROM SEA TO SHINING SEA!!!!
Filed under Monday morning writing joke
Q.: Did you hear the story about the pregnant woman writer who went into labor during deadline and began screaming, “Couldn’t! Wouldn’t! Shouldn’t! Didn’t! Can’t!”?
A.: She was having contractions.
Filed under Monday morning writing joke
Q.: How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?
A.: Two. One to screw the bulb almost all the way in, and one to give a surprising twist at the end.
Filed under Monday morning writing joke
How many science fiction writers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two, but it’s actually the same person doing it. He went back in time and met himself in the doorway and then the first one sat on the other one’s shoulders so that they were able to reach it.
However, a major time paradox occurred and the entire room, light bulb, changer and all was blown out of existence.
Moral of this joke: don’t screw around with time.
Filed under Monday morning writing joke
A male romance novelist was hiking in the mountains, and he came upon a shepherd who was tending a large herd of sheep that were grazing in the alpine meadow. The writer took a fancy to the sheep, and asked the shepherd: “If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I have one?”
The shepherd thought this was an odd request, but thought that there was little chance that the man would guess the exact number of sheep, so he said, “Sure.”
The writer guessed, “You have 297 sheep.”
The shepherd was astonished, since this was exactly how many sheep he had.
The writer got excited and asked, “Can I pick out my sheep now?”
The shepherd grudgingly gave his permission. The writer selected his sheep, bent over, and swung the sheep over his shoulders, to carry home with him.
The shepherd then asked, “If I guess what your occupation is, can I have my sheep back?”
The novelist was a bit surprised by this, but figured that it was unlikely that the shepherd would be able to guess his occupation, and went along with the deal.
The shepherd then guessed “You’re a romance novelist, aren’t you?”
The writer was very surprised and asked, “How did you know?”
The shepherd responded, “Just put the dog down and we’ll talk about it.”
Filed under Monday morning writing joke
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