Q: Where do zombie kids begin their education.
A.: In Head Start.
///
Q.: What’s a zombie’s goal in education?
A.: To get to the head of the class.
Tag Archives: joke
Monday morning writing joke: “hard work”
Q.: What did the hard-working zombie writer named Kate call herself?
A.: Dead-i-Kate
Filed under Monday morning writing joke
Monday morning writing joke: “programming language”
The programmer’s wife tells him: “Run to the store and pick up a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, get a dozen.”
The programmer comes home with 12 loaves of bread.
Filed under Monday morning writing joke
Monday morning writing joke: “literally”
It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally.
Filed under Monday morning writing humor
Monday morning writing joke: “Dreams”
Three writers are sitting at a bar. It’s the first time they’ve met.
After a drink or two, the first writer turns to the others at the bar and says, “I had a strange dream last night.”
The second writer asked, “How strange was it?”
“Well, the first writer says, “I dreamed I went to Hell and a lot of famous writers were there. You know, Mark Twain, Dorothy Parker, Albert Camus.”
“Really,” says the second writer. “I dreamed I went to Heaven and a lot of famous writers were there. You know, C.S. Lewis, G.K. Chesterton, John Bunyan.”
When he didn’t say anything, they asked the third writer, who said, “I dreamed I was in a bar with two other writers.”
The next night the three writers met again at the bar.
The first writer said, “I dreamed I was in Heaven, and I saw all those writers you mentioned.”
The second writer said, “I dreamed I was in Hell, and I saw all those writers you mentioned.”
Then they turned to the third writer sitting between them. He took a sip of his drink and shrugged his shoulder, “I dreamed I was in a bar with two other writers.”
After another drink, they started talking about their work.
“I’m a crime writer,” said the first writer.
“I’m a romance writer,” said the second writer.
They then turned to third writer who sighed and said, “I’m a travel writer.”
Filed under Monday morning writing joke
Monday (morning) writing joke: “Enlightenment”
“Outside a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside a dog, it’s too dark to read.” –Groucho Marx
Groucho Marx
Filed under Monday morning writing joke
Monday morning writing joke: “Bark worse than his trick”
Q.: What do you call a dog that does magic tricks?
A.: Labracadabrador.
Filed under Monday morning writing joke
Monday morning writing joke: “An Irish priest in Texas”
An Irish priest was transferred to Texas.
Father O’Malley rose from his bed one morning. It was a fine spring day in his new west Texas mission parish.
He walked to the window of his bedroom to get a deep breath of the beautiful day outside.
He then noticed there was a jackass lying dead in the middle of his front lawn. He promptly called the local police station.
The conversation went like this: “Good morning. This is Sergeant Jones. How might I help you?”
“And the best of the day te yerself. This is Father O’Malley at St. Ann ‘s Catholic Church. There’s a jackass lying dead in me front lawn and would ye be so kind as to send a couple o’yer lads to take care of the matter?”
Sergeant Jones, considering himself quite a wit and recognizing the foreign accent, thought he would have a little fun with the good father, replied, “Well now Father, it was always my impression that you people took care of the last rites!”
There was dead silence on the line for a long moment. …
Father O’Malley then replied: “Aye, ’tis certainly true; but we are also obliged to notify the next of kin first, which is the reason for me call.”
Filed under Monday morning writing joke
Monday morning writing joke: “Zombies, part 4”
Q.: What type of humor does a zombie like?
A.: Deadpan.
///
Q.: What trick does a zombie teach to his dog?
A.: Play dead.
///
Q.: Why did the zombie start eating beef?
A.: He thought the label said “Brain fed.”
///
Q.: What do you call a zombie with dementia?
A.: A zombie.
Filed under Monday morning writing joke
Monday morning writing joke: “In a jamb”
The house is alarmed.
The window is startled.
And the floor is somewhat taken aback.
All because…
…the door is ajar.
Filed under Monday morning writing joke
Booker's Blog 