Three creationists accidentally walked into a tar pit last night. In 6.000 years nobody will care.
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Three lawyers accidentally walked into a tar pit last night. They felt right at home.
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Three lobbyists walked into a bar last night. The politicians were waiting.
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Two, three, then four writers walked into a bar last night. Some say it was a comma occurrence.
Filed under 2015, Monday morning writing joke
Two scriptwriters were sitting in a bar in holiday talking about their latest series pitches to studio executives.
First writer: “I pitched the story that was the retelling of the big fish. In this case, the fish was so huge he was about the swallow the entire Earth. And the only thing in between him and his goal is a female nephrologist.”
Second writer: “Why a nephrologist?”
First writer: “Ever seen a series with a nephrology doctor in the lead?”
Second writer: “No.”
First writer: “See, that would make it different. Unique. Besides, my girl friend is a nephrologist–”
Second writer: “And you’re trying to impress her.”
First writer: “You got that right.”
Second writer: “What did the executive say?”
First writer: “‘You got to be kidney-ing me.'”
Filed under 2015, Monday morning writing joke
Q: What did the vampire say to his female plastic surgeon?
A: “I just want a little nibble and suck.”
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Man in a dark suit walks into a bar and orders a Bloody Mary.
The bartender refuses to serve him.
Another fellow at the bar calls the bartender over and asks him, “You make Bloody Marys here. Why won’t you serve him one?”
The bartender says: “He’s a real vampire and he wants a real Bloody Mary. I’m already down two waitresses this week. I can’t afford to lose another. Besides, he doesn’t tip all that well.”
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A cactus and a vampire walk into a bar. Then in walks a woman with blood stains on her clothes. She looks over at the two of them and can’t decide who’s the bigger pricker of her.
Filed under 2015, Monday morning writing joke
Q. What are a lazy writer’s favorite type of shoes?
A. Loafers.
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Q. What are a poor, lazy writer’s type of shoes?
A. Penny loafers.
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Q. Where do struggling writers get their feet coverings?
A. On the sock exchange.
Filed under 2015, Monday morning writing joke
Zombie Neighborhood Watch sign: “Take a bite out of crime. Eat the perpetrator.”
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Q. What sort of work does a zombie like?
A. Piecemeal.
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Q. What do you call the headmaster at a zombie school?
A. The headmaster.
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Filed under 2015, Monday morning writing joke
There once was a writer of fright /
who could make her readers stay up all night./
With a stroke and boo, /
boy, she could do it to you, too. /
Oh, for such chills and delights!
Filed under 2015, Monday morning writing joke, poetry by author
There once was a man of erudition /
who took to writing science fiction. /
His thoughts were transcendent, /
his paragraphs perfectly indented, /
but still something got lost in transmission.
Filed under 2015, Monday morning writing joke
There once was a writer of erotica /
whose own life was not a like a lot of ya. /
She would write it all day /
but come time to go play /
she couldn’t quite “bare” the thought of ya.
Filed under 2015, Monday morning writing joke
There once was a writer from town /
who met every blank sheet with a frown. /
That it is why it is said /
he never went to bed /
and slept on his couch face down.
Filed under 2015, Monday morning writing joke, poetry by author
There once was a writer from Spokane /
who did his best output in the can. /
Flushed with success, /
he created such a mess /
and ruined his one and only fan.
[Editor’s note: writing joke in the form of a limerick. It might not be the last one as April is Poetry Month. You have been warned.]
Filed under 2015, Monday morning writing joke, poetry by author
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