What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
***
Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says “Dam!”
Tag Archives: joke
Monday morning writing joke: “Add vice”
There once was a woman of advice /
Whose words calmed others’ toil and strife. /
Then one day on a dare /
She found her husband having an affair. /
Now, she’s doing twenty to life.
***
A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named “Ahmal.” The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him “Juan.” Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, “They’re twins! If you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Ahmal.”
Filed under 2015, Monday morning writing joke, poetry by author
Monday morning writing joke: “Musical interlude”
Patient: “Doc, I can’t stop singing ‘The Green, Green Grass of Home.'”
Doctor: “That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome.”
Patient: “Is it common?”
Doctor: “Well, ‘It’s Not Unusual.'”
Filed under 2015, Monday morning writing joke
Monday morning writing joke: “Slow go”
There once was a writer from Glasgow /
Whose writing was always a slow go. /
When turtles would mate /
He could write and relate; /
But for meeting deadlines he was always a no-show.
***
There was a writer who sent twenty different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least ten of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did?!
Filed under 2015, Monday morning writing joke, poetry by author
Monday morning writing joke: “Pseudonym”
There once was a party writer from Beijing /
Who couldn’t get published one thing. /
So, he took an American name /
And tried publishing all the same: /
Suddenly his words had a following.
***
Two cannibals are eating a comedy writer. One says to the other: “Does this taste funny to you?”
The other says: “No, and it doesn’t even taste like chicken.”
Filed under 2015, Monday morning writing joke, poetry by author
Monday morning writing joke: “Mingle”
There once was a woman from Paris /
Who fell in love with an American named Harris. /
Their love life was bilingual /
But their sports lives wouldn’t mingle: /
For each, football broke up their wedded bliss.
***
Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Minnie says to Moo, “I was artificially inseminated this morning.”
“I don’t believe you,” says Moo.
“It’s true, no bull!” exclaims Minnie.
Filed under 2015, Monday morning writing joke, poetry by author
Monday morning writing joke: “Sanity”
There once was a writer from France /
who worked too hard to have her chance. /
Living down by the Seine /
Her friends thought her deranged, /
when insane across the Seine she did dance.
***
A writer walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says, “A beer please, and one for the road.”
Filed under 2015, Monday morning writing joke, poetry by author
Monday morning writing joke: “Boast”
There once was a gossip columnist extraordinaire /
Who told stories that weren’t even there. /
If you called him a liar /
He’d only pile it on higher, /
Because he had a few lies to spare.
***
A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. “But why,” they asked, as they moved. “Because,” he said, “I can’t stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer.”
Filed under 2015, Monday morning writing joke, poetry by author
Monday morning writing joke: “Scatology”
There once was a writer from Cincinnati /
whose prose was laced with profanity. /
Damn, shit, hell /
often started the tales he’d tell. /
Mom never let me reach their finality.
***
A wise person once said:
We all love to spend money buying new clothes but we never realize that the best moments in life are enjoyed without clothes.
Filed under 2015, Monday morning writing joke, poetry by author
Monday morning writing joke: “By the book”
Two writers were sitting in the corner of a library arguing over words. One of the writers was named Dick, the other one Nathan, though most people called him Nary.
After being shushed a few times, the library lost her composure and yelled, “Dick and Nary, shut up or I throw the book at you.”
“Bridge or unabridged?” Nary asked.
Word has it that nary a moment passed before Nary knew not what hit him. And though Dick escaped unharmed, Dick or Nary was never found at that library again.
Filed under 2015, Monday morning writing joke
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