There once was a prophet who walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also was a mendicant, so he ate very little, only what he could beg, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. One day he was found unconscious, breathing rapidly, and was taken to the local hospital. When asked what his name was, nobody knew. When asked what was wrong with him, nobody was sure. After a quick exam, the doctors decided he was a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
Tag Archives: joke
Monday morning writing joke: “Anticipation”
Once upon a time a wannabe novelist finds a magic lantern. He rubs it and a genie appears. He had heard about the writer who asked to be a bestseller and that genie turned that writer into a book, so he thought he should try a different tack.
Instead, he asks his genie to speak to a bestselling fiction writer.
“It will take all three of your wishes to summon a person for you to talk to. If I do that, you will only get to ask this writer three questions.”
The wannabe writer sighs and nods his head. The genie waves his arms and the bestselling novelist appears.
The wannabe writer thinks for a moment, then asks: “What does it take to write a bestseller?”
The fiction writer says, “A novel, usually.”
The wannabe writer considers objecting, but sees the sharp look in the genie’s eyes and decides to move on to his next question. This time he tries to be clever, just like the novelist, and hopes to catch the novelist off-guard. “Okay, what was novel about your fiction writing?”
“That I wrote it,” said the novelist.
Frustrated, the wannabe writer tries to think up one question that will help him. Finally, he asks: “How long should a bestseller be?”
“Long enough,” the writer says, and then disappears.
Filed under 2015, Monday morning writing joke
Monday morning writing joke: “Pocket change”
One day, a very old man walking in an enchanted forest comes across a talking frog.
“Hey, kind sir,” the frog says. “If you pick me up and kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful princess.”
The old man thinks about it for a minute, picks up the frog and puts it in his shirt pocket.
A little while later, the frog calls out, “Hey, mister, why don’t you kiss me. Don’t you want a beautiful princess to please you?”
“No,” the old man says. “At my age, I’d rather have a talking frog.”
Filed under 2015, Monday morning writing joke
Monday morning writing joke: “Typo”
There once was a writer whose Christmas /
Was not going too well with the misses. /
He had written a quick ditty /
About how she was still pretty /
But had used the name of his mistress.
Filed under 2015, Monday morning writing joke, poetry by author
Monday morning writing joke: “Down for the count”
There once was a writer from down under
Whose editor rent all his things asunder.
Passive verbs and weak nouns
Were found all over the ground
And woe be to each adverbial blunder.
***
A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, “Doctor, doctor, I can’t feel my legs!”
The doctor replied, “I know you can’t; I’ve cut off your arms!”
Filed under 2015, Monday morning writing joke, poetry by author
Monday morning writing joke: “Carving up the profits”
A turkey and a writer walked into a local bar.
The turkey thought the writer could make him a flying star.
“I’ll tell you my life story and then you’ll write it down.
“And we’ll split all the profits when a publisher is found.”
The writer had heard such talk and promises before,
But with his feathers spread, the turkey was too big to ignore.
Getting to the heart of the matter.
The writer reached into his tattered pocket and drew out his carving knife.
What happen next to the turkey, we’re not sure we can ever tell
Only that the poor writer liked the bird, but only medium well.
Now, let this be a lesson about where the writer will start.
The pen may be mightier than the sword, but the knife can cut to the heart.
–by David E. Booker
Filed under 2015, Holidays, Monday morning writing joke, poetry by author
Monday morning writing joke: “Juggling”
There once was a struggling writer in town /
Who made ends meet by being a clown. /
He could be quite the performer, /
Juggling balls on the street corner. /
But in his stories the balls always dragged the ground.
***
I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn’t find any.
Filed under 2015, Monday morning writing joke, poetry by author
Monday morning writing joke: “Keeping afloat”
Two travel writers sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.
Filed under 2015, Monday morning writing joke
Monday morning writing joke: “Remainders of the Day”
There once was a writer in bookstore /
Who could not find his books anymore. /
When he inquired about his place, /
They said, “Limited shelf space.” /
And pointed to remainders outside the door.
***
Deja Moo: The feeling that you’ve heard this bull before
Filed under 2015, Monday morning writing joke, poetry by author
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