There once was a writer of romance. /
Who often had her characters de-pants. /
Some said she oughta /
Instead be writing erotica. /
Her knights were always using the wrong lance.
Tag Archives: joke
Monday morning writing joke: “Pointed”
Filed under 2017, Monday morning writing joke, poetry by author
Dueling puns, part 8: “victim”
Two writers who didn’t like each other met in a bar, as such writers often do. Each claimed it was his favorite bar and each claimed he had found it first. After several months of glowering at each other and bad mouthing each other, they agree to settle the matter with a duel of puns.
Since the short writer won the seventh round, the tall writer was allowed to go first for round eight. A set of cards was placed on the table between them, face down. On each card was a subject. The tall writer flipped the card over and the subject was “victim.”
Props were allowed, and for each turn, each writer could make one phone call.
Each writer had to say his pun and the audience would get to pick which one they preferred. The bartender, a waiter, and a waitress would be the judges as to who got the loudest groan.
After thinking a moment, the tall writer asked for a cup of coffee. It took a moment, but when it arrived, he gripped the handle and held it up. “Coffee is the silent victim our house. It gets mugged every day.”
This immediately drew a long moan from the crowd, then a few laughs.
“Until you multiply yourselves times the speed of light squared. Then you be energy.”
The short writer waited until things were quiet, then he said, “Two egotists started fighting. It was an I for an I.”
The crowd hesitated, then groaned, twice, and somebody laughed.
It was close, but round eight went to the tall writer. The short writer now had 3 wins, 3 losses, and 2 ties.” The tall writer also had 3 wins, 3 losses, and 2 ties.
Filed under 2017, Monday morning writing joke
Monday morning writing joke: “Right”
Three writers walk into a bar. A little later, only two walk out.
“Hey,” said a friend who saw the two writers on the street, “where’s your friend?”
“We left him at the bar,” the first writer said
“Why’s that?”
“Because it was the write thing to do,” the second writer said.
Filed under 2017, Monday morning writing joke
Monday morning writing joke: “Pause, to consider”
“Let’s eat Grandma!”
“Let’s eat, Grandma!”
Commas save lives.
Filed under 2017, Monday morning writing joke
Monday morning writing joke: “Sure sign”
First writer: “I just finished up at a drug rehab center.”
Second writer: “How was it?”
First writer: “It was okay, except for the nagging signs they placed outside.”
Second writer: “Signs? What did they say?”
First writer, taking a puff: “They said: ‘Keep off the grass.’ And I wasn’t even smoking it at the time.”
Filed under 2017, Monday morning writing joke
Monday morning writing joke: “The hand dealt”
A writer bursts into a psychiatrist’s office and says, “Doctor, I believe I am a deck of cards!”
The psychiatrist says, “Sit down and shut up. I’ll deal with you later.”
Filed under 2017, Monday morning writing joke
Monday morning writing joke: “Tough it out”
Q. Why are Saturday and Sunday the toughest days?
A. Because the others are weakdays.
Enjoy your weak. Yeah, I know, a week joke.
Filed under 2017, Monday morning writing joke
Monday morning writing joke: “Sheepish”
Two sheep gather in a meadow.
Sheep one: “Did you meet the comic writer who moved in to the old house in the valley?”
Sheep two: “I have and I’m not am-ewe-used.”
Filed under 2017, joke by author, Monday morning writing joke
Monday morning writing joke: “Offer”
Author to his agent: “What’s the latest on my manuscript?”
Agent to author: “I sent it out to six publishers at the same time hoping to stir up the most interest in the shortest amount of time. But no response yet.”
Author, thinking the agent is trying to start a bidding war for his masterpiece. “Maybe you’re asking too much.”
Agent to author: “I offered it to them for free.”
Filed under 2017, joke by author, Monday morning writing joke
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