Q.: What’s the definition of a will?
A.: A dead giveaway.
Filed under 2017, Monday morning writing joke
A policeman is dispatched to the home of an older woman who has shot her husband for walking on just mopped floor. He radios in that he is on the scene.
Dispatch: “Have you taken her into custody?”
Officer: “Not yet. The floor’s still wet.”
Filed under 2017, Monday morning writing joke
Q. Why did the non-fiction author break up with the novelist?
A. Because they could agree if fact was stranger than fiction.
Filed under 2017, joke by author, Monday morning writing joke
A writer goes to his doctor.
Writer: “Doc, can you give me something? I’ve been trying to write for a year now, but can’t get it done.”
Doctor: “Are you saying you suffer from writer’s block?”
Writer: “That’s my story.”
Doctor: “If that’s your story, how can you have writer’s block?”
The writer then goes to his psychiatrist.
Writer: “Doc, can you give me something? I’ve been trying to write for a year now, but can’t get it done.”
Psychiatrist: “Are you saying you suffer from writer’s block?”
Writer: “That’s what I said.”
“Not exactly.”
“What does that mean?”
Psychiatrist: “It means your problems are rooted in your expectations.”
“Yes,” the writer said. “I’m expecting you to help me.”
In desperation the writer goes to his mother.
Writer, in tears: “Mom, I’ve been trying to write for a year now, but can’t get it done.”
Mom: “Why’s that?”
Writer: “I think I suffer from writer’s block.”
Mom: “You know, your Dad had that same problem when I married him, and I was able to help him.”
Writer, his face brightening: “How, Mom, how?!”
Mom: “I had you and the bum had to find a job and go to work.”
Filed under 2017, joke by author, Monday morning writing joke
First writer: “My editor told me my flashbacks were so weak they needed new batteries.”
Second writer: “What did you say?”
First writer: “I said, ‘You know, that reminds me of the first time you….’”
Filed under 2017, joke by author, Monday morning writing joke
“I’m sorry” and “I apologize” generally mean the same thing … except at a funeral.
[Editor’s note: I apologize for it being late, but I’m not sorry if you don’t get the joke.]
Filed under 2017, Monday morning writing joke
Writer one: “Did you hear about the play about the writer of run-on sentences who committed suicide?”
Writer two: “No.”
Writer one: “It’s a period piece.”
Filed under 2017, joke by author, Monday morning writing joke
Dear Muse, is it okay if I write this novel in memo form instead of regular chapters?
Filed under 2017, CarToonsday
There once was a writer ignorant of history, /
For whom dates and names were a mystery. /
Did it happen there? /
Did anyone really care? /
It let him tell the story so simplistically.
Filed under 2017, Monday morning writing joke, poetry by author
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