The blathering idiot ponders time keeping.
Tag Archives: humor
CarToonsday: The blathering idiot wonders
The blathering idiot ponders time keeping.
Filed under blathering idiot, cartoon by author, CarToonsday
I’m a writer and I don’t get no respect
Next time, I’ll just say E = mc2.
I’m a writer and I don’t get no respect. Just the other day I attended a party, and when somebody asked me what I did, I said I was a writer. He immediately began telling me his story that would “make a wonderful novel. So, I’ll tell it to you, you writer it up, and we’ll split the profits.”
Next time I go to a party and somebody asks me what I do for a living, I’ll say I’m a physicist. Nobody goes up to a physicist and says, “I have a wonderful theory. I’ll tell it to you, you write it down and put in all that math, and we’ll split the profits and the Nobel Prize.”
Filed under cartoon by author, no respect, writer, writing humor
The blathering idiot and Internet dating
The blathering idiot and Zoey had decided to see other people. Well, Zoey had announced she was going to see other people. The blathering idiot saw other people every day, but that was not what Zoey meant. Reluctantly, he tried getting dates. Less than reluctantly, the women refused, some politely, some derisively, some laughing so hard they had tears streaming down their cheeks and nothing else to say. And those that did say something polite usually said that it was not about him, but about her.
Eventually, the blathering idiot turned to dating web sites such as “Oui, Hook U Up,” or OHUUP for short. Their tag line was: “We put the We back in Oui.”
For several weeks he logged in, and talked with several women, exchanging e-mails, photos, even details of things liked and things he wanted to do and try. But he was not able to get a date. At the last minute, they would have a reason why they couldn’t meet, even for coffee or a soda.
But they did keep suggesting he sign up for the Platinum Oui for a Week Club, guaranteed to get him Oui more attention.
He didn’t have the extra money for the POW Club.
He was feeling down, wondering what he was doing wrong, when he ran across Xenia at the downtown library. She was there with some of her friends and somebody other than her mother Zoey watching over them.
She asked how he was. He told her.
“Mom’s meeting some guy she met online.”
The blathering idiot nodded.
“Though I think she really misses you.”
In some ways, he missed Xenia more than Zoey.
“I think those web sites are bogus.”
He nodded.
“I have a friend whose dad tried several of them. He told my mom he was about to fly over to Russia to meet one he had chatted with online. But he began to wonder and after chatting with a few other women from the same site realized he had been talking to some sort of computer program.”
“Really?”
Xenia nodded.
“Said he was embarrassed to admit it, but didn’t want her making the same mistake. Said he thought about reporting them, but then looked at ‘that legal stuff’ he called it on the site and it said something about using staff members and bots to enhance customer satisfaction.”
Some things are a (key) stoke of luck and some things are a (key) stroke of genius, and then some things are a (key) stroke too far.
When the blathering idiot got back to his computer, he logged into the web site, found his inbox had sixteen “oui notes” waiting for him.
Instead of reading them, he pulled up that “legal stuff” and though it was dull and at times difficult reading, he did find a section that read:
“OHUUP may, in its sole discretion, cause or allow you to be contacted by one or more Super Oui Profiles (“SOP”, “SOPs”) as a part of its “SOP” feature. A SOP may represent a person employed by OHUUP or an affiliate of OHUUP or an automated digital actor created by OHUUP. Nothing contained in an SOP is intended to describe or resemble any real person, and is included on the Website only for the personal enjoyment or entertainment of Users.
“Furthermore, SOPs are used to enhance your online experience, by (for example) stimulating communications with other Users, by introducing you to new or existing features of the Service, or by encouraging active participation on the Website. SOPs may also be used to monitor User activities and communications to ensure compliance with these Terms. In the event that the User responds to a communication from a SOP, the User may, but is not guaranteed to, receive one or more additional communications from such SOPs. Any communication between you and a SOP is for your personal enjoyment or entertainment….”
There was more, but he had read enough.
Another oui note showed up. And another. He glanced at them. Then he realized there must be some mistake. Something was amiss, or not really a miss. Somehow, he was mistakenly getting some woman’s “oui notes.” In this case, the blathering idiot decided, it was a not a bot her, but a bot him.
Filed under blathering idiot, cartoon by author, Internet dating
CarToonsday: Eight Year Old Philosopher and Eggs
Some days, the yoke of friendship runs true; other days, it just runs yellow.
New words to live by: Obsurd
New word for consideration in the next release of the Oxford English Dictionary or Webster’s Dictionary, or even the old tattered-edge dictionary your grandma uses to hold open the screen door.
New word:
Obsurd. This word is combination of:
Obscure: inconspicuous or unnoticeable. Maybe indistinct to the sight or any of the other senses; not easily felt, heard, seen, etc.
and
Absurd: obviously senseless or existing in an irrational or meaningless world.
So, Obsurd, n. inconspicuous or unnoticed senselessness. Sometimes also referred to as obsurdity, as in the obsurdity of life.
To use in context: As Henry David Thoreau said: The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.
Modern corollary: The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation, toiling endlessly and in obsurdity.
Or, go forth and do obsurd things.
Filed under words, Words to live by
Writer’s Time Machine
Writer’s Time Machine: /
Errors fixed as they appear. /
Editor dyes dies sad.
Filed under haiku, poem, poetry by author, writer's time machine
CarToonsday: Window of opportunity
Another one for the bucket list.
Filed under cartoon by author, CarToonsday, window
Zuckerberg the limerick
There once was a man named Zuckerberg
for whom listening to people seemed quite absurd.
So he took the word “face”
stuck it out in virtual space
and added “book,” because he was such a nerd.
Filed under limerick, poem, poetry by author
I’m a writer and I don’t get no respect
Critics are everywhere.
One reason the human race has such a low opinion of itself is that it gets so much of its wisdom from writers. –Wilfrid Sheed
All writing is garbage. People who come out of nowhere to try to put into words any part of what goes on in their minds are pigs. –Antonin Artaud
The noted writer Theodore Sturgeon was once asked why so much of science fiction writing was “crap.” He paused for a moment, nodded, and said, yes, 90 percent of science fiction was crap, but that “90 percent of everything is crap.” This is known as Sturgeon’s Law, and is just as true today as it was in the early 1950s when he first pronounced it.
Same is true for critics of writers and writing.
[Errata: I had originally and erroneously attributed this to Robert Heinlein, another noted writer of such classics as Stranger in a Strange Land. My apologies and thank to Tom Dupree for pointing out my error. It is good to have smarter readers dropping by to read your blog posts. May we all be so fortunate. Thank you to all who stop by, read, like, and comment. It is one of the advantages of this blog format. Thank you all. –Editor]
Filed under cartoon by author, no respect, writer
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