There once was man who stole fireworks
and truth be told he was quite a jerk.
He went out for a dance
with more than loins in his pants.
Then cigarette ash made him quite berserk.
Tag Archives: humor
Limerick: “Fireworks”
Filed under Fireworks, limerick, poem, poetry by author
Limerick: “Liberty”
There once was a woman named Liberty
who had a tough time in Puberty.
Her friends said, “Slow down.
You don’t have to go to town.
The men will find you, indubitably.”
[Editor’s note: Yeah, I took a little “liberty” with the notion of Liberty, but maybe you’ll find it fun if not enlightening. Happy July 4th. Be safe.]
Filed under liberty, limerick, poetry by author, political humor
Monday morning writing joke: My agent
A screenwriter comes home to a burned down house. His sobbing and slightly-charred wife is standing outside. “What happened, honey?” the man asks.
“Oh, John, it was terrible,” she weeps. “I was cooking, the phone rang. It was your agent. Because I was on the phone, I didn’t notice the cooker was on fire. It went up in seconds. Everything is gone. I nearly didn’t make it out of the house. Poor Moggie is…”
“Wait, wait. Back up a minute,” the man says. “My agent called?”
Filed under joke, Monday morning writing joke, writing humor
Workshop Weekend: Sunday silliness: limerick
Spent yesterday preparing a short story, a novella, and three poems for writing contests. Deadline for entry was midnight. I had the last of them turned in by 9 PM. Now it is up to the judges, the skill of the writing, some luck, and whether or not I scared off enough other potential entrants. Yes, I am kidding about the last part. I have no idea who else entered. I wanted to enter a non-fiction writing contest, but did not have my entry ready in time. Oh, well, maybe another time.
So, here is a bit of silliness for a Sunday morning (at least morning where I am right now), a limerick inspired by someone who suggested they should be naughty.
There once was a woman from Port Townsend
who traveled quite far and came home again.
Now by day she styles hair
and by night styles with care
words about her “new” life with family and friends.
I know, it’s not naughty. Maybe the next one.
Filed under limerick, poetry by author, Sunday silliness, Workshop weekend
Workshop Weekend: Roadmap for this blog
In case you’re wondering, and even if you aren’t, I would like to take a few moments and explain the new layout I am adopting for this blog. I have decided to make at least every work day specific to something. For example, Monday morning writing joke will be a joke focused on writing or about writing. It might also be a limerick (though nothing too naughty) or pun, which is something I have a weakness for.
Next: CarToonsday will be a cartoon, usually based in some way around writing, but not always.
Writing Tip Wednesday will have writing tips. It could also have recommendations of writing books to try, or information about writing conferences, or agents looking for new clients.
Haiku to you Thursday will be a haiku. At least for as long as I can write what I consider to be good quality ones. Sometimes I’m sure I’ll spit out a clunker, but sometimes you have to fail in order to succeed.
At times, the roadmap might be under construction.
Freeform Friday will be another poem, maybe not a haiku but something else, or writing such as a Blathering idiot installment, The Devil’s Dictionary, an essay. Maybe even something I haven’t tried before. Could even be another cartoon. (As if one a week is not enough.)
Story Saturday will be a part of a story. Something I am working on. Could also be a Found Story (photo with piece of writing about the photo). Could even be a whole story, if short enough. Or I may write something about my struggles to write stories, though I am sure that would get old and boring quickly.
Sunday? I may just take off. Or take off Saturday and make it Story Sunday. Or the whole weekend could be titled Workshop Weekend.
I have noticed on weekends there are usually fewer visitors to my blog. People are off doing other things, I assume. Plus a day off won’t hurt. I have a regular job, family obligations, and am working on a novel and short stories as well. On my days off, I aim for between 300 and 400 words of new writing on my stories or novel. So doing that and a blog entry can be tough. I might also skip a day here and there if I don’t have something that fits that day’s theme.
Certainly, comments and suggestions are welcome. And visits, too. The more the better. I aim to keep humor and wit of one stripe or another going on this blog. You may not be rolling in the floor laughing and sometimes you might even be rolling your eyes and groaning at the puns, but at least you’re not having to pay for the self-inflicted humor wound.
Last, but not least, thank you to all who have visited my blog and especially so to those who have linked up to receive notification when I post something new. I do appreciate it. Very much. Part of the reason for trying to more regularize the format is so that you know what’s coming.
Filed under blog, Workshop weekend, writing
CarToonsday: Where’d you bury the woman I married?
“Where’d you bury the woman I married?”
Filed under cartoon by author, CarToonsday
Monday morning writing joke: The double negative
A linguistics professor was lecturing to his English class one day. “In English,” he said, “a double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative.”
A voice from the back of the room piped up, “Yeah, right.”
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A little writing humor on the day that often feels a bit like a double negative.
Filed under Monday morning writing joke, writing humor
Found story and haiku: tough times
All that glitters could be in your past.
A shack where she once
sold you your future, she now
buys your gold. Tough times.
[Editor’s note: at the university near where I live, this booth was for several years, a place where you could go to have your fortune told. Now, you go there to sell gold. such is how higher education has changed (pardon the pun). When I went to the same university, I don’t remember seeing as many Volvo, Mercedes Benz, and other high-end cars as I do now. I am sure there were many well-to-do students when I attended, and I’m also sure there are many middle- to lower-middle class students driving less prestigious cars. But as higher education costs continue to rise faster than inflation, maybe this booth is an indication of more than tough times.]
Filed under Found story, haiku, Photo by author, poem, poetry by author, tough times
The Devil’s Dictionary: Abatis and Aborigines
In our continuing quest to revisit a classic, or even a curiosity from the past and see how relevant it is, we continue with The Devil’s Dictionary by Ambrose Bierce. Originally published in newspaper installments from 1881 until 1906. You might be surprised how current many of the entries are.
For example, here is a definition for the words Conservative and Republican, which have become synonymous. The Old definitions are Bierce’s. The New definition is mine or somebody else contemporary. From time to time, just as it was originally published, we will come back to The Devil’s Dictionary, for a look at it then and how it applies today. Click on Devil’s Dictionary in the tags below to bring up the other entries.
OLD DEFINITION
Abatis, n. Rubbish in front of a fort, to prevent the rubbish outside from molesting the rubbish inside.
Aborigines, n. Person of little worth found cumbering the soil of a newly discovered country. They soon cease to cumber; they fertilize.
Corollary: they succumb to abatis.
NEW DEFINITION
Abatis, n. Rubbish in front of the U.S. Congress, placed there to prevent the rubbish outside, the people, from molesting the rubbish inside, the bought and paid for representatives and senators. Often this rubbish is lobbyist, who themselves are many times former congressmen and senators making sure the people who hired them get what they want before the people, voters, do. See lobbyist in an earlier installment of The Devil’s Dictionary.
Aborigines, n. Person of little worth found cumbering the voting booths at election time. They soon cease to cumber; they fertilize or fodder for the plutocratic machine that is the U.S. Congress. unfortunately, this has also become increasing true of state congresses, too.
Corollary: they succumb to abatis.
Filed under Abatis, Aborigines, Ambrose Bierce, Devil's Dictionary
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