Tag Archives: humor

August 19, 2012 · 1:00 am

Sunday silliness: Ripped from the headlines:”Girlfriend upset that parents are dating”

[Editor’s note: This is more than the headline or a line from the article, though the title is a bit odd: Girlfriend upset that parents are dating. The girlfriend of one of the parents. Dating her? I thought the title and letter/response was worth posting. It is from the “Ask Amy” advice column that appears in my local newspaper.]

Girlfriend upset that parents are dating

DEAR AMY: My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost two years.
(Ed. note: Each other, I assume, but this point is unclear. They could have been dating several people for a total time of two years.)

We plan on getting married someday.
(Ed note: Isn’t that what they always say?)

Yesterday we found out that his mom and my dad have been secretly dating.
(Ed. note: I guess it is a secret no longer.)

Neither his mom nor my father seems to see our problem with this. But if they continue dating and decide they want to get married, doesn’t that mean my boyfriend and I would now be brother and sister?
(Ed. note: Ah, the human genome conundrum.)

Is there any way I can talk sense into them?

–Betrayed

Cockamamy Kid

Once upon a half-cocked notion…

DEAR BETRAYED: If you truly believe that your boyfriend’s mother and your father marrying would turn you to into siblings, then — please — do not get married and procreate.
(Ed. note: Definitely good advice.)

If your respective parents are single and available, then there is no reason they can’t (or shouldn’t) date.
(Ed. note: Except maybe the chance that they could produce a half-Betrayed child.)

However, while there is nothing you can (or should) do to prevent these two adults from dating, you do have a right to express yourselves. Mainly, you should do your best to communicate your discomfort to both parents. They should do their best to be open with you.

If these two got married and you also got married, you and your guy would become both step-siblings and spouses.
(Ed. note: and the step-mother would also be the mother-in-law and the step-father would also be the father-in-law. Think of all the money and headache that would be saved at Christmas and other holidays, especially if the young couple has children. And if the older couple has a child, too, then you have a step-child that’s stepping all over the human genome! Oh, the humanity!)

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August 17, 2012 · 5:45 pm

Ripped from the headlines: Would you want to be this man?

Suppose one morning you woke up, and over breakfast opened the morning paper to find this ad thanking you for services rendered?

George Browridge services

Would an advertisement such as this flatter you? Notice the heart border?

Such was the case for Mr. George Brownridge because of a shopping rip he arranged for some women. Something done every year. Some details here: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2178757/George-Brownridge-thanked-pleasing-15-women-entire-day-hilarious-newspaper-ad.html

Once made aware of their possible … ah … screw up, the ladies had this ad published:

An apology for any misconstruing of information

An apology for any misconstruing of information.

No word as to whether Mr. Brownridge felt appreciative or deflated by the apology.

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August 17, 2012 · 1:00 am

Freeform Friday: “I once was blue, too”

[Editor’s note: “I once was blue, too” was written a bit tongue in cheek in response to a friend on Facebook who changed his profile photo to an all-blue photo. I have included it here. After writing it and reading it, I think it holds up fairly well, so I thought I would post it here to annoy a few more people.]

Blue hue

What do you see in this wild blue yonder?

I once was very blue

then one day I saw you

and because of your blue hue

I could no longer be blue, too.

When asked if this was true,

I said what else could I do?

Next, I tried being red

but it all went to my head

and it filled me with fiery dread.

What else could be said?

I then tried being green,

but it was the worst I’d ever seen

so bad as to be obscene

Everywhere I went, I made a scene.

I tried be being yellow

a sallow looking fellow

Not too bright and not too mellow

Still people wanted to bellow.

Up next, I tried being gray

and though on my beard it did stay

I sent the rest of it away.

I’ll deal with it another day.

Other colors I tried, too:

purples, oranges, and violet brews

but none fit me quite like blue.

But what else was I to do?

I could not be as blue as you.

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August 14, 2012 · 1:00 am

cARtOONSDAY: tHE nINE yEAR oLD pHILOSOPHER

NINE YEAR OLD PHILOSOPHER

Growing out of it can mean different things to different people at different times in their lives.

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August 13, 2012 · 11:27 am

Ripped from the headlines

Mrs. Emma Jeane Johnston was buried by her husband and son, who preceded her in death.

I think the word to use in this case is “beside” and not “by,” but I don’t think Stephen King could have written it any creepier.

[Editor’s note: The above is an actual headline title or sentence from an article. Like a puca, every now and then and here and there these will appear. Just something to consider when you are writing.]

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August 13, 2012 · 1:00 am

Monday morning writing joke: I’m a writer and I don’t get no respect

I'm a writer and I don't get no respect

Nothing in the vows says to have and to hold until imagination does you part.

My wife told me I had to stop writing. She said I was having more fun with my imaginary friends than I was with her. I said, So? Big mistake. Big mistake. I forgot what a wallup a real person packs. My oral surgeon said one or two more surgeries and I’ll be almost as good as new. I’ll only have to take the dentures out once a day.

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August 12, 2012 · 1:22 pm

Workshop weekend: Haiku: “Figure of speech”

Cute as hell, she said.
Figure of speech, she said.
I figured as much.

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August 11, 2012 · 1:00 am

Workshop Weekend: Story poem: “Signs”

Love on the rocks

Love on the rocks

Love lies on the rocks
White Orchids in the air
Angels flying high above
ministering without a care.

Ol’ Fred’s doing fine.
He’s feeling all aligned.
Club XYZ and Time Warped tea
are there for you and me.

Time Warp Tea Room and Club XYZ

Hang out at Time Warp Tea Room and Club XYZ on Central St.

Love lies on the rocks
White Orchids in the air
Letters flying high above
Tea cups and room to share.

Fred’s learning ol’ Tao Tai Chi
For all his friends to see,
Or maybe glowing body yoga
With those who already know ya.

Taoist Tai Chi Center

Taoist Tai Chi Center. People from the street can see classes in session.

Love lies on the rocks
White Orchids in the air
Ol’ Fred’s lost his love.
Soon I’ll join him there.

Fred finds his Color-ama
It points the way to drama,
Poetry and Mystery,
Science and History.

Color-ama on side of building

Color-ama on side of building. Arrow points to back of Central Street Books. To the right of the Color-ama is the entrance to Glowing Body Yoga.

Love lies on the rocks
White Orchids in the air
Books glowing in the window
On Central Street, it’s there.

Central Street Books

Side of Central Street Books. Glowing BOOKS sign in the window.

These birds up on the awning
End your endless longing
For cupcakes and tasty treats,
Oh crumbum you just can’t beat.

Love lies on the rocks
White Orchids in the air
Magpies flying high above
ministering without a care.

Magpies above Magpies

Look up and see the Magpies above Magpies bakery where you find cakes, cupcakes, and crumbum that can’t be beat.

Fred sends his hair to college
To gain a little knowledge.
Or the Chop Shop crew
Can do his do and do his do anew.

Knoxvilee Institute of Hair Design

You can get your hair cut or styled at the local “barber college” where students are learning the latest techniques, or go down the street to The Chop Shop.

Love lies on the rocks
White Orchids in the air
Scissors flying high above
Snipping without a care.

Chop Shop and Relix signs

The scissors of the Chop Shop in the foreground and the Rx of the Relix Variety Theater in the background, a venue for music, comedy, and the Knoxville Horror Movie Festival.

Antiques lay all around;
Friends bargains to be found.
No need to go to town
With all that astounds.

Love lies on the rocks
White Orchids in the air
Ol’ Fred’s lost his love.
He no longer has a care.

Three Rivers flows on in
Where a day old store had been.
Ol’ Fred shops for deals
And food to make his meals.

Three Rivers Market

Three Rivers Market, a member owned, community oriented market and deli. Buy groceries or even buy a meal.

Love lies on the rocks
White Orchids in the air
The Rooster’s flying high above
Crowing without a care.

An ice cream cone that beckons
With fantasies and seconds
And Relix down the street
Show shows and hold Fred’s seat.

Freezo

Reportedly one of the few remaining Freezo dive in for food places in the U.S.

Love lies on the rocks
White Orchids in the air
Ice cream flying high above:
Things to make Fred stare.

White Orchid

White Orchid, a place for wedding dresses and other wedding items. Maybe the place to go after you find your love on the rocks.

Love lies on the rocks
White Orchids in the air
Angels flying high above
ministering without a care.

Love lies on the rocks
White Orchids in the air
Ol’ Fred’s lost his love.
He no longer has a care.

Fred's Alignment

While Fred in the poem is a person, there is a Fred’s Alignment & Service on Central St. A good place to go for all sorts of car work, to get it and keep it “all aligned.”

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August 10, 2012 · 3:04 pm

New word to live by: “festidious”

Every now and then there comes a need for a new word. Toward that end, we here at Booker’s Blog will from time to time put forth new words for consideration. We hope you will give them their proper consideration, and if you find them useful, bring them like a new friend into your daily life.

New word: festidious:
A combination of fastidious and fetish.

Fastidious, adj., hard to please; excessively particular, critical, or demanding

Fetish, n., any object, idea, etc., eliciting unquestioning reverence, respect, or devotion: to make a fetish of high grades.

Festidious: a fastidious fetish, near irrational adherence to rules, ideas, persons, body parts, etc.

Used in a sentence: He was festidious to the point of obsurdity (another new word) in the way he folded and put away his underwear. If there was any woman who could understand him and please him in this area, he would marry her, even if he had to festidiously force her into it.

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August 7, 2012 · 1:00 am

cARtOONSDAY: tHOUGHT FOR fOOD

Writer and computer monitor

It can be difficult figuring out your characters’ just desserts.

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