To Zombie, with love.
Tag Archives: humor
Monday morning writing joke: “half-breed”
First writer: “What do you get when you cross a cocker spaniel, a poddle, and a rooster?”
Second writer after thinking about it for a minute: “A fowl dog?”
First writer: “No. A cockerpoodledo.”
Second writer: “A foul dog for sure.”
Filed under Monday morning writing joke
Zombies and Valentine’s Day
Undying love
by David E. Booker
Stolen flowers; stolen moments
Of these things I am a proponent.
Human heart upon a chair,
Fitting complement to your candy ’wear.
Office supplies, engraved utensils;
Box of dead chocolate, bundle of thistles.
Your preserved nipple tattooed o’er my heart.
It’s not a good one, but it’s a start.
So now I sit and wait, a zombie for your love
As I pluck the feathers of a very disgruntled dove.
A feather for your thoughts.
Filed under cartoon by author, holiday, poetry by author, zombies
Freeform Friday: Americana
Pig on a porch swing
Pig in a Porch
by David E. Booker
Pig on a porch swing
sittin’ by the road.
One day waved
at a passing toad.
Toad wheeled around
to give the pig heck
when the pig pulled out
a menu and a pet.
The toad saw the pig
had a frog on a string,
which to him was
the oddest of all things.
I’ll free that frog
if it takes all day.
the toad said to himself
when asked the pig to play.
Pig on a porch swing
sittin’ by the road.
One day waved
at a passing toad.
Toad wheeled around
to give the pig heck
when the pig pulled out
a menu and a pet.
The toad saw the pig
had a frog on a string,
which to him was
the oddest of things.
I’ll free that frog
if it takes all day.
the toad said to himself,
then he asked the pig to play.
The pig said, “Sure
Whatcha have in mind?”
The toad said, “Sit Still.
It’s a favorite of mine.”
So the pig sat still
Well into the night
Which was all well and good
And to the Toad’s great delight.
So, to this very day
Should you pass by his swing
You’ll find our intrepid pig
Is still doing the statue thing.
Filed under Freeform Friday, Photo by author, poetry by author
cARtOONSdAY: “A wELL oF AN iDEA”
Some dips are just beyond the well.
Filed under cartoon by author, CarToonsday
Monday morning writing joke: “Six characters”
The real mystery was how he managed to come up with that many characters to begin with.
Filed under cartoon by author, Monday morning writing joke
Silly Saturday: “Baker’s twine”
Baker’s Twine
by DAVID E. BOOKER
Baker’s twine, baker’s twine
Upon their heads we will dine
Like cake pops on a stick of spine
Wrapped and tied with Baker’s twine.
Baker’s twine, baker’s twine
Hanging there so refined
Sandwiches dangling by the twine
Without a brain, I make one mine.
Baker’s twine, baker’s twine
Upon a Sandwich I did dine
I ate it all, including the twine
Now I don’t feel quite feel so fine.
Some days you get the sandwich and some days the sandwich gets you.
Filed under cartoon by author, poetry by author, Silly Saturday
cARtOONSdAY: “cOMIC rELIEF”
Sometimes the punch line comes when you least expect it.
Filed under cartoon by author, CarToonsday
Monday morning writing joke: “Play on words”
“The play’s the thing….”
Filed under cartoon by author, Monday morning writing joke
The blathering idiot writes his memoir
The blathering idiot stood in line at a writer’s convention. He had written his memoir about his campaign adventures and he was here to pitch it to agents and editors.
It was a long line. Seems everybody had a book of some sort to pitch: mystery, memoir, science fiction, military history. There was even a woman who came to pitch her book on breeding your own breed of dog. The working title was: The Bitches’ Guide to Breading Your Own. The woman herself looked like she might become one if she had to wait another minute in line. The small dog she held in her arm grew more snarly. The woman almost made it up to speak with an agent when her little bundle of fur leapt out of her grasp, onto the agents table, then the carpeted floor, pausing long enough to pee copiously, before darting off into the convention crowd.
The woman hesitated, looked at the agent, threw down the manuscript, said her book was an Idiot’s-like guide to breeding your own species, just like her little Yorkuaua. She then darted after her dog.
“Next,” the agent barked.
The blathering idiot swallowed and then sat down across the small table from the tall, imposing woman with short hair.
“Hi,” he said.
“And what’s your pitch?”
The blathering idiot stumbled through his pitch. He was sweating so hard, it looked like tears sliding down his face. No matter what she decided, he was glad it was about over.
She held up a hand. “And so this Pro-Accordion Party found you in a store front?”
“Not exactly. It was more like I found them.”
“But they picked you to be their candidate for the highest office in the land.”
“Not exactly. They had a candidate, but he backed out, citing an inability to campaign and maintain his music career.”
“Playing an accordion.”
“Yes.”
“Do you play?” she asked.
“Not exactly.”
She nodded. “Do you have an interest in playing?”
“Maybe.”
“So you don’t play the accordion. You stumbled across the Pro-Accordion Party and they were desperate for a candidate and they took you in. You had a ten-year-old as a running mate. The highlight of your campaign was speaking to a fourth-grade class, and you didn’t win a single state and weren’t even on the ballot in most of them. Is that correct?”
The blathering idiot swallowed and nodded. ‘But I enjoyed it.”
“And who do you see as the market for this book?”
“Uhh, my girlfriend.”
“My dear, naïve, child, unless you have at least one girlfriend in every city, town, and hamlet in this country, that’s not going to be many sales.”
The blathering idiot nodded, then got up from the table, stammered out a thank you, and left.
When he was outside the convention hall, Lydia, his former campaign manager, stepped up to him. “How did it go?”
“No hi, how are you?”
“So, how did it go?”
The blathering idiot shrugged. “I need more girlfriends.”
Without more girlfriends, he was probably not going to sell many copies of his memoir.
Filed under blathering idiot, Random Access Thoughts
Booker's Blog 