Tag Archives: Holiday humor
Monday morning writing joke: “Carving up the profits”
A turkey and a writer walked into a local bar.
The turkey thought the writer could make him a flying star.
“I’ll tell you my life story and then you’ll write it down.
“And we’ll split all the profits when a publisher is found.”
The writer had heard such talk and promises before,
But with his feathers spread, the turkey was too big to ignore.
Getting to the heart of the matter.
The writer reached into his tattered pocket and drew out his carving knife.
What happen next to the turkey, we’re not sure we can ever tell
Only that the poor writer liked the bird, but only medium well.
Now, let this be a lesson about where the writer will start.
The pen may be mightier than the sword, but the knife can cut to the heart.
–by David E. Booker
Filed under 2015, Holidays, Monday morning writing joke, poetry by author
Photo finish Friday: “Stealing one last look”
Before the holidays slip completely into memory, let’s steal on last look … or present.
Filed under Photo by author, Photo Finish Friday
Photo finish Friday: “A bit deflated”
Christmas is over, the presents are delivered, and Santa and his reindeer are exhausted and needing a little help to get in the air for that final trip home.
Filed under Photo Finish Friday
Monday morning writing joke: ” Santa to a writer”
This Christmas season.
Santa Claus to a writer: “What do you want for Christmas?”
Writer: “A bestseller.”
Christmas morning the writer wakes up to find the latest New York Times bestseller wrapped and under his tree.
Next Christmas season.
Santa Claus to the same writer: “What do you want for Christmas?”
Writer: “My own bestseller.”
Christmas morning the writer wakes up to find the latest New York Times bestseller autographed to him by the author wrapped and under his tree.
The Christmas season after that.
Santa Claus to the same writer: “What do you want for Christmas?”
Writer: “A bestseller that I wrote.”
Santa looks at the writer for a minute then says: “You’ve come to the wrong place. I bring presents not miracles.”
Filed under Monday morning writing joke
cARtOONSDAY: “bEWARE OF THE eLF”
It’s the little things at Christmas that often get to you the most.
All that sweetness and light
can give you such a fright.
Sneaking over to your bed
to stab you before daylight.
So when you go to bed
don’t turn your little head.
For that elf on the shelf
will make sure you wake up dead.
Then a zombie you will be
lumbering ’round the Christmas tree
searching for some brains
or other presents not meant for thee.
O’ beware that elf on the shelf!
He’s just all about himself.
He’s sweetly, creepy insane
and out to ruin your health.
Filed under cartoon by author, CarToonsday, poetry by author
Monday morning writing joke: “Have and have not”
Q.: What do Santa Claus and a struggling writer have in common?
A.: Some people believe in them; other people don’t.
Filed under Monday morning writing humor
Monday morning writing joke: “Queue”
A doctor, a lawyer, and a writer stood outside a department store on the day after Thanksgiving waiting to be let in for the big sale.
The doctor said, “I should go in first because of all the lives I saved with my prowess as a surgeon. I need to get back to the operating room.”
The lawyer said, “I should go in first because of all the bad people I put in prison so that they couldn’t hurt anybody anymore. In fact, I have another case to try in a few hours.”
After a few moments of silence, the doctor and the lawyer turned to the writer.
“Well?” the doctor asked.
“Don’t you want to go in first?” the lawyer asked.
“No,” the writer said. “All I want to get is my tea mug that I left in there last night when I was helping them put out the stock. This is my seasonal job to make ends meet. I have to work here to help out my dad, whose in the hospital with chest problems, my younger brother who has a learning disability, and my grandmother, who could go to jail for shoplifting to help pay for her medications.”
They were so stunned that when the doors opened, he walked inside ahead of them and got what he wanted. He didn’t work there, and his parents and brother were fine. They were waiting in line at other stores. He was, after all, a fiction writer.
Filed under Monday morning writing joke
Monday morning writing joke: “Head ache”
Q.: What type of performer is a zombie?
A.: A headliner
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Q.: When a zombie leaves, what is she doing?
A.: She’s heading out-of-town.
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Q.: What is the main feature a zombie looks for in a car?
A.: More head room.
Filed under Monday morning writing joke
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