Tag Archives: heaven

Monday morning writing joke: “Heaven or Hell?”

A writer died and was given the option of going to heaven or hell.

She decided to check out each place first. As the writer descended into the fiery pits, she saw row upon row of writers chained to their desks in a steaming sweatshop. As they worked, they were repeatedly whipped with thorny lashes.

“Oh my,” said the writer. “Let me see heaven now.”

A few moments later, as she ascended into heaven, she saw rows of writers, chained to their desks in a steaming sweatshop. As they worked, they, too, were whipped with thorny lashes.

“Wait a minute,” said the writer. “This is just as bad as hell!”

“Oh no, it’s not,” replied an unseen voice. “Here, your work gets published.”

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Clouds arch (amended)

White clouds arch upward,
brushing the lips of heaven.
Pleasantries exchanged.

[Editor’s note. With only a few words to work with, I decided I needed something a little more evocative than “the.” that lead me to try several things, including white. For the moment, I have decided upon white. But maybe you can think of some other work that might work better for you. Maybe, “the” works better for you. That is the beauty of writing: there can be variations.]

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Clouds arch

The clouds arch upward,
brushing the lips of heaven.
Pleasantries exchanged.

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Whispered embrace

Love whispered your name

Whispered embrace

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“Wings” to heaven.

DEAR ABBY: I am a middle-aged woman who is Baptist by faith. I believe that when I die I will go to heaven, My problem is, if going to heavean means being reunited with my parents and other family members, then I don’t want to go! The idea of spending eternity with them is more than I can stand, but I don’t want to go to hell, either. Any thoughts? –Eternally Confused in Mississippi

DEAR ETERNALLY CONFUSED: Yes. When you reach the pearly gates, talk this over with St. Peter. Perhaps he would be willing to place you in a different wing than the one your parents and other family members are staying in. And in the meantime, discuss this with your minister.

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Sometimes, you just can’t make things up. The entry above appeared in the Dear Abby column of my local paper in November of this year. In one sense, it needs no commentary, though it does remind me of the quote from mark Twain: “Heaven for climate and hell for society.” This also seems like a question the writer should have been asking of her minister before asking Dear Abby or even instead of Dear Abby, whose response is interesting and yet odd in its own way. “Wings” to heaven?  Is this an attempt at a pun?

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Filed under advice, Dear Abby, heaven, humor, Mark Twain, puns