Tag Archives: elephant

Monday morning writing joke: “Animal Crackers”

A writer and an elephant walked into a room. The elephant sat down in a chair and the writer sat down at the desk and began typing.

When the writer was done, he printed out the pages and placed them on the table, then left the room.

The elephant, read the pages, made some notations and other comments, then laid the pages back on the desk.

The writer came back into the room, read it and either nodded or wadded up the pages and threw them in the trash.

This went on for several weeks, then one day another tenant in the office complex asked the writer what he was doing.

“Working on a book.”

“What’s the elephant for?”

The writer said, “He’s my editor. My agent said if I didn’t hire an editor to help me with my writing, she’d never be able to sell my next book.”

“But an elephant?”

“He comes highly recommended and he works for peanuts.”

The tenant started to laugh, then stopped and asked, “Who recommended him?”

“My agent, the jackass.”

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Photo finish Friday: “Unmentionable”

The tchotchke side of town

The tchotchke side of town

Bosom babe met the elephant
down by the merry-go-round.
Bosom babe asked the elephant
if he’d like to see the town?
Replied the red elephant
lifting his trunk high into the air,
“I’ve seen all I want to see
and much more than you care.”
She wondered what he meant
until she looked up high.
Then she spied her unmentionables:
dainty white against blue sky.
Let this be a lesson to you:
ladies don’t hang around
a shiny red elephant
from the tchotchke side of town.

— Photo by Brian Griffin; poem by David E. Booker

[Editor’s note: Yes, this poem is Fourth of July suitable (pardon the pun). It mentions the colors red, white, and blue.]

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Photo finish Friday: “Pink”

Think pink

Think pink

Bobo thought he had seen it all. Then he saw this: a big bright pink elephant. He had to have it. It would perfect for his yard. His wife couldn’t object. It was the 1,000 pound gorilla he wanted to keep in the guest bedroom. It was an elephant. It would stay outside. And it would be the perfect complement to her pink flamingos — all 200 hundred of them strewn all over their lawn.

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Monday morning writing joke: “Watering hole”

A writer and a pink elephant walk into a bar.

The elephant walks up to the bar and says to the bartender, “The writer that came in with me tells me this is the writers’ favorite watering hole in town.”

The bartender nods. “Like to think so.”

The elephant glances around. “But I don’t see anything odd.”

The bartender points to a woman sitting in back corner where the light was dim. “There sits a poet whose only love left her thirty years ago and that’s all she can writer about. She comes in, drinks, and talks to him as if he never left.”

The bartender points to a young man sitting in a booth, a pile of half smoked cigarettes in a bowl in front of him. “Over there is a novelist whose first book as a bestseller and whose next two books were panned or not reviewed at all. Yet, he keeps saying the next one will be a winner, though he’s yet to write a word of it.”

The bartender points to yet a third person and relates his story, then a fourth, a fifth, a sixth, and was about to tell about the deaf, mute, and blind from birth writer sitting next to the elephant at the bar, when the elephant nods.

The elephant walks over to the table where the drunk writer is sitting.

“You win,” the elephant says. “Me seeing you as a delusion at my watering hole is nothing like the things these writers see here.”

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Elephant from Nantucket

The Romeny Effect

Sometimes it’s not the elephant in the middle of the room that’s the problem, it’s what the elephant has in his trunk.

There once was an elephant from Nantucket
whose trunk was so long he could suck it.
With full force it went in,
bending time and again.
Until election day, he’s just stuck with it.

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