Tag Archives: definitions

The Devil’s Dictionary: Abatis and Aborigines

In our continuing quest to revisit a classic, or even a curiosity from the past and see how relevant it is, we continue with The Devil’s Dictionary by Ambrose Bierce. Originally published in newspaper installments from 1881 until 1906. You might be surprised how current many of the entries are.

For example, here is a definition for the words Conservative and Republican, which have become synonymous. The Old definitions are Bierce’s. The New definition is mine or somebody else contemporary. From time to time, just as it was originally published, we will come back to The Devil’s Dictionary, for a look at it then and how it applies today. Click on Devil’s Dictionary in the tags below to bring up the other entries.

OLD DEFINITION
Abatis, n. Rubbish in front of a fort, to prevent the rubbish outside from molesting the rubbish inside.

Aborigines, n. Person of little worth found cumbering the soil of a newly discovered country. They soon cease to cumber; they fertilize.

Corollary: they succumb to abatis.

NEW DEFINITION
Abatis, n. Rubbish in front of the U.S. Congress, placed there to prevent the rubbish outside, the people, from molesting the rubbish inside, the bought and paid for representatives and senators. Often this rubbish is lobbyist, who themselves are many times former congressmen and senators making sure the people who hired them get what they want before the people, voters, do. See lobbyist in an earlier installment of The Devil’s Dictionary.

Aborigines, n. Person of little worth found cumbering the voting booths at election time. They soon cease to cumber; they fertilize or fodder for the plutocratic machine that is the U.S. Congress. unfortunately, this has also become increasing true of state congresses, too.

Corollary: they succumb to abatis.

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The Devil’s Dictionary: Economy and Effect

Every now and then, it is good to revisit a classic, or even a curiosity from the past. The Devil’s Dictionary by Ambrose Bierce was originally published in newspaper installments from 1881 until 1906. You might be surprised how current many of the entries are.

For example, here is a definition for the word abasement. The first definition is Bierce’s. The second one is mine. From time to time, just as it was originally published, we will come back to The Devil’s Dictionary, for a look at it then and how it applies today. Click on Devil’s Dictionary in the tags below to bring up the other entries

Old definition:
Economy, n. Purchasing the barrel of whiskey that you do not need for the price of the cow that you cannot afford.

New definition:
Economy, n. Purchasing the house that you did not need for the inflated price that you could not reasonably qualify for, but did because the Wall Street banks wanted you to.

Old definition:
Effect, n. The second of two phenomena which always occur together in the same order. The first, called a Cause, is said to generate the other — which is no more sensible than it would be for one who has never seen a dog except in pursuit of a rabbit to declare the rabbit the cause of the dog.

New definition:
Effect, n. Post hoc, ergo propter hoc. After it, therefore because of it. You bought the house you couldn’t afford because a loan you couldn’t understand and then the economy sank. Therefore, the sinking of the economy is your fault. Also known as the Fox News / Republicans-to-the-Occupy-Wall-Street-people interpretation of economic events.

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Filed under Ambrose Bierce, Definition, Devil's Dictionary, economy, effect, humor, satire