WRITER: Comedy comes from pain.
AGENT: Then this meeting is hilarious.
WRITER: Comedy comes from pain.
AGENT: Then this meeting is hilarious.
Filed under 2020, Monday morning writing joke
There once was a writer from NASA
Who knew if aliens could blast ya.
He wrote his memoir
Called, Life from Afar.
His agent said, “The movies have passed ya.”
Filed under 2020, Monday morning writing joke, NASA, Poetry by David E. Booker
Why did the author cross the road?
I don’t know. Why?
To catch the agent on the other side. Why did the agent cross the road?
I don’t know.
To catch the editor on the other side. Why did the editor cross the road?
Why?
To catch the publisher on the other side. Why did the publisher cross the road?
Okay, why did the publisher cross the road?
He was following the chicken.
Filed under 2017, joke by author, Monday morning writing joke
A writer and an elephant walked into a room. The elephant sat down in a chair and the writer sat down at the desk and began typing.
When the writer was done, he printed out the pages and placed them on the table, then left the room.
The elephant, read the pages, made some notations and other comments, then laid the pages back on the desk.
The writer came back into the room, read it and either nodded or wadded up the pages and threw them in the trash.
This went on for several weeks, then one day another tenant in the office complex asked the writer what he was doing.
“Working on a book.”
“What’s the elephant for?”
The writer said, “He’s my editor. My agent said if I didn’t hire an editor to help me with my writing, she’d never be able to sell my next book.”
“But an elephant?”
“He comes highly recommended and he works for peanuts.”
The tenant started to laugh, then stopped and asked, “Who recommended him?”
“My agent, the jackass.”
Filed under 2017, joke by author, Monday morning writing joke
Below, 16 of our agents share tips that didn’t make the issue. Continue reading for advice on doing agent research, working with beta readers, establishing yourself as part of a community, writing query letters, and more:
The Market:
Research:
Beta Readers and Critique Groups:
Community:
Platform:
Editing:
Queries:
Agent-Author Relationship:
Perseverance:
Filed under 2017, writing tip, Writing Tip Wednesday
About Joanna MacKenzie: Joanna joined the Nelson Literary Agency at the start of 2017 following a tenure at a Chicago-based literary agency where she successfully placed numerous manuscripts that have gone on to become critically acclaimed, award-winning, and bestselling novels. She represents a wide-range of writers, from YA (Kristen Simmons) and romance (Shana Galen) to mysteries and thrillers (John Galligan). Joanna loves working with authors who embrace the full publishing process (read: love revisions) and is committed to the stories her clients want to tell both with the words they put on paper, as well as with the careers the build. At the Nelson Literary Agency, Joanna is looking to expand her list in both adult and YA.
She is Seeking: Joanna is looking for literary-leaning projects with commercial potential and epic reads that beat with a universal heart (think The Secret History or The Namesake or Geek Love). In particular, she’s drawn to smart and timely women’s fiction as well as absorbing, character-driven mysteries and thrillers –Tana French is a particular favorite. She has a weird obsession with, what she calls, “child in jeopardy lit” and can’t get enough kick-ass mom heroines—she’d love to find the next Heather Gudenkauff. On the YA side, she’s interested in coming of age stories that possess a confident voice and characters she can’t stop thinking about (Morgan Matson is on her forever shelf).
How to Submit: Send a query via email to queryjoanna@nelsonagency.com. Please remember:
Filed under 2017, writing tip, Writing Tip Wednesday
Author to his agent: “What’s the latest on my manuscript?”
Agent to author: “I sent it out to six publishers at the same time hoping to stir up the most interest in the shortest amount of time. But no response yet.”
Author, thinking the agent is trying to start a bidding war for his masterpiece. “Maybe you’re asking too much.”
Agent to author: “I offered it to them for free.”
Filed under 2017, joke by author, Monday morning writing joke
Quressa Robinson of D4EO Literary
About Quressa: Quressa Robinson joined the D4EO Literary Agency in 2016 and is actively building her client list. Quressa was an acquiring editor at St. Martin’s Press, where she edited both fiction and nonfiction. Her acquisitions include Certain Dark Things (a Publishers Weekly Fall Announcement Top 10 Pick and October B&N Staff Pick) and The Beautiful Ones—both by Locus, World Fantasy, Sunburst, and Aurora Award-nominated author Silvia Moreno-Garcia; Spells of Blood and Kin (which received a starred PW review) by Claire Humphrey; and The Atlas of Forgotten Places by Jenny D. Williams, among others.
She is seeking: Science fiction/fantasy (including speculative/magical realism), nonfiction (celebrity, pop culture, pop science), upmarket and commercial women’s fiction, historical fiction, family sagas, contemporary young adult, and science fiction/fantasy young adult crossover. “I am particularly interested in OwnVoices and inclusive narratives. Genre bending is also great, i.e. epic fantasy romance or upmarket fantasy.”
How to submit: Send all queries to quressa@d4eo.com. Include the first fifty pages of your novel or full proposal and sample chapters as a Word attachment. If the submission is a simultaneous submission, please indicate that in your query. E-mail queries only.
Filed under 2017, writing tip, Writing Tip Wednesday
Paula Munier of Talcott Notch Literary
Paula Munier (Talcott Notch Literary)
Notes: “High concept only.”
How to submit: E-query editorial [at] talcottnotch.net with “Query for Paula: [title]” in the subject line.
From their query page http://www.talcottnotch.net/index.php/queries:
What should an ideal query include?
Fiction
Your fiction query should include your genre, such as mystery, science fiction or mainstream, whether the project is for adults or for children, and the length of the complete project in number of words (for example, 86,000 words), not pages. The query should give us a brief overview of the book’s plot and main characters, but does not have to include a complete synopsis. For first-time authors, we do prefer that the project be complete before you query us.
Nonfiction
Your nonfiction query should include your subject area, such as history, biography or business, the main concept of the book, the word count you project the book will be when completed, and your credentials to write the work. Unlike many first novels, many first nonfiction projects do not require that the book be finished before it can be marketed successfully, and we’ll be looking to see that the book proposal and a sample chapter is available here instead. Let us know how long you feel you will take to complete the book. Be realistic with your estimations. It doesn’t matter if you give us an estimate that sounds good if you cannot deliver the book on that date.
Things that Make a Query Stand Out
Hook us in your first paragraph. What’s the most outstanding aspect of your book? Is it your characters’ conflict? Is it your protagonist’s background? Is it the completely surprising revelation you uncovered in your research for your new health book? Don’t assume that you have your entire query to get to your point. If you don’t hook your reader with your opening, your query could get pushed aside.
Show you know your market. Nothing says you haven’t given this a thought better than saying your book is for readers 8-80. But if you say your book is YA and would appeal to readers of two specific writers (particularly if they simply aren’t the two best-known at the moment!) and can even list reasons why, then you’re getting warm.
Don’t forget your ten pages. We ask specifically for the first ten pages of the manuscript and without those, we have to make a decision based solely on the query. Perhaps your query letter isn’t your strongest point, and your voice in your manuscript is amazing? Don’t lose out on the chance to convince us! Just be sure to paste those into the body of the email rather than add them as an attachment.
Things to Avoid In a Query
Don’t stress the fact you are a new writer if you are. Stress your qualifications to write the project and your ability to promote it successfully.
Don’t suggest a book length that is simply not marketable. Research the publishers’ websites, author guidelines and new releases to know what they’re publishing right now.
Don’t quote nice things other people told you when they were turning down your query or book. It might seem like a good idea to tell us that Fabulous Editor X or Amazing Agent Y told you your writing was compelling or your characters were complex, but the next person reading this is going to wonder why that editor or agent didn’t sign the book. In fact, by giving us the quotes from rejections, you’re making the book less appealing, not more.
Avoid insisting the book is going to be a bestseller, even if you feel certain it will be! Let your story and your writing speak for itself.
Filed under 2017, writing tip, Writing Tip Wednesday
New Literary Agent Alert: Maximilian Ximenez of L. Perkins Agency
About Maximilian: Maximilian Ximenez grew up within the New York publishing industry. Prior to joining the L. Perkins Agency, he worked at Blizzard Entertainment, creators of the popular Warcraft, StarCraft, and Diablo video game franchises. He is a strong believer in publishing and narrative as a central pillar of franchise and transmedia development.
He is seeking: Maximilian is actively pursuing clients for both fiction and nonfiction works. In fiction, he is acquiring science fiction, fantasy, horror, and thrillers, particularly cyberpunk and neo-noir as well as books with a uniquely deconstructive bent. For nonfiction, Maximilian is seeking popular science, true crime, and books pertaining to arts and trends in developing fields and cultures.
How to submit: For submissions, please send an email to maximilian [at] lperkinsagency.com with your bio, a brief synopsis, and the first five pages of your book or novel in the body.
Filed under 2017, writing tip, Writing Tip Wednesday