The midnight swim of Grace

Recently, in my hometown of Knoxville, TN, a 23-year-old woman by the name of Evelyn Grace Radford, supposedly fortified by wine and fit of limb and wind, swam not the English Channel, but the more modest Fort Loudoun Lake (sometimes referred to as Fort Loudoun Embayment. Named for an Englishman of noble lineage who never saw it and probably cared not a whit about it).

To add daring to her do, she did so in the dark of night and in no more than her bra and panties. If you do not believe me, you can read the article below or follow the link for the full story, assuming you are not stopped by some pay wall. She successfully swam the Lake, Embayment (sometimes also called the Tennessee River because this were the River starts), but was greeted by police and rescue squad personnel who had been called to the scene for fear that she had fallen in and might be drowning.

The event inspired the following modest poetic verse:

There once was a lady named Grace /
Who did the breast stroke all out-of-place. /
She swam the river with flair /
Scantily in her underwear. /
Alas, the newspaper showed only her face.

Grace's mug shot

Grace’s mug shot

KNOXVILLE — A 23-year-old Knoxville woman told police late Monday night she “just wanted to swim” after making her way across Fort Loudoun Lake wearing only a bra and panties.

Evelyn Grace Radford’s near-midnight jump into the water at Volunteer Landing, however, prompted calls of a drowning to authorities who launched boats to rescue the scantily clad woman.

Her actions also prompted charges of disorderly conduct and public intoxication, records show.

Authorities were alerted at 11:54 p.m. that an intoxicated woman had stripped down to her basic clothing and jumped into the water and was swimming to the south shore, according to Knoxville Police Department Sgt. Scott Coffey.

“She left her clothing with her boyfriend at Volunteer Landing and he abruptly left the area,” Coffey said. “The witnesses indicated they believed the couple were in an argument prior to her jumping in the water.”

For the rest of the story: http://www.knoxnews.com/news/watchful-eye/midnight-swim-nets-charges-against-scantily-clad-woman_69968857

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Photo finish Friday: “The Preacher and the Creature”

The preacher and the creature: a hirsute tale

The preacher and the creature: a hirsute tale

The preacher and the creature
were creeping around the wilds.
The preacher and the creature
were a contrast in styles.

The preacher had a squint;
the creature had a smirk.
The preacher gave out hints;
the creature walked herkyjerk.

They roamed the wilds together,
though rarely arm in arm
for the creature’s hide of leather
could do the preacher harm.

Yet one day he tried a saddle
upon the creature’s back
and with a little paddle
he gave a gentle whack.

Now, let this be a tale of care
for all who go astray:
the preacher had a full head of hair
until that fateful day.

That little whack, it came back
with a much bigger response.
The creature went on the attack
and sent out a fiery launch.

And when the smoke had cleared
upon that faith filled day
the preacher had a beard,
but no hair to comb away.

///
photo by Chris Buice
poem by David E. Booker

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Haiku to you Thursday: “Echo”

Your echo lives large /

a river rushed canyon /

surging through my life.

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cARtOONSDAY: “vICES aND vIRTUES”

Willard faces a low period, or maybe no period at all.

Willard faces a low period, or maybe no period at all.

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Monday morning writing joke: “An Irish priest in Texas”

An Irish priest was transferred to Texas.

Father O’Malley rose from his bed one morning. It was a fine spring day in his new west Texas mission parish.

He walked to the window of his bedroom to get a deep breath of the beautiful day outside.

He then noticed there was a jackass lying dead in the middle of his front lawn. He promptly called the local police station.

The conversation went like this: “Good morning. This is Sergeant Jones. How might I help you?”

“And the best of the day te yerself. This is Father O’Malley at St. Ann ‘s Catholic Church. There’s a jackass lying dead in me front lawn and would ye be so kind as to send a couple o’yer lads to take care of the matter?”

Sergeant Jones, considering himself quite a wit and recognizing the foreign accent, thought he would have a little fun with the good father, replied, “Well now Father, it was always my impression that you people took care of the last rites!”

There was dead silence on the line for a long moment. …

Father O’Malley then replied: “Aye, ’tis certainly true; but we are also obliged to notify the next of kin first, which is the reason for me call.”

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Famous Writers’ Report Cards: Ernest Hemingway, William Faulkner, Norman Mailer, E.E. Cummings & Anne Sexton | Open Culture

Famous Writers' Report Cards: Ernest Hemingway, William Faulkner, Norman Mailer, E.E. Cummings & Anne Sexton | Open Culture.

Famous Writers' Report Cards: Ernest Hemingway, William Faulkner, Norman Mailer, E.E. Cummings & Anne Sexton | Open Culture.

Now that school has started, it might be interesting to see what authors such as Ernest Hemingway, e.e. cummings, and Norman Mailer, just to name few made on their report cards.

Details located at: http://www.openculture.com/2014/06/famous-writers-report-cards.html

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Photo finish Friday: “the Bugalypse”

They learned from the robots, but they didn't learn enough.

They learned from the robots, but they didn’t learn enough.

First, there was the Artificial Intelligence Revolt (AIR) of 2092. Next, there was the Robot Apocalypse (RoAp) of 2127. Then after the Robots had taken over and mankind was a mere memory, along came the Bugalypse. Having seen how the robots had done it, the bugs engineered their own metal versions of their kind. This allowed them to make even larger versions of themselves than they had ever imagined. There was only one problem: They had forgotten to rust proof their new bodies and for many of the Bugalypse life ended in a rusty metal shell in the middle of a field of flowers. And with it, so did the Bugalypse. Known as the Bugalypse Bust, it was sometimes referred to by its acronym: BuBu (pronounced Boo-Boo).

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Haiku to you Thursday: “See me”

The moon says, “See me.” /

A bridge across the night sky /

phasing light and tides.

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Writing tip Wednesday: “Two more agents to consider”

Catherine Luttinger

Catherine Luttinger

Catherine Luttinger of Darhansoff & Verrill. Catherine recently rejoined the agency and is looking for clients now. Catherine is primarily interested in science fiction and fantasy. To her, that includes anything that could even remotely be labeled as such. Viable submission material includes everything from classic space operas to the apocalypse; alternative universes, dystopias, and eco-thrillers—as well as the paranormal, horror, zombies, plagues, and time travel. She is also willing to look at historical fiction, mythology re-told, YA, thrillers and mysteries. You may also pitch her pop-science nonfiction.

Details and how to contact at: http://www.writersdigest.com/editor-blogs/guide-to-literary-agents/literary-agent-spotlight-catherine-luttinger-of-darhansoff-verrill

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Stacy Testa

Stacy Testa

Stacy Testa joined Writers House in 2011 as an assistant to senior agent Susan Ginsburg and has been actively building her own client list since 2013. Previously, she interned at Farrar, Straus & Giroux and Whimsy Literary. Stacy graduated cum laude with a BA in English from Princeton University. Follow her on Twitter: @stacy_testa.

Stacy is looking for literary fiction and upmarket commercial women’s fiction, particularly character-driven stories with an international setting, historical bent, or focus on a unique subculture. She also represents realistic young adult (no dystopian or paranormal, please!). For nonfiction, she is particularly interested in young “millennial” voices with a great sense of humor and a strong platform, startling and unique memoirs, and voice-driven narratives about little-known historical moments.

Details and how to contact at: http://www.writersdigest.com/editor-blogs/guide-to-literary-agents/new-literary-agent-alert-stacy-testa-of-writers-house

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cARtOONSDAY: “bRAIN sURGERY”

It couldn't be any harder, could it?

It couldn’t be any harder, could it?

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