Monday morning writing joke: “Dueling puns, part 1”

Two writers who didn’t like each other met in a bar, as such writers often do. Each claimed it was his favorite bar and each claimed he had found it first.

After several months of glowering at each other and bad mouthing each other, they agree to settle the matter with a duel of puns. A set of cards was placed on the table between them, face down. On each card was a subject. Each writer in turn would flip over the top card and then each writer would have to come up with a pun that the other writer would have to guess. There would be several rounds, possibly over several nights. The bartender, a waiter, and a waitress would be the judges, scoring each round.

Props were allowed, and for each turn, each writer could make one phone call.
The tall, thin writer won the coin toss, so he decided to turn over the first card. The card read, “animal.”

The shorter, plump writer thought about it for a moment and called a friend. In a few minutes, a duck started appearing at the windows of the bar. First looking in one window, then the next, then another.

The tall writer made a few guesses, none of them right. Finally he gave up.
“Peeking duck,” the short writer said.

The bartender and wait staff nodded, thinking it was a pretty good pun.

The tall writer felt sweat running down the back of his shirt. He wasn’t sure what to do, then he had an idea and called a friend at a costume shop.

In a little while, a Panda walked into the bar, dressed in baggy clothes. Every now and then, the pants on the Panda would fall and the bear would have to bend over to pull them up, causing people to laugh, giggle, even turn red-faced every now and then.

I know what this is, the short writer said: “Panda moonin’ ’em. Pandemonium.”

Round one to the short writer.

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Filed under 2016, joke by author, Monday morning writing joke

“Airship” for literature

Czech center builds giant ‘airship’ for literature

http://www.knoxnews.com/news/394430431.xhtml

 Leos Valka, a co-creator, sits on a rooftop overlooking a giant object resembling a zeppelin airship at an arts center in Prague, Czech Republic. The 42-meter long and 10-meter wide ship is planned to seat some 120 people on its cascade steps. It will be used for authors' reading and debates about literature to complement exhibitions at the DOX Centre for Contemporary Art, one of the most innovative and challenging galleries in the Czech capital. (AP Photo/Petr David Josek)

Leos Valka, a co-creator, sits on a rooftop overlooking a giant object resembling a zeppelin airship at an arts center in Prague, Czech Republic. The 42-meter long and 10-meter wide ship is planned to seat some 120 people on its cascade steps. It will be used for authors’ reading and debates about literature to complement exhibitions at the DOX Centre for Contemporary Art, one of the most innovative and challenging galleries in the Czech capital. (AP Photo/Petr David Josek)

By Karel Janicek, The Associated Press

PRAGUE (AP) – Is that a zeppelin on the roof?

The huge object appears to have landed on the roof of the DOX Centre for Contemporary Art in the Czech capital.

The wooden and metal structure, envisioned as a home for literature, is another project of the center known for its challenging exhibitions and installations.

The center’s founder and director, Leos Valka, joined forces with architect Martin Rajnis, who won the 2014 Global Award for Sustainable Architecture, to give the gallery another dimension.

“Our aim for the world of contemporary art is to spread and get partially interconnected with the world of literature,” Valka said at a preview this week.

The 42-meter (138-feet) long and 10-meter (33-feet) wide ship is planned to seat 120 people on its cascade steps inside for authors’ readings, performances, workshops and public debates to complement the exhibitions.

That’s all to be in line with the gallery’s mission “to create a space for research, presentation, and debate on important social issues, where visual arts, literature, performing arts, and other disciplines encourage a critical view of the so-called reality of today’s world.”

Numerous obstacles had to be overcome to get approval from authorities for the 55-metric-ton (60-ton) project.

The ship was finally qualified as a “watchtower” – a bit of absurdity which Prague native Franz Kafka might have appreciated.

The airship is named Gulliver, the hero of Jonathan Swift’s classic, who visited a flying island of Laputa during his adventurous travels.

“It’s a world of pure imagination,” Valka said about the project. “A children’s world.”

“You should get an impression that some 10-12-years-old boys escaped from the houses of parents to board their makeshift aircraft and by accident crash-landed in Holesovice,” the Prague district where the center is located.

“It’s an elegant intruder,” Valka said. “It’s a concrete, fully authentic, giant object whose message is that things can be done differently.”

The literature space is scheduled to open in late November or early December.

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Filed under 2016, books, literature

And that’s punctuation. Period.

September 24th was National Punctuation Day. If interested, you can read more about it here: http://www.nationalpunctuationday.com/.

Punctuation is important to writing, whether it be a novel or a set of instructions on how to operate a new gadget. For example, does the panda eat, shoots, and leaves or does the panda eat shoots and leaves? There are even books devoted to punctuation: how to use it, when to use it, and even some about why to use it.

Though belated (Is there a punctuation mark for that?), below is a chart of some little known and rarely — if ever — used punctuation marks.

little-known-punctuation-marks

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Filed under 2016, punctuation

Photo finish Friday: “She came from…”

She came from beyond the light, from a place before light, before shadows, before there was a beginning and an end.

She came from beyond the light, from a place before light, before shadows, before there was a beginning and an end.

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Filed under 2016, Photo by Lauren Booker, Photo Finish Friday

Haiku to you Thursday: “Endless”

The rooms are endless, /

Like stars in the universe /

In my summer’s dream.

[Editor’s note: This takes the same idea as last week’s haiku and takes it in a slightly different way.]

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Filed under 2016, Haiku to You Thursday, poetry by author

Writing tip Wednesday: “Dark and stormy contest”

our-darkest-hour-contest

Details at: Writermag.com/contests

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Filed under 2016, writing tip, Writing Tip Wednesday

cARtOONSdAY: “cASE lOGIC 18: tUNNELING”

They intended to travel back in time and eliminate the period.

They intended to travel back in time and eliminate the period.

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Filed under 2016, cartoon by author, CarToonsday

Monday morning writing joke: “Checked out”

A newspaper columnist scurries into a library. She needs every book they have on Harry Houdini. She asks the librarian for help. “It’s for an article I have to turn in today.”

The librarian finds where the books are located and he leads the woman to the shelves to check out what they have.

They find the spot. They both stare at the shelves for a moment, then he turns to the columnist and says, “Looks like they have all disappeared.”

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Hey, brother, can you spare a slang word?

Endangered American Slang Needs Your Help

Won’t you consider adopting a word or two?

https://electricliterature.com/endangered-american-slang-needs-your-help-2551a782012a#.s1nrvqukl

by Dani Spencer

If you’re from Delaware, Maryland, or Virginia and think having shat fall from your pinetrees is abnormal, then we have news for you: you are among the many Americans losing touch with your historical regional dialect. And let’s be frank: can our language, our literature really afford to lose fleech, fogo or goose drownder?

Okay, poop jokes aside, the Dictionary of American Regional English views the potential extinction of 50 American words and phrases as no laughing matter. DARE and the global podcasting platform Acast have joined forces and are starting a campaign to bring these colloquialisms back to “their former glory.” The game plan is for hosts of various programs on Acast’s network to start using these at risk words, in hopes that their millions of listeners will adopt them into their vocabulary.

dialect-mapThis is not a bad strategy considering the growing popularity of podcasts in the U.S. The president of Acast, Karl Rosander, believes “learning through audio is a hugely effective educational method,” and “vummed” that there will be a vernacular revival.

And what about the written word? Well, readers, study up, make a point of using a few of these expressions in your own writing. Let’s all of us do Faulkner proud.

Here’s the full DARE list of endangered words and phrases:
Barn burner: a wooden match that can be struck on any surface. Chiefly Pennsylvania, southern New Jersey and Maryland.
Bat hide: a dollar bill. Chiefly south-west.
Be on one’s beanwater: to be in high spirits, feel frisky. Chiefly New England.
Bonnyclabber: thick, sour milk. Chiefly north Atlantic.
Counterpin: a bedspread. Chiefly south and south midland.
Croker sack: a burlap bag. Chiefly Gulf states, south Atlantic.
Cuddy: a small room, closet, or cupboard.
Cup towel: a dish towel. Chiefly Texas, inland south region.
Daddock: rotten wood, a rotten log. Chiefly New England.
Dish wiper: a dish towel. Chiefly New England.
Dozy: of wood, decaying. Chiefly north-east, especially Maine.
Dropped egg: a poached egg. Chiefly New England.
Ear screw: an earring. Chiefly Gulf States, lower Mississippi Valley.
Emptins: homemade yeast used as starter in bread. Chiefly New England, upstate New York.
Farmer match: a wooden match than can be struck on any surface. Chiefly upper midwest, Great Lakes region, New York, West Virginia.
Fleech: to coax, wheedle, flatter. South Atlantic.
Fogo: An offensive smell. Chiefly New England.
Frog strangler: a heavy rain. Chiefly south, south midland.
Goose drownder: a heavy rain. Chiefly midland.
I vum: I swear, I declare. Chiefly New England.
Larbo: a type of candy made of maple syrup on snow. New Hampshire.
Last button on Gabe’s coat: the last bit of food. Chiefly south, south midland.
Leader: a downspout or roof gutter. Chiefly New York, New Jersey.
Nasty-neat: overly tidy. Scattered usage, but especially north-east.
Parrot-toed: pigeon-toed. Chiefly mid-Atlantic, south Atlantic.
Pin-toed: pigeon-toed. Especially Delaware, Maryland, Virginia.
Popskull: cheap or illegal whiskey. Chiefly southern Appalachians.
Pot cheese: cottage cheese. Chiefly New York, New Jersey, northern Pennsylvania, Connecticut.
Racket store: a variety store. Particularly Texas.
Sewing needle: a dragonfly. Especially Michigan, Wisconsin, Minnesota, Massachusetts.
Shat: a pine needle. Chiefly Delaware, Maryland, Virginia.
Shivering owl: a screech owl. Chiefly south Atlantic, Gulf states.
Skillpot: a turtle. Chiefly District of Columbia, Maryland, Virginia, West Virginia.
Sonsy: cute, charming, lively. Scattered.
Spill: a pine needle. Chiefly Maine.
Spin street yarn: to gossip. Especially New England.
Spouty: of ground: soggy, spongy. Scattered.
Suppawn: corn meal mush. Chiefly New York.
Supple-sawney: a homemade jointed doll that can be made to “dance”. Scattered.
Tacker: a child, especially a little boy. Delaware, Maryland, New Jersey, eastern Pennsylvania.
Tag: a pine needle. Chiefly Virginia.
To bag school: to play hooky. Chiefly Pennsylvania, New Jersey.
Tow sack: a burlap bag. Chiefly south, south midland, Texas, Oklahoma.
Trash mover: a heavy rain. Chiefly mid-Atlantic, south Atlantic, lower Mississippi Valley.
Tumbleset: a somersault. Chiefly south-east, Gulf states; also north-east.
Wamus: a men’s work jacket. Chiefly north-central, Pennsylvania.
Whistle pig: a groundhog, also known as woodchuck. Chiefly Appalachians.
Winkle-hawk: a three-cornered tear in cloth. Chiefly Hudson Valley, New York.
Work brittle: eager to work. Chiefly midland, especially Indiana.
Zephyr: a light scarf. Scattered.

[Editor’s note: Similar article at: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/these-50-american-slang-words-are-in-danger-of-disappearing_us_57d2ba4ae4b06a74c9f423dd ]

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Filed under 2016, Writing Week in Review

Photo finish Friday: “Reward”

Each flower is its own reward, especially to the inchworm making its way to the petals.

Each flower is its own reward, especially to the inchworm making its way to the petals.

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Filed under 2016, photo by David E. Booker, Photo Finish Friday