Smiley faces here,
float across my sight. Sincere?
My eyes don’t see clear.
[Editor’s note: a bit of silliness apropos of nothing in particular, other than sometimes I think “emoticons” are overused and somehow this rhyming haiku floated across my mind. Of course, real smiley faces are at times overused as well, creating a sense, at least in my mind, of a bleary reality.]
Filed under haiku, poetry by author, Workshop weekend
I was somewhen gliding over Virtuosity when I woke up from my copy/paste coma. I was ten thousand bar stools above pay dirt, but the drinks had stopped coming long before the last sequence of route rot procedures was done. I tried to perk up with three quick and awful coffees and a Hershey’s kiss left over from my last intrusion into the real world, but it wasn’t helping much. The coffee was a tannic acid man’s dream, bitter and beyond redemption no matter how I tried to doll it up. And the kiss, well, I am a sucker for chocolate, even old chocolate, but this kiss had seen its last sweet pucker long ago, maybe even in a candy gallery far far away.
She walked into my room the way all sycophants do these days – with an air of predestination. She sat down in the old overstuffed chair next to the old overstuffed couch I was crouched on. She placed her legs in just such a position that a trigonometry professor would’ve been had pressed to explain, and it was all I could do to keep my eyes from triangulating on them. They were her best feature, but the rest of her was at least suborbital as well. She dressed in clothes with sharp angles, some of which would probably frighten an armadillo. Her lips were as full and shiny as a waxing moon and her hair gleamed as if it were a source of light all its own. In short, she was as textured as the night, and just as dangerous.
She dragged out a smoke and was about to light it.
“Not in here.” My head was a series of dots and dashes in binary world, and lighting up wasn’t going to help.
She pouted and then put them away. “The boss sent me.”
“I’m sorry for your loss.”
She looked perplexed, lost in the great heartland of non-sequitors, a trollop with a message trying to make connections with polarized plugs in a non-polarized world.
“The boss says—”
“I know what the boss says. He says it every time he sends one of you floozies down my rat hole with a message, and every time he promises me my freedom and every time he finds a way to wriggle out of following through. Tell Lucy, Charlie ain’t kickin’ at the ball no more.”
She looked even more nonplussed. I could just imagine one big minus sign stretched above her pretty little head, like a halo dancing black hole mambo with an event horizon. One day enough neurons might come burrowing out, Steven Hawking style, to make a moment of enlightenment, but age and propriety would keep me from waiting that long. After all, it’s not polite to stare indefinitely at a glacier, no matter how easy on the eyes.
[Editor’s note: not sure what to do with this. If I should pursue it or let it go. if you have read it, any thoughts or comments? is this an interesting beginning? Thank you for stopping by.]
Filed under story, Sunday story, Virtuosity, Workshop weekend, writing
There once was a tree in my yard
that came down in a wind rather hard.
I sawed on it yesterday;
it’s still there today.
It’s tougher than a month old canard.
The hackberry where it split and most of it bowed to the ground to the applause of thunder and wind and rain.
Filed under limerick, poetry by author, Workshop weekend
In the process of making a small tree. Still much to do. Thankful for a neighbor and smart people who came to help.
There is an old joke.
How do you make a small tree?
Start with a large one.
[Editor’s note: I know, originally, the joke was: how do you make a small fortune? Start with a large one. But fortune would be eight syllables instead of seven and ruin the attempted humorous haiku. Plus, I’ll be more like to have a large tree to start with than a large fortune. I don’t hold much prospect that I’ll have a small fortune, either. As for a small tree, well, that may still take me a little while. You don’t know how much brush one full-grown tree can create until you have to clean up after one.]
Filed under Found story, Photo by author, poetry by author, Thunder, Workshop weekend
Spent yesterday preparing a short story, a novella, and three poems for writing contests. Deadline for entry was midnight. I had the last of them turned in by 9 PM. Now it is up to the judges, the skill of the writing, some luck, and whether or not I scared off enough other potential entrants. Yes, I am kidding about the last part. I have no idea who else entered. I wanted to enter a non-fiction writing contest, but did not have my entry ready in time. Oh, well, maybe another time.
So, here is a bit of silliness for a Sunday morning (at least morning where I am right now), a limerick inspired by someone who suggested they should be naughty.
There once was a woman from Port Townsend
who traveled quite far and came home again.
Now by day she styles hair
and by night styles with care
words about her “new” life with family and friends.
I know, it’s not naughty. Maybe the next one.
Filed under limerick, poetry by author, Sunday silliness, Workshop weekend
In case you’re wondering, and even if you aren’t, I would like to take a few moments and explain the new layout I am adopting for this blog. I have decided to make at least every work day specific to something. For example, Monday morning writing joke will be a joke focused on writing or about writing. It might also be a limerick (though nothing too naughty) or pun, which is something I have a weakness for.
Next: CarToonsday will be a cartoon, usually based in some way around writing, but not always.
Writing Tip Wednesday will have writing tips. It could also have recommendations of writing books to try, or information about writing conferences, or agents looking for new clients.
Haiku to you Thursday will be a haiku. At least for as long as I can write what I consider to be good quality ones. Sometimes I’m sure I’ll spit out a clunker, but sometimes you have to fail in order to succeed.
At times, the roadmap might be under construction.
Freeform Friday will be another poem, maybe not a haiku but something else, or writing such as a Blathering idiot installment, The Devil’s Dictionary, an essay. Maybe even something I haven’t tried before. Could even be another cartoon. (As if one a week is not enough.)
Story Saturday will be a part of a story. Something I am working on. Could also be a Found Story (photo with piece of writing about the photo). Could even be a whole story, if short enough. Or I may write something about my struggles to write stories, though I am sure that would get old and boring quickly.
Sunday? I may just take off. Or take off Saturday and make it Story Sunday. Or the whole weekend could be titled Workshop Weekend.
I have noticed on weekends there are usually fewer visitors to my blog. People are off doing other things, I assume. Plus a day off won’t hurt. I have a regular job, family obligations, and am working on a novel and short stories as well. On my days off, I aim for between 300 and 400 words of new writing on my stories or novel. So doing that and a blog entry can be tough. I might also skip a day here and there if I don’t have something that fits that day’s theme.
Certainly, comments and suggestions are welcome. And visits, too. The more the better. I aim to keep humor and wit of one stripe or another going on this blog. You may not be rolling in the floor laughing and sometimes you might even be rolling your eyes and groaning at the puns, but at least you’re not having to pay for the self-inflicted humor wound.
Last, but not least, thank you to all who have visited my blog and especially so to those who have linked up to receive notification when I post something new. I do appreciate it. Very much. Part of the reason for trying to more regularize the format is so that you know what’s coming.
Filed under blog, Workshop weekend, writing
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