Category Archives: no respect

June 9, 2014 · 8:36 am

Monday morning writing joke: “A-musing”

Simply a-musing

Simply a-musing

I’m a writer and I don’t get no respect. Not even from my muse.

The other day my muse showed up after leaving me high and dry for months.

He said, “Guess what? To make it up to you I’ll grant you three wishes.”

I said, “Okay, first, I want this novel manuscript to be done. Second, I want it to be a best seller and make lots of money. Third, I want it to be made into a movie and make even more money and fame. Go it?”

My muse nodded.

I waited. Three days. Three weeks. Three months. Three years. It did not happen.

When I finally saw my muse again, I asked why my wishes hadn’t come true.

“But they will,” my muse said, “but first you have to die.”

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March 10, 2014 · 8:54 am

Monday morning writing joke: “Dog gone.”

Writers and leaves.

Writers and leaves.

Last night I walked into a bar, followed by a dog.

“Hey,” the bartender barks out, “we don’t serve your kind.”

I pointed to the dog and said, “He’s not with me.”

The bartender stared at me. “I ain’t talking about him.”

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January 20, 2014 · 10:08 am

Monday morning writing joke: “second opinion”

Sometimes, it's harder to catch a break form a doctor than to catch a cold.

Sometimes, it’s harder to catch a break form a doctor than to catch a cold.

I went to see my doctor the other day and he said he had bad news.

I said, “What, doctor? Are you moving away?”

He said, “No. But you only have six months to live.”

I said, “Doctor, I want a second opinion.”

He said, “Okay. Your writing won’t outlive you.”

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November 4, 2013 · 10:04 am

Monday morning writing humor: “Registered failure”

Even the registered mail doesn't recognize me.

Even the registered mail doesn’t recognize me.

I’m a writer and I don’t get no respect. Just the other day I went to pick up a registered letter addressed to me from an agent, but the post office wouldn’t let me have it because they said I wasn’t the writer the letter was addressed to.

I showed them by driver’s license. Not good enough.

I showed them my Social Security Card. Not good enough.

I showed them my library card. Not good enough.

Only when I showed them a box full of rejection slips did they believe me.

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June 4, 2013 · 4:47 am

cARtOONSDAY: nO rESPECT: “eNLIGHTENMENT”

The light of my words.

The light of my words.

I’m a writer and I don’t get no respect. My wife held our first cook out over Memorial Day weekend, but it almost didn’t happen. She couldn’t get the coals to light. Then she did. And just before the guests arrived. After the cook out, I asked her what she’d used. She said she used one of my novels.

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January 14, 2013 · 10:14 am

Monday morning writing joke: “Pox review”

I wrote a response, but chickened out and didn't send it to the critic.

I wrote a response, but chickened out and didn’t send it.

I’m a writer and I don’t get no respect. Just yesterday I saw a review of my latest novel. The critic said: “This book will leave its marks on literature — like chicken pox.”

Couldn’t she have at least said, “small pox”?

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December 31, 2012 · 11:19 am

Monday morning writing joke: “All ‘choked up”

Sometimes his writing "chokes" me up.

Sometimes his writing “chokes” me up.

I’m a writer and I don’t get no respect. I was at a holiday party for writers the other night when I heard someone say of my latest work: “Reading his novel is like eating an artichoke: you have to go through so much to get a little.”

I wasn’t hungry after that.

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December 24, 2012 · 10:25 am

Monday morning writing joke: “Best seller”

Sometimes "coal" comes in strange forms.

Sometimes “coal” comes in strange forms.

I’m a writer and I don’t get no respect. Just the other day, I saw Santa Claus. I said, “Hey Santa, I want a best seller. Just one best seller. That’s all I ask. That’s all I work for. Can you help me out?”

On Christmas morning I found a Stephen King novel under my tree. A used one at that.

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November 26, 2012 · 9:15 am

I’m a writer and I don’t get no respect: blowing your own horn

Writer, no respect

Sometimes it’s hard to blow your own horn.

I recently attended a music festival to try to sell some of my books when I overheard one musician say this about my writing to another musician: “His writing reminds you of a clarinet — a wind instrument.”

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October 29, 2012 · 9:43 am

Monday morning writing joke: “Smarts”

Writer, no respect

Getting less for more. Sometimes its hard to please any reader.

While at a book signing the other day, I overheard one person say to the other as they walked by my table: “He makes me wish I had a lower IQ so I could enjoy his book.”

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