At the party last night, I accidentally drank a bottle of food coloring. The doctor says I’ll be fine, but I feel like I’ve dyed a little on the inside.
Category Archives: Monday morning writing joke
Monday (morning) writing joke: “Worn out”
Who gives a sock?
I’m a writer and I don’t get no respect. The other day, a critic said of my latest work: “His story is as loud and useless as my worn-out socks.”
I wrote the critic and asked him how can worn out socks be loud?
He wrote me back saying he was taking poetic license.
I wrote back asking why he buys his socks from a poet? I must have said something adverse, because I haven’t heard back from him. But he did send me a bill for four pairs of socks.
Filed under Monday morning writing joke
Monday morning writing humor: “Prattle”
Have critics said of your work: “He never gets to his last word.”? This is called Prattlitus or Prattlitous.
Or perhaps it was phrased this way: “His conclusion is longer than his discussion.” This is called Inconclusivity.
Or, when asked to write a summary of your latest novel, has you agent said to another: “His summary is longer than the original.”? And this is called Conclusionaires Disease.
If so, you may be a prime candidate for the Authors School of Pith, or ASP for short.
As ASP you will learn the two routes to pith: No! and Hell no!
We will tone your flabby vowels, strengthen your grammatical ganglia, and brief your brevity so that you can once again find your soul of wit.
So call today for your free 30-day trial. 1-888-ASP-WIPE. Try it, risk free, and see as we teach you the pleasure of the last word, how to conclude with brevity and dignity, and most important of all, we will teach you the value of summary when you see our final bill.
Monday morning writing humor: “Registered failure”
Even the registered mail doesn’t recognize me.
I’m a writer and I don’t get no respect. Just the other day I went to pick up a registered letter addressed to me from an agent, but the post office wouldn’t let me have it because they said I wasn’t the writer the letter was addressed to.
I showed them by driver’s license. Not good enough.
I showed them my Social Security Card. Not good enough.
I showed them my library card. Not good enough.
Only when I showed them a box full of rejection slips did they believe me.
Filed under Monday morning writing joke, no respect
Monday morning writing joke: “Too ugly to be seen.”
There once was a man so mean /
his face was too ugly to be seen. /
He was banned from sight /
so as not to give fright — /
except for the night called Halloween.
The man and his amulet.
Filed under Monday morning writing joke, poetry by author
Monday morning writing joke: “A programmer’s dozen”
The programmer’s wife tells him: “Run to the store and buy a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, get a dozen.”
The programmer comes home with 12 loaves of bread.
Filed under Monday morning writing joke
Monday morning writing joke: “double take”
It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally.
Filed under Monday morning writing joke
Monday morning writing joke: “baggage”
A photon checks into a hotel.
The bell hop asks, “Any luggage?”
“Nope,” says the photon, “I’m traveling light.”
Filed under Monday morning writing joke
Monday morning writing joke: “Rhetoric”
What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?
Filed under Monday morning writing joke
Monday (morning) writing joke: “Stuck”
There once was writer of plays /
who could not get his character his way. /
“Oh, no,” they said. /
He shook his head in dread /
and he’s stuck in Act I to this day.
Filed under Monday morning writing joke
Booker's Blog 