Q.: What did a zombie engineer say to a non-zombie engineer about an engineering problem he was working on?
A.: “I’ve come to pick your brains.”
Q.: Why was the zombie disappointed with his date with a leggy blond woman?
A.: She was already brainless.
Filed under Monday morning writing joke
First joke writer: I can’t quite come up with a finish for this joke: “You know you’re an older writer when….” and that’s as far as I get.
Second joke writer: “You know you’re an older writer when your wife surprises you with a box of 20-pound bond paper and it excites you in ways you hadn’t thought possible.”
First joke writer: Sounds like that happened to you.
Second joke writer: It did. Then the reality of having to fill all those blank pages sank in and dulled it all.
Filed under Monday morning writing joke
An experienced writer was showing his house to a novice writer when they passed by a door marked “R&D.”
Novice writer: “Wow. I didn’t know you had your own R&D room.”
Experienced writer: “You, too, may have one one day.”
Novice writer: “You mean my own Research and Development room?”
Experienced writer: “No, your own Rejected and Dejected room where your failed manuscripts go.”
“Oh,” the novice writer said, suddenly not quite so excited.
Filed under Monday morning writing joke
Two comedy writers sitting in a diner.
First writer: “I went to see a shrink yesterday for my writer’s block.”
Second writer nods between forkfuls of fried potatoes. “What did she say?”
First writer: “She asked me to spell money backwards.”
Second writer: “Did you?”
First writer nods as he puts his napkin down: “D-e-b-t.”
Filed under Monday morning writing joke
Q.: How many narcissists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A.: One. He holds it up, and the world revolves around him.
Filed under Monday morning writing joke
Simply a-musing
I’m a writer and I don’t get no respect. Not even from my muse.
The other day my muse showed up after leaving me high and dry for months.
He said, “Guess what? To make it up to you I’ll grant you three wishes.”
I said, “Okay, first, I want this novel manuscript to be done. Second, I want it to be a best seller and make lots of money. Third, I want it to be made into a movie and make even more money and fame. Go it?”
My muse nodded.
I waited. Three days. Three weeks. Three months. Three years. It did not happen.
When I finally saw my muse again, I asked why my wishes hadn’t come true.
“But they will,” my muse said, “but first you have to die.”
Filed under Monday morning writing joke, no respect
First writer, pointing to his t-shirt: “See what it says?”
Second writer nods.
First writer: “It says, ‘will writer for food.'”
Second writer: “So whom are you going to write first?”
Whom will he try to write for food first? Will it work?
Filed under Monday morning writing joke
Cop to poet: “Did you meet her?”
Poet to cop: “I had no rhyme or reason to do so.”
Filed under Monday morning writing joke
Q.: What’s the last thing you should say to a writer whose jokes you don’t like?
A.: “Humor me.”
Filed under Monday morning writing joke
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