Category Archives: Monday morning writing joke

The lawyer said, “I should go in first because of all the bad people I put in prison so that they couldn’t hurt anybody anymore. In fact, I have another case to try in a few hours.”

After a few moments of silence, the doctor and the lawyer turned to the writer.

“Well?” the doctor asked.

“Don’t you want to go in first?” the lawyer asked.

“No,” the writer said. “All I want to get is my tea mug that I left in there last night when I was helping them put out the stock. This is my seasonal job to make ends meet. I have to work here to help out my dad, whose in the hospital with chest problems, my younger brother who has a learning disability, and my grandmother, who could go to jail for shoplifting to help pay for her medications.”

They were so stunned that when the doors opened, he walked inside ahead of them and got what he wanted. He didn’t work there, and his parents and brother were fine. They were waiting in line at other stores. He was, after all, a fiction writer.

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Tagged as Holiday humor, joke, Monday, queue, sale, writing humor

November 3, 2014 · 7:03 am

Monday morning writing joke: “Correction”

Two writers were sitting at a bar, as writers are sometimes known to do.

A woman at a table near the bar was doing her best to get the attention of one of the writers. The other writer noticed this and asked the first writer what was going on.

First writer: “She sent me a text message.”

Second writer: “A fan of yours?”

First message: “I hope not. Her message said: ‘Y-o-u-r cute.’ I sent her back a message that said: ‘No. Y-O-U-R-‘-E cute.’ I was only correcting her misspelling.”

Second writer: “And?”

First writer: “And now she thinks I like her. I can’t get her to leave me alone.”

Second writer: “Here, let me see you phone.”

First writer hands the second writer his phone. Second writer types a message and sends it. The woman looks at it, shows it to her friend, puts a sour look on her face, and then gets up and leaves.

First writer: “What did you write?”

Second writer shows him. The message read: “You’re not my typo.”

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Tagged as correction, grammar, joke, Monday, pun, typo, writer, writing humor

October 27, 2014 · 7:27 am

Monday morning writing joke: “Guarded”

Three men were standing outside a dog obedience school with their dogs.

The first man’s dog was pulling on the leash and parking at almost anything. He said, “My dog’s such a good guard dog, she’ll bark at strangers over a block away to warn them to stay away.”

The second man’s dog was stumbling around, bumping into things, but not to be outdone, he said, “My dog’s such a good guard dog, she’ll knock over anything or anyone to protect me and my family.”

The third man’s dog was old and tired. She was curled up in a circle, snoring loudly. He said, “My dog’s such a good guard dog, she guards me against having too high an expectation of what she can do.”