First writer points to two old drunks sitting across the bar: “That’s us in ten years.”
Second writer: “Dipshit, that’s a mirror.”
Category Archives: Monday morning writing joke
Monday morning writing joke: “Flash”
First writer: “My editor told me my flashbacks were so weak they needed new batteries.”
Second writer: “What did you say?”
First writer: “I said, ‘You know, that reminds me of the first time you….’”
Filed under 2017, joke by author, Monday morning writing joke
Monday (morning) writing joke: “Regrets”
“I’m sorry” and “I apologize” generally mean the same thing … except at a funeral.
[Editor’s note: I apologize for it being late, but I’m not sorry if you don’t get the joke.]
Filed under 2017, Monday morning writing joke
Monday morning writing joke: “Stop it”
Writer one: “Did you hear about the play about the writer of run-on sentences who committed suicide?”
Writer two: “No.”
Writer one: “It’s a period piece.”
Filed under 2017, joke by author, Monday morning writing joke
Monday (morning) writing joke: “Faking it”
There once was a writer ignorant of history, /
For whom dates and names were a mystery. /
Did it happen there? /
Did anyone really care? /
It let him tell the story so simplistically.
Filed under 2017, Monday morning writing joke, poetry by author
Monday morning writing joke: “Pointed”
There once was a writer of romance. /
Who often had her characters de-pants. /
Some said she oughta /
Instead be writing erotica. /
Her knights were always using the wrong lance.
Filed under 2017, Monday morning writing joke, poetry by author
Dueling puns, part 8: “victim”
Two writers who didn’t like each other met in a bar, as such writers often do. Each claimed it was his favorite bar and each claimed he had found it first. After several months of glowering at each other and bad mouthing each other, they agree to settle the matter with a duel of puns.
Since the short writer won the seventh round, the tall writer was allowed to go first for round eight. A set of cards was placed on the table between them, face down. On each card was a subject. The tall writer flipped the card over and the subject was “victim.”
Props were allowed, and for each turn, each writer could make one phone call.
Each writer had to say his pun and the audience would get to pick which one they preferred. The bartender, a waiter, and a waitress would be the judges as to who got the loudest groan.
After thinking a moment, the tall writer asked for a cup of coffee. It took a moment, but when it arrived, he gripped the handle and held it up. “Coffee is the silent victim our house. It gets mugged every day.”
This immediately drew a long moan from the crowd, then a few laughs.
“Until you multiply yourselves times the speed of light squared. Then you be energy.”
The short writer waited until things were quiet, then he said, “Two egotists started fighting. It was an I for an I.”
The crowd hesitated, then groaned, twice, and somebody laughed.
It was close, but round eight went to the tall writer. The short writer now had 3 wins, 3 losses, and 2 ties.” The tall writer also had 3 wins, 3 losses, and 2 ties.
Filed under 2017, Monday morning writing joke
Monday morning writing joke: “Right”
Three writers walk into a bar. A little later, only two walk out.
“Hey,” said a friend who saw the two writers on the street, “where’s your friend?”
“We left him at the bar,” the first writer said
“Why’s that?”
“Because it was the write thing to do,” the second writer said.
Filed under 2017, Monday morning writing joke
Monday morning writing joke: “Pause, to consider”
“Let’s eat Grandma!”
“Let’s eat, Grandma!”
Commas save lives.
Filed under 2017, Monday morning writing joke
Monday morning writing joke: “Sure sign”
First writer: “I just finished up at a drug rehab center.”
Second writer: “How was it?”
First writer: “It was okay, except for the nagging signs they placed outside.”
Second writer: “Signs? What did they say?”
First writer, taking a puff: “They said: ‘Keep off the grass.’ And I wasn’t even smoking it at the time.”
Filed under 2017, Monday morning writing joke
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