Category Archives: definitions

October 3, 2015 · 11:19 pm

The Devil’s Dictionary: “Werewolf”

In our continuing quest to revisit a classic, or even a curiosity from the past and see how relevant it is, we continue with The Devil’s Dictionary by Ambrose Bierce. Originally published in newspaper installments from 1881 until 1906. You might be surprised how current many of the entries are.

A young Ambrose Bierce

A young Ambrose Bierce

For example, here is a definition for the word Werewolf. The Old definition is Bierce’s. The New definitions is, in many cases, an update. Sometimes little change is needed. Sometimes more. From time to time, just as it was originally published, we will come back to The Devil’s Dictionary, for a look at it then and how it applies today. Click on Devil’s Dictionary in the tags below to bring up the other entries.

OLD DEFINITION
Werewolf, n. A wolf that was once, or is sometimes, a man. All werewolves are of evil disposition, having assumed a bestial form to gratify a bestial appetite, but some, transformed by sorcery, are as humane and is consistent with an acquired taste for human flesh. Some Bavarian peasants having caught a wolf one evening, tied it to a post by the tail and went to bed. The next morning nothing was there! Greatly perplexed, they consulted the local priest, who told them that their captive was undoubtedly a werewolf and had resumed its human for during the night. “The next time that you take a wolf,” the good man said, “see that you chain it by the leg, and in the morning you will find a Lutheran.”.

NEW DEFINITION
Werewolf, n. A politician that was once, or is sometimes, a man (or woman). All werewolves are of evil disposition, having assumed a bestial form to gratify a bestial appetite, but some, transformed by sorcery, are as humane (or high-functioning sociopath) and is consistent with an acquired taste for human flesh. Some neighbors having caught a wolf one evening, tied it to a post by the tail and went to bed. The next morning nothing was there! Greatly perplexed, they consulted the local priest, who told them that their captive was undoubtedly a werewolf and had resumed its human for during the night. “The next time that you take a wolf,” the good man said, “see that you chain it by the leg, and in the morning you will find a ‘Christian’ politician.”

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July 14, 2012 · 9:05 am

The Devil’s Dictionary: Abdomen

In our continuing quest to revisit a classic, or even a curiosity from the past and see how relevant it is, we continue with The Devil’s Dictionary by Ambrose Bierce. Originally published in newspaper installments from 1881 until 1906. You might be surprised how current many of the entries are.

For example, here is a definition for Abdomen. The Old definition is Bierce’s. The New definition is mine or somebody else contemporary. From time to time, just as it was originally published, we will come back to The Devil’s Dictionary, for a look at it then and how it applies today. Click on Devil’s Dictionary in the tags below to bring up the other entries.

OLD DEFINITION
Abdomen, n. The temple of the god Stomach, in whose worship, with sacrificial rights, all true men engage. From women this ancient faith commands but a stammering assent. They sometimes minister at the altar in a half-hearted and ineffective way, but true reverence for the one deity that men really adore the know not. If woman had a free hand in the world’s marketing, the race would become graminivorous.

NEW DEFINITION
In this case, it’s more of an augmentation of the original definition than revision of the original.

Augmentation 1:
Beer Belly, n. The temple of the god Stomach after a regular and continual ingesting of liquid graminivorous forms. These graminivorous forms include ale, pale ale, stout, larger, and lite forms of these and other similar liquids.

Augmentation 2:
Six-Pack Abs, n. The flip side (so to say) of the beer belly in which attempts are made to make the temple appear like the packaging of the liquid graminivorous content and not the liquid graminivorous contents themselves.

[Editor’s note: In case you are wondering, graminivorous is a word and it is a word that Bierce used in his definition. I did not add it to show off. It means: feeding or subsisting on grass.]

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April 23, 2012 · 4:37 am

The Devil’s Dictionary: Poetry

Every now and then, it is good to revisit a classic, or even a curiosity from the past. The Devil’s Dictionary by Ambrose Bierce was originally published in newspaper installments from 1881 until 1906. You might be surprised how current many of the entries are.

For example, since April is poetry month, here is a definition for the words poetry and blank verse. The Old definition is Bierce’s. The New definition or comment are mine (and in this case a few other folks, too. Sometimes, you need help).

From time to time, just as it was originally published, we will come back to The Devil’s Dictionary, for a look at it then and how it applies today. Click on Devil’s Dictionary in the tags below to bring up the other entries.

OLD DEFINITIONS:
Poetry, n. A form of expression peculiar to the Land beyond the Magazines.

Blank verse, n. Unrhymed iambic pentameters — the most difficult kind of English verse to writer acceptably; a kind, therefore, much affected by those who cannot acceptably write any kind.

NEW DEFINITIONS:
Poetry, n. In this age of digital publishing, to say that poetry is peculiar to the Land beyond the Magazines is more prescient than sarcastic. Maybe I will call upon some other folks give a modern perspective, if not definition of poetry:

Poetry and consumption are the most flattering of diseases. –William Shenstone
(If I have to choose, I’ll take poetry, though I would probably be better at consumption.)

Poetry is nobody’s business except the poet’s, and everybody else can f*&k off. –Philip Larkin
(If true, no wonder poets feel misunderstood, unappreciated, and beyond the Land of Magazines.)

I know that poetry is indispensable, but to what I could not say. –Jean Cocteau
(Probably more indispensable than this blog.)

I think that one possible definition of our modern culture is that it is one in which nine-tenths of our intellectuals can’t read any poetry. –Randall Jarrell
(And what is the percentage of the non-intellectuals?)

Free verse, n. Free verse is like free love; it is a contradiction in terms. –G.K. Chesterton
(Yeah, but paid love is illegal in most states.)

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