Category Archives: Ambrose Bierce

The Devil’s Dictionary: Corportion, Congress, Lobbyist

In our continuing quest to revisit a classic, or even a curiosity from the past and see how relevant it is, we continue with The Devil’s Dictionary by Ambrose Bierce. Originally published in newspaper installments from 1881 until 1906. You might be surprised how current many of the entries are.

For example, here is a definition for the words Corporation and Congress. The Old definitions are Bierce’s. The New definition is mine. From time to time, just as it was originally published, we will come back to The Devil’s Dictionary, for a look at it then and how it applies today. Click on Devil’s Dictionary in the tags below to bring up the other entries.

OLD DEFINITION
Corporation, n. An ingenious device for obtaining individual profit without individual responsibility.

Congress, n. A body of men who meet to repeal laws.

NEW DEFINITION
Corporation, n.The only think I could add to corporation is: An ingenious device for obtaining individual profit without individual responsibility. Peopled with overcompensated executives whose sole purpose is to privatize the profit and socialize the debt. In the vernacular: heads, I win (I get to keep the profit); tails you lose (You have to cover the bad debts).

Congress, n. A body of men and women who meet to repeal laws, generally at the behest of a corporation. This is now true of both the federal Congress and the state Congresses throughout the U.S.

Lobbyist, n. Paid influence peddler, bag man for the corporation, general thief in the night whose sole purpose on behalf of corporations is to see that Congress understands which laws are to be repealed or weakened, and how this should be done, particularly since too many lobbyists are former elected officials. Lobbyists can promote on behalf of other entities and not only corporations, but the goal is generally the same.
[Editor’s note: lobbyist was not a term long in use when The Devil’s Dictionary was created.]

Final word:
“It could probably be shown by facts and figures that there is no distinctly native American criminal class except Congress.” –MARK TWAIN

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The Devil’s Dictionary: Poetry

Every now and then, it is good to revisit a classic, or even a curiosity from the past. The Devil’s Dictionary by Ambrose Bierce was originally published in newspaper installments from 1881 until 1906. You might be surprised how current many of the entries are.

For example, since April is poetry month, here is a definition for the words poetry and blank verse. The Old definition is Bierce’s. The New definition or comment are mine (and in this case a few other folks, too. Sometimes, you need help).

From time to time, just as it was originally published, we will come back to The Devil’s Dictionary, for a look at it then and how it applies today. Click on Devil’s Dictionary in the tags below to bring up the other entries.

OLD DEFINITIONS:
Poetry, n. A form of expression peculiar to the Land beyond the Magazines.

Blank verse, n. Unrhymed iambic pentameters — the most difficult kind of English verse to writer acceptably; a kind, therefore, much affected by those who cannot acceptably write any kind.

NEW DEFINITIONS:
Poetry, n. In this age of digital publishing, to say that poetry is peculiar to the Land beyond the Magazines is more prescient than sarcastic. Maybe I will call upon some other folks give a modern perspective, if not definition of poetry:

Poetry and consumption are the most flattering of diseases. –William Shenstone
(If I have to choose, I’ll take poetry, though I would probably be better at consumption.)

Poetry is nobody’s business except the poet’s, and everybody else can f*&k off. –Philip Larkin
(If true, no wonder poets feel misunderstood, unappreciated, and beyond the Land of Magazines.)

I know that poetry is indispensable, but to what I could not say. –Jean Cocteau
(Probably more indispensable than this blog.)

I think that one possible definition of our modern culture is that it is one in which nine-tenths of our intellectuals can’t read any poetry. –Randall Jarrell
(And what is the percentage of the non-intellectuals?)

Free verse, n. Free verse is like free love; it is a contradiction in terms. –G.K. Chesterton
(Yeah, but paid love is illegal in most states.)

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The Devil’s Dictionary: Big hats and Cause and Effect and Education

Every now and then, it is good to revisit a classic, or even a curiosity from the past. The Devil’s Dictionary by Ambrose Bierce was originally published in newspaper installments from 1881 until 1906. You might be surprised how current many of the entries are.

For example, here is a definition for the word miscreant The Old definition is Bierce’s. The New definition or comment are mine. From time to time, just as it was originally published, we will come back to The Devil’s Dictionary, for a look at it then and how it applies today. Click on Devil’s Dictionary in the tags below to bring up the other entries.

OLD DEFINITION:
Effect, n. The second of two phenomena which always occur together in the same order. The first, called a Cause, is said to generate the other — which is no more sensible than it would be for one who has never seen a dog except in pursuit of a rabbit to declare the rabbit the cause of the dog.

NEW DEFINITION:
Post hoc, ergo propter hoc

After it, therefore because of it. The link above takes you to a video highlighting the same thing as discussed in in the Old Definition, showing that things have not changed all that much.

Conclusion: some things never change. Maybe due to a lack of education.

OLD DEFINITION:
Education, n. That which discloses to the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understanding.

NEW DEFINITION:
Education, n. That which the foolish, most conservative and mostly Republican, believe is wise to wreck on behalf of faith is something unseen, basically fear and prejudice. See the Tennessee State Legislatures attempt to recreate “Monkey Laws.”

I'm a state legislator and I know science better than anyone.

Post hoc ergo propter hoc: "I'm a Republican state legislator and I can stand in the way of education, therefore, I am better than education."

http://www.knoxnews.com/news/2012/mar/19/anti-evolution-class-discussions-get-senates-ok/

Anti-evolution class discussions get Senate’s OK

By Tom Humphrey

Monday, March 19, 2012

NASHVILLE — The Senate approved a bill Monday evening that deals with teaching of evolution and other scientific theories while the House approved legislation authorizing cities and counties to display the Ten Commandments in public buildings.

The Senate voted 24-8 for HB368, which sponsor Sen. Bo Watson, R-Hixson, says will provide guidelines for teachers answering students’ questions about evolution, global warming and other scientific subjects. Critics call it a “monkey bill” that promotes creationism in classrooms.

The bill was approved in the House last year but now must return to that body for concurrence on a Senate amendment that made generally minor changes. One says the law applies to scientific theories that are the subject of “debate and disputation” — a phrase replacing the word “controversial” in the House version.

The measure also guarantees that teachers will not be subject to discipline for engaging students in discussion of questions they raise, though Watson said the idea is to provide guidelines so that teachers will bring the discussion back to the subjects authorized for teaching in the curriculum approved by the state Board of Education.

All eight no votes came from Democrats, some of whom raised questions about the bill during brief debate.

Sen. Tim Barnes, D-Clarksville, said he was concerned that the measure was put forward “not for scientific reasons but for political reasons.” And Sen. Andy Berke, D-Chattanooga, said teachers were doing just fine teaching science without the Legislature’s involvement.

“We are simply dredging up the problems of the past with this bill and that will affect our teachers in the future,” Berke said.

Watson said the purpose of the legislation is to encourage teachers in helping their students learn to challenge and debate ideas to “improve their thinking skills.”

Critics of the HB368 labeling the measure “monkey bill” ranged from the American Civil Liberties Union to the National Center for Science Education. In a statement sent to legislators, the eight Tennesseans who are members of the National Academy of Science said that, in practice, the bill will likely lead to “scientifically unwarranted criticisms of evolution.”

“By undermining the teaching of evolution in Tennessee’s public schools, HB368 and SB893 would miseducate students, harm the state’s national reputation, and weaken its efforts to compete in a science-driven global economy,” said the statement signed by Stanley Cohen, who won the Nobel Prize in physiology of medicine in 1986, and seven other scientists.

The bill authorizing display of the Ten Commandments in public buildings — HB2658 — is sponsored by Rep. Matthew Hill, R-Jonesborough, who said it is in line with court rulings. In essence, courts have often declared displays of the biblical commandments unconstitutional standing along, but permissible as part of a display of “historic documents.”

The bill authorizes all local governments to display “historic documents” and specifically lists the commandments as being included.

Hill said the bill will prevent city and county governments from “being intimidated any further by special interest groups” opposed to displaying of the Ten Commandments. It passed 93-9 and now goes to the Senate.

****

Commentary: Republicans DO NOT want smaller government. They simply want THEIR form of Big (Brother) Government. One where they govern your thoughts and morality. Your gun may be loaded, but your brain will be full of blanks.

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The Devil’s Dictionary: miscreant

Every now and then, it is good to revisit a classic, or even a curiosity from the past. The Devil’s Dictionary by Ambrose Bierce was originally published in newspaper installments from 1881 until 1906. You might be surprised how current many of the entries are.

For example, here is a definition for the word miscreant The Old definition is Bierce’s. The New definition or comment are mine. From time to time, just as it was originally published, we will come back to The Devil’s Dictionary, for a look at it then and how it applies today. Click on Devil’s Dictionary in the tags below to bring up the other entries.

Old definition

Miscreant, n. A person of the highest degree of unworth. Etymologically, the word means unbeliever, and its present significance may be regard as theology’s noblest contribution to the development of our language.

New definition

Miscreant, n. A person of the highest degree of unworth, such as a politician or political pundit who wraps herself in the flag like swaddling clothes; proclaims “family values” as if they were a manger under siege, yet does nothing for families in dealing with the ravages of capitalism as the top 1 percent of the wealthiest people in the country control more wealth than the bottom 40 percent, and “wants to take my country back” as if somehow retreating into the past will deal with the future.

Etymologically, the word means unbeliever, holding an unorthodox or false religious belief. Again, see politician political pundit as described above. There is nothing more heterodoxical than living in a past that never was.

May want to see previous Devil’s Dictionary entries on politicians, politics, and orthodoxy.

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The Devil’s Dictionary: Love and Marriage

Every now and then, it is good to revisit a classic, or even a curiosity from the past. The Devil’s Dictionary by Ambrose Bierce was originally published in newspaper installments from 1881 until 1906. You might be surprised how current many of the entries are.

For example, in this as Valentine’s Day approaches, here is a definition for the words Love and Marriage. The Old definitions are Bierce’s. The New definitions or comments are mine. From time to time, just as it was originally published, we will come back to The Devil’s Dictionary, for a look at it then and how it applies today. Click on Devil’s Dictionary in the tags below to bring up the other entries.

Old definition

Love, n. A temporary insanity curable by marriage or by removal of the patient from the influences under which he incurred the disorder. This disease, like caries and many other aliments, is prevalent only among civilized races living under artificial conditions; barbarous nations breathing pure air and eating simple food enjoy immunity from its ravages. It is sometimes fatal, but more frequently to the physician than to the patient.

Marriage, n. The state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress, and two slaves, making all, two.

New definition

Love, n. A state of insanity cured by death, taxes, divorce, children, or being told you have to. Being told you can’t only encourages it. You know you are under its influence when money is no object, but the object of your affection is. When hope has replaced reason, and longing is just one more step on the way to ecstasy, then it is love.

But remember, love and libido come from the same Latin root: libet, meaning “that is pleasing.” If love would only stop there, it might be okay, but it often does not, heading, instead, into marriage.

Marriage, n. Terminal state of love. An institutional condition at which point that which was pleasing no longer is. Especially so when defined by the state, and enshrined with all the solemnity the government can bestow.

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The Devil’s Dictionary: Patriot and Patriotism

Every now and then, it is good to revisit a classic, or even a curiosity from the past. The Devil’s Dictionary by Ambrose Bierce was originally published in newspaper installments from 1881 until 1906. You might be surprised how current many of the entries are.

For example, in this political campaign year, here is a definition for the words Patriot and Patriotism. The Old definitions are Bierce’s. The New definition is mine. From time to time, just as it was originally published, we will come back to The Devil’s Dictionary, for a look at it then and how it applies today. Click on Devil’s Dictionary in the tags below to bring up the other entries.

Patriot, n. One to whom the interests of a part seem superior to those of the whole. The dupe of statesmen and the tool of conquerors.

Patriotism, n. Combustible rubbish ready to the torch of any one ambitious to illuminate his name.

In Dr. Johnson’s famous dictionary, patriotism is defined as the last resort of a scoundrel. With all due respect to an enlightened but inferior lexicographer, I beg to submit that is it the first.

Updated definition: has anything changed since these definitions were first published? I think you could add to Patriot: The dupe of statesmen, the tool of conquerors, and the straw man of politicians. Anyone who does not agree with a politician’s stance for saving America is not a patriot (or even worse, a liberal).

It should also go without saying that scoundrel is a synonym for politician, and patriotism is often the first refuge of the politician, particularly when he (or she) doesn’t want to discuss something embarrassing or damaging, such as facts.

One also need remember this that an “-ism” as in patriotism is short for Ideology Stuck (in the) Mind. It has ceased to be a living idea and has become a petrified facsimile (or petrifac) of the real thing.

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The Devil’s Dictionary: Politics, Politicians, and PACs

Every now and then, it is good to revisit a classic, or even a curiosity from the past. The Devil’s Dictionary by Ambrose Bierce was originally published in newspaper installments from 1881 until 1906. You might be surprised how current many of the entries are.

For example, here is a definition for the words politics and politician. The Old definitions are Bierce’s. The New definition is mine. From time to time, just as it was originally published, we will come back to The Devil’s Dictionary, for a look at it then and how it applies today. Click on Devil’s Dictionary in the tags below to bring up the other entries.

Old definition
Politics, n. A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage.

Politician, n. An eel in the fundamental mud upon which the superstructure of organized society is reared. When he wriggles, he mistakes the agitation of his tail for the trembling of the edifice. As compared with the statesman, he suffers the disadvantage of being alive.

New definition
There is no need to update these old definitions. But to them, one could add (since they did not exist in Bierce’s time) these two words:

PAC, n. a gathering of money and people, like wolves, in pursuit of political prey to tear apart in the conduct of public affairs for private advantage. Unlike wolves, they don’t have to carry any sort of coloration to identify themselves. They have no natural enemies to keep them in check.

Super-PAC, n. an even larger gathering of a PAC. Bent on complete destruction in the name of conducting public affairs for private advantage. They have no natural enemies to keep them in check. One can only hope for a sufficiently large enough political meteor to crash into politics and kill them.

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The Devil’s Dictionary: Trust

Every now and then, it is good to revisit a classic, or even a curiosity from the past. The Devil’s Dictionary by Ambrose Bierce was originally published in newspaper installments from 1881 until 1906. You might be surprised how current many of the entries are.

For example, here is a definition for the word abasement. The first definition is Bierce’s. The second one is mine. From time to time, just as it was originally published, we will come back to The Devil’s Dictionary, for a look at it then and how it applies today. Click on Devil’s Dictionary in the tags below to bring up the other entries.

Old definition
Trust, n. In American politics, a large corporation composed in greater part of thrifty working men, widows of small means, orphans in the care of guardians and the courts, with many similar malefactors and public enemies.

Updated definition
Trust, n. In American politics, trust is that which is used to cover up what the “truth” won’t hide. For example, U.S. Senators and Representatives who beat the drum and say don’t trust the government, but do trust them. Truth is, once elected, they are the government and very few want to leave, even those crying out for smaller government. Along the way, they wish to create widows and retirees of small means, orphans in the care of of somebody else, and similar malefactor and public enemies, such as the ever shrinking middle class.

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The Devil’s Dictionary: Orthodox and Heterodox

Every now and then, it is good to revisit a classic, or even a curiosity from the past. The Devil’s Dictionary by Ambrose Bierce was originally published in newspaper installments from 1881 until 1906. You might be surprised how current many of the entries are.

For example, here is a definition for the word abasement. The first definition is Bierce’s. The second one is mine. From time to time, just as it was originally published, we will come back to The Devil’s Dictionary, for a look at it then and how it applies today. Click on Devil’s Dictionary in the tags below to bring up the other entries.

Old definition:
Orthodox, n. An ox wearing the popular religious yoke.

New definition:
Orthodox, n. An ox wearing the popular religious, political, or other social yoke. Especially true during an election year, and even more so as the “election year” becomes more than one year. The yoke gets broader and narrower at the same time, covering more of the ox, but holding him tighter and tighter. See also Heterodox.

Heterodox, n. More than one ox being yoked. Used to be a man didn’t care about another man’s yoke, as long as it wasn’t his ox getting gored. Nowadays, there are more yokes than oxen, so be careful or the yoke may be on you. If not careful, both orthodox and heterodox can lead to a bad case of oxymoron. That’s where your ox gets told how stupid it is, and the yoke becomes even tighter.

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The Devil’s Dictionary: Economy and Effect

Every now and then, it is good to revisit a classic, or even a curiosity from the past. The Devil’s Dictionary by Ambrose Bierce was originally published in newspaper installments from 1881 until 1906. You might be surprised how current many of the entries are.

For example, here is a definition for the word abasement. The first definition is Bierce’s. The second one is mine. From time to time, just as it was originally published, we will come back to The Devil’s Dictionary, for a look at it then and how it applies today. Click on Devil’s Dictionary in the tags below to bring up the other entries

Old definition:
Economy, n. Purchasing the barrel of whiskey that you do not need for the price of the cow that you cannot afford.

New definition:
Economy, n. Purchasing the house that you did not need for the inflated price that you could not reasonably qualify for, but did because the Wall Street banks wanted you to.

Old definition:
Effect, n. The second of two phenomena which always occur together in the same order. The first, called a Cause, is said to generate the other — which is no more sensible than it would be for one who has never seen a dog except in pursuit of a rabbit to declare the rabbit the cause of the dog.

New definition:
Effect, n. Post hoc, ergo propter hoc. After it, therefore because of it. You bought the house you couldn’t afford because a loan you couldn’t understand and then the economy sank. Therefore, the sinking of the economy is your fault. Also known as the Fox News / Republicans-to-the-Occupy-Wall-Street-people interpretation of economic events.

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