Category Archives: 2016

Monday morning writing joke: “Numbers”

A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, watching his wife, who was looking at herself in a mirror. Since her birthday was not far away, he asked her what she’d like.

“I’d like to be eight again,” she said, still looking in the mirror.

On the morning of her birthday, he arose early, made her a big bowl Captain Crunch and then took her to the nearby theme park. He put her on every ride in the park: the Slide of Death, the Wall of Fear, the Roller Coaster of Doom just to name three.

Five hours and 17 rides later, they stagger out of the park. She said her head was spinning and her stomach felt upside down. Still, he took her to McDonald’s for a Happy Meal with extra fires and a large chocolate shake.

Next was a movie with popcorn, cola, and M&M’s.

Finally, exhausted and late into he evening, they wobbled home and collapsed into the bed.

After a moment, he leaned over her and with a big smile on his face asked, “Well, honey, what was it like being eight again?”

Her eyes slowly opened and a snarl crept across her face. “I meant my dress size, you idiot!

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Clog in the cog of life

I’m just a clog in the cog of life,

When things back up, I get nothing but strife.

Whether at work or at home with the wife,

I’m only a clog in the cog of life.

Remodelers came and ripped out my throne

In the last room where I could be alone.

Now all I have is a slop jar and a phone,

And for a cushion a piece of foam.

I’m just a clog in the cog of life.

I get nothing but toil and strife.

Some days it feels sharp, like the stab of a knife.

I’m only a clog in the cog of life.

Even at work I get no peace:

A place for my tensions to find release.

I look at my paycheck and want to yell: “Police!”

To demand they look for my missing piece.

I’m just a clog in the cog of life.

Nobody cares about my struggles and strife.

Not even heaven where they have their slice

Of the piece of the pie in the afterlife.

Oh, God in heaven, how can this be?

Why, oh, why have you forsaken me?

I’ve always tried to serve unto thee,

But you cut me off like a branch from a tree.

I stand on the ledge of total despair.

No throne. No money. In tattered underwear.

People down below, they don’t even care.

They just don’t want me to land there, there, or there.

I’m just a clog in the cog of life.

I’ve said my prayers, left a note for my wife.

When I land it will end all my strife,

Unless I don’t make it into the afterlife.

I’ve endured war, death, and disease;

A boss, a wife, and a bum knee.

Can’t I have just one thing for me?

Is my life “to be or not to be”?

I’m just a clog in the cog of life,

Suffering the outrageous fortunes of strife.

The slings and arrows carve me like a knife

Into a piece of gristle for the cog of life.

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Photo finish Friday: “Heat wave”

Some things you shouldn't let slide.

Some things you shouldn’t let slide.

Oh, poor mannequin
let things slip again.
You say because you’re thin
that they just slide.

You stand there headless
and couldn’t regret less
if you create a mess
because of your body pride.

But dear mannequin
though the times are thin
we can’t let you begin
to leave nothing to hide.

So, pull up your bottoms
or starting this autumn
you’ll only flaunt them
in the dumpster outside.

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Filed under 2016, Photo by Beth Booker, Photo Finish Friday, poetry by author

Haiku to you Thursday: “Places”

Fear lives in those places /

where hope has died and love /

withers in the sun.

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Writing tip Wednesday: “Avoid telling”

Tips to avoid telling 100dpi_6x10

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July 27, 2016 · 7:27 am

cARtOONSdAY: “cASE lOGIC 13: oVERdo”

And when they ran out of ink, they used crayons to pencil in the commas.

And when they ran out of ink, they used crayons to pencil in the commas.

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Filed under 2016, cartoon by author, CarToonsday

Monday morning writing joke: “Adverse”

There once was a crude poet of verse, /

Whose rhymes would always end with a curse. /

Then a woman walked by /

And gave him the loving eye. /

Now his verse has taken a turn for the adverse.

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Ring leader

Ring leader

Phone, phone has rung, /
but you were not among /
those who heard the sound /
as from the phone it bound /
searching for your ear /
but, alas, it is clear /
you were not here to hear /
oh, dear, oh, dear, oh dear.

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21 Great Novels Worth Finding the Time to Read

21 Must-Read Novels

by Jacquelyn Mitchard

Source: http://www.aarp.org/entertainment/books/info-03-2012/21-must-read-novels.html?cmp=SNP-DSO-FB-ENT-FB_CONTENT_2016_ENT&s_kwcid=AL!4520!45!0bfd56f43fb133993b259a359113b691&ef_id=VtxKvwAABHGV34xO:20160722131844:o#slide1

Kill a Mocking Bird 100dpi_4x6_4cI began to list a dozen novels that everyone should read before age 50, but quickly realized that if all you want is a dozen, you should ask an economist, not a novelist. Still, stories are what help us best understand why we are how we are. So after consulting people I admire and my own mental file, I included only novels that I believe you really ought to read. Here are the novels picked, starting with the 21st place selection …

Books range from Charlotte’s Web by E.B. White to The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald to To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee. To see the full list, go to: 21 Great Novels Worth Finding the Time to Read

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Photo finish Friday: “Look up”

It's a bird. It's a plane. It's a lamppost.

It’s a bird. It’s a plane. It’s a lamppost.

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Filed under 2016, Photo by Lauren Booker, Photo Finish Friday